New Years Eve. New Year, New Resolution

I'm up early to let in the handyman for a check up on our heater. I got an email this morning that the three hour interview was for nothing. I was almost relieved. 

Of course, that means I'm truly unemployed going into the New Year. 

My mom wants me to pursue writing and photography as a means of making money. I'm not sure I can work by myself like that, but I guess only time will tell what next year holds for me. 

I think this writing exercise has been both good and bad.  Good in that it forced me to write every day, which was something that I needed to do anyway. Bad in the sense that I don't feel like I got any good quality writing out of the entire year.  I didn't work on my novel at all, and the November project completely messed up my entire writing style. I think a photography challenge would be a little better for next year, as it affords me more time to write creatively. I'm going to few hours left to decide what kind of photography challenge it will be. 

I'll be back here to consolidate the months and see exactly what I learned from it. Hopefully I can still get something out of it. 

Until then, Happy New Year everyone. 

Do You Wanna Build a Snowman?

I am awake at 5 AM and it snowed several inches. Hubby was awake for a minute, so I asked if he wanted to build a snowman. He said no. :-(

Later we did a thousand things and hubby scared me by sliding all over the road.  I guess I'm not over my near accident.

A 3 Hour Interview

I had a three hour interview today. I either nailed it or bombed because I bombed the math test.

Into the Woods

The BFF, hubby, mom and I went to see Into the Woods. Mom bailed on food afterwards so we got burritos and took a trip to Sam's Club. We bought the BFF's BF a frame for his mattress and loaded it in my trunk hilariously. It came to about 3 inches from the steering wheel to the backseat. Then we went to the BFF'S house and talked about how awesome it was too be living in the same town.

Ugly Christmas Party

We went to an Ugly Christmas sweater party tonight. My BFF's Improv team was there and Hubby integrated himself in nicely. He will most likely join the team when he can.

It was a long night but a short day. We didn't get much done in the long run, but we are starting to have a social life again. 

Escape

I spent the afternoon and evening with BFF. I'm so glad I can escape to her house and get perspective on the whole situation. I had a long talk with the Hubby yesterday too, and I think we are now on the same page.

I wish I could just figure out how to stop worrying. 

The Third Act

I've been internalizing a lot of my emotions since moving back.  Dealing with 3 personalities instead of just 1 or 2 has been extremely taxing.  Never was that more clear than today when my Jewish Mother and Sister dogged all over Christmas while my Hubby was trying hard to embrace celebrating a Jewish Christmas, aka going out to Chinese...sans movie, since everyone else seems to have adopted that and it was too busy.  I think people just don't know how to communicate anymore, so they seek out movies, tablets, electronic distractions in place of just getting together as a family.

Even as I sit here watching one of my gifts from Hubby, he sits downstairs on the computer while my mom reads upstairs in her bedroom. My sister will be out of the house until everyone else has gone to bed.  The family is fractured even when it is together.  I can't continue to force a conversation between them, I'm not built that way.  I'm not used to feeling like this...not anymore.  Our family was this fractured before I left the house, I just forgot.  It's just more complicated with Hubby here.

I feel like my life has entered the third act.  I've gone through childhood, young adult, and full grown adult life is starting.  I'm a totally different person than I was a few weeks ago.  I need to figure out who I am now.

Snow on Christmas Eve

I'm taking it. 

Xmas Eve Eve

After a lunch with the Bro-in-law we came back home to work on "the list" that we had set up at the beginning of the week. My mom didn't want to get rid of her two lazy boys, so I suggested that we move our "sac-scional" to be fatter instead to make room for the other item. Hubby thought we should just take one piece out and move it back to storage. I jokingly said that it would be like giving up space that we were allowed to take already, and he said "well someone has to be an adult about this."

After he acted like a sick baby all day yesterday, now because I got a little upset he decides he is the adult. I've been wondering lately if our marriage can take this move. Because right now I'm super pissed off at this new attitude he has. If this is the real him, I'm going to have to bow out. 

Alone Time

By mid afternoon hubby had managed to get very sick. It resulted in me running around town getting him medication while getting one of our tables out of storage. He ended up getting some Nyquil down and passing out around 6. Mom was pushing on me that Old Navy was having a sale on boots, so I went to the outlet mall by myself and stayed there until they closed at 9.  It was nice being by myself shopping for boots that I never ended up finding. My fitbit was happy that I was walking, so I just kept going. I did find a $71 pair of boots that were cute, but not enough to warrant the price.

It was the alone time I needed, although I feel like more would be nice. 

Strained Relations

I finally got hubby to help me dye my hair today. It made me feel more human to take care of myself for a little while.

Then I went over to BFF'S house for a little bit. We walked a few blocks around her neighborhood looking for a house for us to rent/buy. We found a couple of places, but no one will take us without jobs. I really hope my one call back comes through in the end. 

I got back to mom's and the fatigue just came over me. I had only walked about a mile according to the new fitbit my mom had gotten me, so why was I so tired?

Hubby was out getting washers for our new shower head and getting a haircut. It was just me and mom. So of course she used that opportunity to complain about hubby and my sister about the lack of work that they do. She was mad that he'd left the house too late to pick up salmon from the place she wanted. She didn't want to go out to dinner when asked though. So hubby picked up some pork and made this amazing dish with lemon and capers. He even got asparagus which is one of my favorites. Of course I got to eat on my lap because mom didn't clear off the table. She doesn't want to get rid of anything. 

We really need to get a job, get out, and leave her to just rot here. It's what she wants. 

After dinner, even though I was on the brink of sleep, we went around to see the Xmas lights. There were many fun ones in the area, but they were really far apart. I'm try and post a video later, the mobile app won't let me do it here. 

360

Hubby did apologize and we seemed to be okay as a family. We went to our favorite bar for dinner and a Mexican hot chocolate, then headed to BFF's improv show. At first the people around me were giving me a headache and I was regretting coming. The intro to BFF'S new boyfriend was awkward and quick. I trolled on tumblr until the show started, so my phone battery was down to zero. After we all went out to eat and to a bar it loosened up and I felt much better. I think everything is going to be okay. We just need to find a balance of work and play.

Tell Me What to Do

Today seemed okay at first. My sister and Hubby and I went to see Annie. It was cute and I think the reviewers are too harsh about it. It's charming.

Then we got food and came home to mom in a bad mood, and suddenly hubby decided that the whole kitchen counter needed to be clear for him to cut the cut the chicken we had just brought home. He started dumping things into the trash, and I just bailed. I knew it would upset mom, and it was a move my father would have made, so I saw the fight coming. What I didn't see coming was hubby losing it on mom completely. He asked her why she had "made" him quit his $47,000 a year job to move in with her so that she could treat him this way. He stormed out of the house without his phone and was gone for an hour. 

I started texting his brother worried that he had just decided to spend the night there, but then he walked in the door. He still wanted to leave, but I got him to talk about it and stay.  He said he'd apologize to mom, but she didn't want to talk about it tonight. I said we'd go over it along with some ground rules tomorrow. 

I can't take a side, but I've got to take a stand. I just don't know what I want to do. 

Family Hanukkah

This was the first night of Hanukkah that my sister, hubby, mom and I could all spend together. Since we had given away one of mom's couches to make room for ours, we spend the day going to the storage facility and getting ours assembled at the house. It looks good, but there are still some cleaning that needs to be done so that the room looks good.

Hubby made latkes and we went to see this amazing house. They had synchronized their lights and had dimmers and the whole nine yards. This was the end of one of the songs 

Socialization

After another blowout with the hubby and mom, I got to go out for my first round of socialising since moving back. My best friend A and I ran a few errands and then watched Love Actually at her house. I was so tired that I'm afraid I wasn't much fun, but we made plans for Friday/Saturday to meet her new boyfriend and go see her improv show. I told her about my blog idea for the official state drink, she seemed to think it was cool. I'll have to get on that at some point.

Errands

Our errands list keeps growing and I feel like it will be a long time before we get jobs. The one job that asked me for a phone interview this week never called back.

I did get some clothes out to goodwill and put away in my closet, so it did feel like I got more done. Of course with it being much colder and darker here earlier, it's hard to keep motivated. 

Energy Crisis

Hubby and I set out around noon to fix everything on our list. We drove my car over to get all weather tires, went to go eat, went to another store and walked out because the line was too long, then mom called. She wanted to complain about how her friend wasn't calling her back to take away her couches so we could move ours in. I told her to do what she wants and let us know.

Then we changed our address with the bank and got really tired. We went home and I started on the Holiday cards while hubby went through a few boxes of clothes. overall a semi productive day 

Boxes, Boxes, Everywhere

Mom wanted to run some errands today that basically took all day to complete. We had one meal but I shouldn't be eating that much anyway. It was a full on carb parade while we were moving, and I needed to get back on track.

I woke up with a yeast infection, due to the high stress of moving. Of course that medication was in a box, that was thankfully in the kitchen and not in storage. 

We ended the day pretty early due to a snowstorm that no one knew was coming. I've got to get all weather tires tomorrow before the winter seriously gets started.  

Look at All the Fucks I give

The shit completely hit the fan today. Hubby lost his shit twice and I had one emotional breakdown.

None of our things will fit in the house. We had to take almost the entire truck over to the storage facility and just empty it. My mother doesn't seem to understand her hoarding tendencies, and I feel like for every step forward she takes 3 steps back. 

I feel torn apart and I don't know what to do. I want to run away from everyone. The only thing right is the town in in. Maybe it's just lack of sleep and communication, but I'm afraid this isn't going to work. 

Death Day

Woke up at 6AM, and we were still not making any headway. At 8AM G woke up and came over to help. My sister and Hubby and I are not what you'd call a self starter, but G makes up for it in spades. He kicked our asses in gear and by 4 PM we were on our way. Except for we ran into a storm 3 hours into our 10 hour journey. I mean literally. It just started snowing and the next thing you know I was hydroplaning/skidding on ice and almost went into a ditch. Hubby didn't see me do it and kept driving with the truck.

It was at that point that fear basically took over my life. 

Never Gonna Make It...

We've been up since 9 AM packing. It's 2:00 and we haven't even loaded the truck.

But we have to be out by tomorrow. 

Packing Day

Just a lot of packing today.  I'm having a hard time packing my clothes, because I don't know who I'm going to want to be where I get there.

Seperation Day

I had lunch with a co-worker, then had to go into work to get my last paycheck.  My badge didn't work, so I had to go back and forth trying to get into the building.  Then payroll told me my paycheck wasn't even ready until today regardless.  This job was ridic to the end.

I got to visit with Mike in the evening, and it was a really nice last visit.  I hope later in life we end up living closer together.

Last Day of Employment

My last day consisted of a free meal, an 1.5 hour long exit interview, and lots of dicking around while I went through my emails and made sure I had everything right.

It said to drop off my badges and get my last paycheck at payroll.  It was 8:00 at night and no one was there anymore, so I guess I'm coming back tomorrow.

Legs Like A Bowl Full of Jelly

My legs hurt so bad from wearing high heels and walking around yesterday that I almost didn't make it into work. I only left an hour early instead.

I said goodbye to a couple of people at work today that were off tomorrow. I'm finding that although I'm a little sad, I'm not really that sad. I feel a little bad that I'm not as sad as I should be. 

The Wedding

I'm so very tired, but happy tired. G had his wedding, and it was odd but fun. I stayed up late editing the photos I took for them and being happy about future relationships.

Bonjour

Our friend ABay came back from France and spent the day with us. We should've been packing, but it was nice to see him one last time.

We talked until our throats were raw and then talked some more. Even though we know is time to leave this town behind, it was nice to look back on the good moments. 

Picture Perfect Friendship

I went out with M tonight. We went to the Polaroid store to print out some photos. I wanted to get some for Hubby spanning our first 10 years together.

I will regret not making more time for M. I hope she comes to visit us back home and we can continue a friendship. 

Patience Wearing Thin

I decided to leave early from work as customers were trying my patience. Of course then I got stuck at work for an extra half hour helping an idiot decide what she'd like to exchange. I pray that this is my last customer service job, but I know that will most likely not happen.

2 days of work left. 

Why Are You Leaving?

I'm getting that question a lot at work lately. It's just so many things. I don't have time to explain to them that I'm out of friends, time, and patience. I guess people are used to others leaving the company for something better like Google. I'm leaving with no job in sight.

They are making me a little sad to leave, but I just have to remember the zero times we hung out outside of work. That will make it easier to go. 

Cyber Monday

I said goodbye to more people at work today. We all joked about how much I was laid back and didn't care anymore, and honestly it is really freeing. I actually think I'm doing a better job. Weird how that works.

We were crazy busy nearly all night, that I didn't get a chance to do anything I needed to do. The closing papers came back from the bank. We are asking for a move out date of the 12th and closing date of the 10th so we will have the money for the move. 

Sales Suck

I edited some pictures to order and pick up, there was a cyber monday sale.  They won't let me pick up at the store.  So I'm mad.  That's all that happened today really.

Booze Blog

My friend R has been telling me that I need a niche blog to start once I move.  He has a good point that a niche blog has a build in audience, but he kept thinking food whereas I'm not as into food as he and the hubby are.

Today my sister said that once I'm moved back we need to go to a speakeasy that she had found in town.  I looked into their site and it was pretty cool, with amazing sounding drinks.  Then it hit me; my blog could be finding the state's "Official Drink."  We have an unofficial one that not many people know about, but it could be fun.  I could get into the history of the state and travel around.  It might even pay a little more if I got advertisers.

I did find a drink recipe based site located in my town, but I think that mine would be different enough that it would be fine.  I might even email them and ask them about their opinions and make get them to write something about my blog.  I could cite spending 10 years in the boozy lower half of the state being experience for knowing what a good drink tastes like.  I think it could be a lot of fun.  I just really need a name.

Shut In-Black Friday

Because it was Black Friday, we didn't leave the house today.  I didn't get a lot of sleep, but we ended up being so lazy that our dinner was essential our breakfast. 

Hubby's friend who was in rehab finally called him, and he sounds much better.  However, he wanted to stay on the phone while I drove to his father's house hours away.  He is still upstairs on the phone with him while I'm downstairs watching TrueTori.  I don't get why I'm so obsessed with her life, but I am.  I honestly feel for both of them at once.  Sometimes Dean is totally right, and Tori being crazy, and sometimes it's vice versa. 

It really makes me wonder how I'm going to be as a mom, I'm worried that I'll give too much like she does.  I'm also worried that I will be the opposite, and I'll resent my children for taking up all my time.  My mom was overprotective and my dad just gave up on trying to raise us as well, and I'm afraid to end up like my parents.  Does everyone end up like my parents?

Thanksgiving

It was a real introvert Thanksgiving. We didn't leave the house, had an amazing dinner, watched White Christmas and headed to bed early. 

It was our first Thanksgiving together actually on the day since we've been married. In 10 years. Sad but true. Hopefully this is the first of the rest of our lives. 

The Actual Final Countdown

They didn't escort me out of work today, but maybe that is because it's the holiday.  I'll be a little worried about it again on Monday.  For now, this is my weekend and I'm going to try my best to enjoy the holiday...and not be constantly worried about why I've done this crazy, crazy thing.

The final countdown has started.  My last day will be the 8th, my sister is coming in on the 10th, and we are packing everything up on the 11th and leaving on the 12th.

Only time will tell if this was the dumbest mistake of my life.

Two Weeks Notice

16 days after I wanted to send it, I finally got to send the most anticipated email of the last three years.  I got to finally put in my two weeks notice.  The underwriting didn't come back but it should tomorrow, and they said that it looked fine and shouldn't be a problem at all.

Later in the night I sent out an email to everyone that I felt close to and said goodbye.  I still have a feeling that they will not let me work my last two weeks, so I sent that out ASAP and hopefully they'll know that I really appreciated their friendship.

I watched up to the Captain America/Hydra episode of AOS today.  Pretty awesome stuff, I'm really sad that I wasn't watching it live.  Hopefully next season is good too.

This is it...in two weeks I won't be living or working here anymore.  It's weird to feel relief and dread all at the same time.

The Big Bad

I woke up early and picked up a co-worker and three of us went to breakfast together before our meeting.  We walked around downtown for an hour or so until we had to leave for the meeting.  It was a really nice time.  The meeting wasn't.  The meeting was a lot of dumb stuff.  We left early, disgruntled with the entire situation.  I went home and had Chipotle with the hubby, then I had to come back to work from 7PM-Midnight.  It was crazy busy, and ever since I got to that meeting I felt like a heavy weight has been on my chest. 

They didn't get back to us on the underwriting for the house.  They are out of contract, so our realtor is going to email them tomorrow and tell them that we are going to back out if it isn't done, costing everyone else money.  Hopefully that kicks them in the ass.

I was catching up on Agents of Shield and Coulson quoted Dollhouse, and I got unbelievably happy.  I think I'm the only one who liked Dollhouse, but I stand by it.

The Gum You Like is Going to Come Back Into Style

I got the sleep I needed last night, which was fantastic.  I feel better than I have in weeks today.  Of course, last night Hubby "felt sick" and didn't do anything, so I guess we are back in our old habits.  I did the laundry he didn't do yesterday this morning.

I watched a little more of Twin Peaks today at work.  I really just don't get how this show was so popular.  It's quirky I guess, but I just don't see the draw.  It is like a weird melodrama with soap opera tendencies, and one enthusiastic Kyle MacLachlan.  He is pretty funny actually.  Hopefully he's in the new one they plan on doing.  Maybe I'll like that a little more.  I'm still going to watch this one through to the end and see if it sticks.

Auto-Fill

I woke up around 5AM with massive stomach pain.  I had already had a drink with the guys last night and so I really didn't want to also have a pain pill, but it was so bad (or I was just so tired) that I started crying and just took a pill.  It didn't end up really kicking in until an hour later, but at least I got back to sleep.  It's starting to hurt a little again, so I think I'm just not going to bed without one.  I really need my full 8 hours of sleep, and to fall asleep before the husband so I can get into REM before he starts his snore-a-thon.

Hubby took me to work today so he could borrow the car for holiday food shopping.  Apparently we are going to be all alone for the first time in our 10 year marriage on Thanksgiving day.  Hubby wants a real introvert Thanksgiving, as he turned down an invite from G last night to attend his dinner.  This holiday is the only time I want to be an extrovert, so I was a little sad about that. 

Hopefully next year will be filled with family and we won't have to ever have one alone again.  I feel so displaced from this house sale, like we don't live there anymore and it's just a place we are staying.  I just want to get on with my life.  Hopefully they will finish everything up on Monday and I can put in my 2 weeks.  I've wanted to put in my two weeks for so long that every time I type "2" or "tw" my phone auto-fills in 2 weeks.  Even my phone is sick of this waiting shit.

Location Scouting

I picked up the Husband from the airport and we went out to sushi, since I was still in Vodka party mode and just needed my stomach to be filled so it couldn't cramp so bad I wanted to die.  I wanted to just crawl into bed afterwards, and did...until G texted me and wanted to leave early to location scout for photos for his wedding.  We were out for an hour longer than I thought it was going to take, and I was dying.  That was around the time his fiancee called and asked what we were doing, as if she didn't remember.  Then she got upset and said "What if I wanted to take pictures somewhere else?"  "Where?"  He asked her.  She didn't have any ideas, but was mad we were out scouting.

Bridezilla alert.  So he was mopey and angry with her, for good reason.  We ended up going to a coffee shop and talking about all the documentaries I watched the other day.  As it turned out, his fiancee got taken out for a bachorlette party, so he was even more mopey.  So I took him to my favorite sex store and told him things to get for his honeymoon. 

Then we picked up tacos for the hubby and took them home, and then he stayed at my house and moped again until after midnight.  All I wanted was to spend the day in bed with my husband...sigh.

A 3 Hour Tour

I spent three hours at big O tires today. There were these adorable little girls in the waiting room with me, watching Frozen on their mother's phone.  I was sad to see him go when the next people to wait with me were a bunch of idiots. They kept talking back to the TV and answering all of the questions wrong. 

I went home and made banana bread, and got some flowers for Hubby anyway tomorrow.   It's only 10 PM but I just want to go to bed. 

Son of a Vodka Party!

I had an awesome idea to meet Hubby at the airport on Friday in something sexy, because honestly jumping him is the first thing I want to do.  Then my vodka party came to ruin the whole thing.  Since the jig was up I told him so he wouldn't be disappointed on Friday.  My secondary plan was going to be bringing him these floppy yellow flowers that he brings me when he has to pick me up from the airport.  Then he texted "sex is better than those floppy yellow flowers."

I texted back "Well there goes plan B"

Docu-Dramas

The appraiser was a nice guy, kind of this interesting, ruggedly handsome while still being aloof kind of guy.  He was in and out within a half hour, and said he'd be "sorry to lose" us, like he spoke for the whole city.  He actually went to the University in my hometown, and said he thought it was a nice little town.  He was an interesting character.

Around 7:30 PM fatigue hit me really hard.  The lack of sleep since Hubby left caught up with me finally, and all I wanted to do was just go home.  Maybe the doctor was right and I have a UTI, but I guess if they don't call me then I don't have it.    I feel like my heart is pounding into my throat and all I want to do is lay down.  Which is what I want to do all the time.

I hope I can get enough sleep tonight to wake up refreshed tomorrow and start packing away all the non-essentials. I also need to start moving boxes into the garage.  I haven't done anything of value since Hubby left, and I feel terrible about it.

The past couple of days I've been watching nothing but documentaries on HBOGo and Netflix.  I've watched Showgirls: Glitz and Angst, About Face: Supermodels Then and Now, Americans in Bed, The Out List, Plastic Disasters, The (Dead Mothers) Club, and Marina Abramovic: The Artist is Present.  I've come to the conclusion that documentaries are mostly about needless nudity.  Or maybe it's just my choice of documentaries.

Good, Bad, Worse, Then Better

I forgot about my doctor's appointment today...until about 5 minutes before.  I called them and managed to get there only 15 minutes late.  Except for a high white blood cell count, everything looked super improved.  Even my liver levels were only a few points above normal status.  She asked if I had good luck with the liver specialist I went to see.  I told her that I didn't end up seeing one, no one would ever call me back.  She told me that whatever I did, it looked like I just healed myself.

I wondered if cutting out all painkillers and non-essential medicine was really all that it was, but I think that it was mostly stress.  I guess I'm less stressed now than I was in May?  It was the last time I spent a good amount of time in my hometown, so I should have been well rested.  I guess I just need to be not stressed, but that is so easier said than done.  The rest of the day really went downhill.

Work is getting more and more petty and stupid, and I texted R again like an idiot.  After the annoying conversation I actually changed her name in my phone to say stop texting her.  By the end of the day I was so done with work that I went out for a drink with G and talked about his wedding on the 7th.  I should still be here, so he wants me to do his pictures.  The dirty martini felt really good, but I didn't want another one.  I got home around 2 AM and had to do laundry and get ready for the appraiser to come tomorrow at noon.

Interstellar

Well taking my car in didn't work out, they only had 2 guys in the shop today so I told them I'd swing by on Thursday instead.  I did get my hair cut, and she turned my pixie into a nice clean Gatsby-esque bob, so I'm pretty happy about that.  Not ready to go back to work tomorrow, playing hooky was much more fun.

My friend R was so excited that I was seeing Interstellar today that he sent me an email to read after I watched the movie (we are in different time zones right now so he was going to be asleep by the time I got out.)  This was his email and my responses in italics:

1. Too many famous actors, took me out of the movie.
Yuh.  Was like the American Harry Potter.  Or white Roots.  Only one person of color in the movie?  Da Future!

2. Why didn't Secret NASA find Cooper sooner if he's the best bet to SAVE HUMANITY? Explore all options!

Nah, cause it was all a lie, remember?  He took him away from his kids for NOTHING!!!

3. Entire Casey Affleck story on Earth. Unneeded. Why so angry? Your family is dying! Then suddenly not angry after fire?

Agreed.  Could have had whole story without son.

4. Why is Murph still so pissed off even as an adult? She works there now. She knows why he had to go.

Maybe is like death.  She got stuck at the angry side of grief and didn't leave.  Like my mom.  (that got serious, I didn't mean it that seriously.  She's just a really good example.)

5. He wants nothing more than to see her again. Finally does, mini visit, ok see ya! Family doesn't even care that hey, this is our famous great great grandfather!

Yuh.  She kept talking after, so gonna choose to believe that it went on longer, just didn't show.

6. Library books, watch, cubes sequence. Wat. More science plz

You know...love.  peace.  understanding.  weed.  hippies.  whatevs.

7. Topher out of no where.

Yuh, Rando Topher.  He was on the set one day and was like "Hey, every other white person is in this movie, why wasn't I invited?"  "Okay Topher, you can be the boyfriend.  We feel bad your last movie was that horrible Spiderman sequel."

8. Matt Damon character one of smartest people alive. Makes dumb mistakes.

Always.

9. He has no interest in seeing what happened to his son when back home?

Nope.  Could've done the whole movie without him.  Proves it.  Also, he wants to go out and meet Brand?  He spent just under a year with her in "real time" and there was no indication of romance.  "She okay?  That's good." done.

10. We ALL know who is sending messages back in time. It's not a twist if we already know. Stop it M. Night.

LoLz, I didn't think about it.  Once it happened though, was like "of course."

11. He enters the black hole.. but exits at the worm hole entrance by Saturn?

Sure.  It's all connected.  It's a small world after all. LoLz j/k

12. Robots are pretty cool.

TARS is no WALL-E.  Never even really knew what it stood for.  I wish they had auto-tuned it a little, thought there was a rando person in the ship with them at points.  Wish you could up the humor level on humans sometimes. 

My thoughts:

The spinning dock scene was awesome.  Almost felt like I was spinning, was cool.  Overall I really liked the movie, but I was a little cranky with small things, like why?  They never fully explain what happened to turn everywhere on earth into Las Vegas?  Also, if you know dust storms happen 24/7, WHY WOULD YOU EVER OPEN YOUR WINDOW??? 

Wished that in front of the remade house was the truck that STILL HAD A FLAT TIRE!  You can't off-road a car that long on a flat crazy-pants! The science was way shaky, at a certain point I had to be like "You know what I'm just gonna go with it cause it's too much work to keep up with all the inaccuracies."

Overall I really liked it, it was way better than Gravity (and had more to do with gravity), and the acting was far better.  I'm still not 100% on why they had to spin out all that way though.

Should've Stayed in Bed

I woke up still just super tired.  I put on a 45 minute timer and went back to sleep.  I choose not to call my mom on the way to work since she made me life hell yesterday.  The karma immediately caught up with me.  I went into work and helped a co-worker move some desks.  Then I was put to help out customers in two venues that was not what I usually do for an hour.  I had horrible customers the whole time, and then got set up with a terrible situation when I was put back to my usual job.

Then I got to a work email that said there was a marathon outside of the office the next day, so my parking garage was going to be closed.  I took that as a sign that I needed to just not go to work tomorrow.   On the way home the wind picked up so badly that my throat started to close up.

I'm going to take my car into the auto shop tomorrow and see why the the VDC, Slip and ABS lights keep coming on, and then maybe go get a haircut.  I need something to make me feel more like myself.  I'm going to see Interstellar at night, and hope that it's not 3 hours of boring movie.

Big Martyr 6

Hubby called me to say that the realtor called him.  She spoke with the buyer's realtor, and apparently he's got his head up his ass.  I'm not sure if he is just new to the whole real estate game, or just an ignoramus who had never been challenged before.  He tried to pull a fast one and said that he had plenty of time to complete his end of the process, and if we didn't like it he would walk with the earnest money.  Our realtor let him know that if he walked from the deal now, we get the earnest money as part of the paperwork that he signed stating that he would have his end of the process done by last Sunday, which he hadn't.  Our realtor thinks that she straightened him out, so hopefully by the 17th I can put in my notice.

Five minutes after I got off the phone with hubby my mother called me.  I'll never know what she called me about, because I told her about the realtor part and that Hubby had moved his flight to exactly a week from today.  She got mad because she had canceled her massage on Sunday to drive him to the airport.  I asked her if she had even asked him if he needed a ride, because he could have gotten it from anyone, or even left early, and there was no need to cancel her plans.  She stated that he had no other way of getting there but her.  When she answers like this, it just means that she didn't talk to him in the first place, just canceled her plans.  She's got a martyr complex that is going to cause us to just get an apartment.  I told hubby to call mom because she was really pissing me off.

Before he could call she sent him a passive aggressive text message: "Wish you had let me know before.  I cancelled my plans for Sunday morning to take you to the airport and made plans for Sunday Afternoon."  Hubby texted her back: "If you had let me know you had made plans I might have.  Besides, it was not necessary for you to cancel those plans in the first place.  I certainly appreciate the fact that you want to help, but I can make other arrangements if you have other things to do.  You don't need to put your life on hold for me.  One of the reasons I wanted to move back was to help you."

Drama drama drama.  I didn't want any of it.  I went downstairs to have breakfast and did some laundry, then later on went to the moves with my friend M, who I'm glad to be hanging out with more.  She's doing a boot camp that got her to lose ten pounds already, so she's doing well.  She says she's not ready to date yet, and I totally understand.  When she is ready, she deserves to have someone special.

G got us the tickets and we thanked him on the way out.  He got me an "Annie" poster and M a" Dumb and Dumber To" poster.  I have no idea what I'm going to do with the poster, but I am excited for the movie.  Big Hero 6 was cute, but there were a lot of plot holes that I had a problem with.  I also feel like all Marvel can do this year is give us adorable characters that (spoiler alert) have a limited vocab and die needlessly.

All I wanted this weekend was some time by myself.  I got granted a week without the hubby, but these past two days had enough contact that sometimes I just want to shut off my phone.  Maybe I can accidentally leave it on airplane mode next weekend.

Intro/Extro

As I was driving home last night Hubby called me.  Again.  I hate talking on the phone, and I had a crap day.  I answered the phone on my bluetooth and asked if anything was wrong.  Nope, he just wanted to talk. 

I called, and I was rude.  I told him that he had just left, and I really didn't want to talk on the phone.  I talked to him that morning.  And the afternoon.  I talked to him more than I ate that day.  I was done.

I apologized to him this morning, but I still feel like I need an alone day.  Thankfully I got it (for the most part) today.  I still had a million text messages to answer, but it wasn't that bad.  I'm going to the movies with a friend tomorrow, but that is for the evening.  Until then I plan on just cleaning up the house and not leaving.  I did plenty of shopping today to feel like I got out and saw the world.  I made a whole meal by myself for myself while listening to a podcast about depression.  It actually explained a lot of what I've gone through in my life, as well as just yesterday.  I wasn't a big fan of the podcast in general (the first half hour is pretty much all commercials), but they way they spoke about mental illness was very accurate.  It made me feel a little less alone.

Grow UP!

Our realtor sent an email to the new lenders asking them to basically get a move on as the deadline has already passed.  I'm slowly dying with each freaking day that passes this week.

Hubby texted me like 18 times on the way to work.  Maybe not that many, but enough to get me aggravated because he knew I was driving to work and on the phone with my mother.  When I tried to call him back my mother called me again, and I got super stressed out before I even walked into work.  My first day of alone time didn't afford me any actual down/alone time.

I did manage to journal a little this morning which did make me feel better at the time, until I read a little of it.  My current journal has lasted a long time, I started it in 2000.  It spans my whole relationship and marriage.  It was all the same kind of struggles that I have today, and it worried me a little.  Had I not evolved at all?

Then I realized that my journal was just the place where I went to when I was feeling low, or depressed, or angry.  It was just the same things that pissed me off, made me sad or depressed.  It still worried me.  Had I not evolved?

It still worries me hours later.  I certainly had grown up, I'm very much not the person I was in 2000.  I'm not even remotely as boy crazy, but I guess that comes with marriage.  My sex drive is far higher for sure, and I'm not complaining about that.

Sink Back Into the Ocean

In honor of NaNoWriMo, I'm going to write out this month like a novel.

***

Hubby left around noon, only she didn't really want him to leave this time.  He got a speeding ticket in the middle of nowhere, so that was another $115 that she didn't have in the hole.  She understood that it was just bad timing (he was going 35 in a 25), but she was still so angry with him.  She tried to keep it to herself and tracked his road trip through the iPhone location details.

When he texted that he got home safe, a wave of loneliness swept over here, along with a little relief.  It wasn't that she didn't love him, but being alone was so refreshing.  She thought of all the things she was going to be able to get done.  She wanted to move all the existing boxes to the garage now that his car was out.  She so needed something to feel real about this move.  She hadn't heard back from her friend at the cell phone company, and it was starting to make her nervous.  She really needed that job, now more than ever.

At work she decided to catch up on "The Affair" since she had only seen the first episode.  It had a title sequence with a Fiona Apple song now, and it felt appropriate.  She felt bad for Pacey getting cheated on.

Much like Gotham, she was having a hard time with this show in regards to motive.  She didn't see why these two were attracted to each other (let alone why their stories didn't match), or why Jim Gordon stayed in Gotham for no reason other than his family is from there.  If her family was from Gotham she wouldn't want to go back for them or any other reason.

***

I'm sucking at this 3rd person BS.  It was a tough 11 days, but I'm going to stop tomorrow.

Waiting for Godot

In honor of NaNoWriMo, I'm going to write out this month like a novel.

***

Hubby had managed to give himself a cold sore. A few days ago he had an unfortunate experience with a razor in an intimate area, so he wasn't having a great week.  She felt bad letting him leave on an 8 hour road trip tomorrow feeling terrible.

Their realtor said that she wasn't comfortable with her putting in her two weeks until the underwriter had come back.  They didn't answer her messages today, but hopefully they would call back tomorrow.

The two weeks notice was sitting in her draft folder, waiting to be sent.  Her fingers itched to send it anyway, but she decided to wait.  Soon it would be way too late for Thanksgiving in her hometown.  She feared she was getting fixated and not paying attention at work.

This waiting thing was killing her.

Hold Tight A Little Longer...

In honor of NaNoWriMo, I'm going to write out this month like a novel.

***

She had been a fun good friend until recently.  Then the texting became...argumentative.  R also had an autoimmune disease, so she made many excuses for the sudden turn in their friendship.  She'd be gone soon anyway and it wouldn't matter anymore. 

Before she even had a chance to write it, the realtor called and said to hold off on her 2 week notice until tomorrow.  She was a little sad, because that would mean that she would have to go to a meeting that she really didn't want to go to.  She sighed, resigned to the fact that she'd have to sit through another boring meeting.  At least she wouldn't be dealing with her day to day tasks on her last days.

Hubby had decided to go back up to her mother's house to drop off his car tomorrow and fly back at the end of the week.  Of course, this last minute plan didn't end up working out perfectly, as the flights were just as expensive as it was to rent a car and drive back.  He said he would decide tomorrow what the best course of action would be.  It was all too much for her to deal with right now.

Time to start her rough draft of her 2 weeks notice.

If This Is It, Please Tell Me So

In honor of NaNoWriMo, I'm going to write out this month like a novel.

***

Today was the last day the buyers could back out without penalty, so the whole day was met with trepidation. Her thoughts all day consisted of the two week notice she would write and send out the next day.  She thought about what would happen after she sent it out.  Would they just show her the door and say forget about the last two weeks?  That would be money that she wouldn't have anymore.  Would she come into work on Monday and her badge would not scan?

Or would they allow her to work her two weeks without question?  What if the buyers backed out anyway and she was left without a job?  She thought of Thursday and meeting up with a college friend who had said he could possibly get her a job at a highly regarded cell phone company.  She had sent off her resume to him today and hadn't heard back yet, but he was just getting back to Alaska after a week long trip to her city.  She didn't want to get her hopes up, but she really wanted this job.  It was a perfect next step and she felt she could really flourish in it.

She needed to set that aside for now and decided on the perfect words for her notice.  It was going to be a delicate balance of words. 

And let the chips fall where they may.

Curb Trouble, A Retrospective

In honor of NaNoWriMo, I'm going to write out this month like a novel.

*** 

Her windshield was so dirty that she was having a hard time seeing through it when the sun shined at just the right angle.  It was time for a car wash, her first proper one this year.  Getting Hubby up was quite the challenge, and they didn't end up leaving the house until 3:00 PM.

She choose the car wash by the old apartment because it was cheaper and they always did an amazing job.  Since they were already up there, it was decided that they would have dinner at the neighborhood bar and grill, the place of great significance to her.  It was the site of her first Big City Breakdown.

They had moved in that week, and met with nothing but adversity.  They wouldn't come in to turn on the heat and electricity until the end of the week.  In fact, they had the cable installed days before they had the electricity to run it.  They had even gone for a hair trim just to get their hair washed.  It was long before her pixie cuts, polka dot watch, and her ragtag group of girlfriends, or hypothyroidism would shake everything she knew.  When it was just her and Hubby, isolated and alone.

They had unloaded the largest Uhaul all by themselves, and the muscle fatigue was like no pain she had ever felt before.  They had gone out for the meal at the Neighborhood Bar and Grill because they had no electricity to cook, and stayed for longer than they should have because it was nice to just sit down and relax.  It was a mistake, as getting up would prove to be very painful after so little movement.

She got to the curb, and knew that stepping down to the street would cause an immense amount of pain.  The mere thought of having to endure it made her burst into tears, and she needed several minutes to stop crying and finally step down.  It wasn't really all about the pain of the curb, but about the decision that she had made.  Even on that day 10 years ago she knew she'd made a horrible mistake, that nothing was going to go her way.

Today, looking around the restaurant and remembering all the times she'd spent there, she knew she had been right, but also a little wrong.  Maybe it had been a mistake to move there and expect the things she did, but there were still plenty of good times to remember.  The small amount of friends she had made for a small period of time were good.  There were pockets of happiness in the last 10 years that she would look fondly back on.  Being at that restaurant felt like the right thing to do.  They visited the apartment one last time, and went home to the house that was about to also fast becoming part of their past.

La Reve

In honor of NaNoWriMo, I'm going to write out this month like a novel.

***

She felt a little trapped in this shopping trip, but her mother did love to shop, and she herself had suggested this store.

For some odd reason her aunt had come along as well, and they were all scattered around the huge store. She would catch up with them later. 

The store had everything, not how she remembered in her waking life. The money was endless because she was with her mother, so she filled their cart with beautiful clothes, Uggs shoes that didn't look like Uggs at all, and everything she was going to need for her new life. 

She went to see a movie with a friend inside the giant store, and they passed around pills to take to make you feel sexy and amazing about yourself, you just weren't allowed to drive after taking them. She'd never tried any kind of drugs before, but she felt she could trust this company. 

Before the drugs took full hold (you had to go into a VR game to obtain them) she heard her name being called over the intercom, but it was the nickname her Co workers called her. It was her mother, having not obtained enough merchandise to hit a certain reward level, had gone back to shopping, this time for produce. The drugs washed over her, and she let herself feel beautiful and loved for as long stage drugs would last. 

It was in the first beautiful swell that she woke up. In her normal bed, with her back hurting the way it always did in the morning. She knew where she's gotten every idea, item, and person in her dream. It make her think of that quote from Invisible Monsters; "Nothing of me is original. I am the combined effort of everyone I've ever known."

She hadn't had a dream this vivid in a long time. The were slowly coming back to her, and she was no longer used to them. When she first got married she had dreams so vivid that she could be mad at her husband all day for something he did in her dream. 

As scary as they were, she was glad they were back. It meant she was on her way to being back to her full self, someone she hasn't been in 10 years. 

Final Days

In honor of NaNoWriMo, I'm going to write out this month like a novel.

***

A timeline had been predicted that brought everything together in regards to the sale of the house.  As early as the 24th, but it could go longer depending on when they decided to leave.  From yesterday's events, she wanted to leave as soon as humanly possible.  This news was so close that she wanted to finally shout it from the rooftops, post it to Facebook, and take the long 8+ hour drive home.  She wanted to be having drinks in her favorite hometown bar, with her friends, safe but also in peril looking for work.

She was a little afraid that she would end up in a job she hated.  There wasn't much time to think about that now.  She had planning to do to get the move going.

Freedom Doesn't Feel Free

In honor of NaNoWriMo, I'm going to write out this month like a novel.

***

Finally she was free.  Her rotation on a role she was elected to at work was over, and a new person had fought hard for the next rotation and won.  She was a little sad, but mostly relieved.  She enjoyed the time off in all the meetings, but in the end she'd be just as happy manning the fort while other people went to all the meetings.

Of course, her other meetings got canceled, thus reminding her that the system is very flawed, and not going to get any better during her time here.  There was more paperwork for the house today that the realtor said wasn't a big hurry to fill out.  Her anxiety level rose due to her removal, although she knew it was coming, to leave.

The job search continues.

Reign

In honor of NaNoWriMo, I'm going to write out this month like a novel.

***

 Although English Royal history is of slight interest to her, she mostly started watching Reign because Megan Follows was in it (and they had finally put it on Netflix).  Megan is certainly not Anne of Green Gables, but her playing evil is sort of fun to watch.  She thought that the clothing choices of the show were a little strange however.  It is more of a stylized piece of fiction then a historical piece.

An important piece of the house selling puzzle came into play today.  Even with this little push, leaving before Thanksgiving didn't seem like a possibility any longer.  It was her favorite holiday, and she felt a little sad that it was likely she wouldn't be having it anywhere, just like the unpacked Halloween decorations.  Hanukkah was also looming as a missed holiday.  She would surely be spending it without a job.

She still spent every break at work scoring the internet for other jobs, but none seemed to consider her unless she was unemployed and living in the same town.  It was going to be a terrible job hunt.

Pain Pangs

In honor of NaNoWriMo, I'm going to write out this month like a novel.

***

 Driving to work was pretty free and clear of traffic, but it was busy over the Bluetooth to her mother.  Her mother was mad that everyone was talking about her behind her back and expecting her to get things done when no one else was.  She tried to explain to her mother that she was getting rid of her entire household in order to move in to help her.

Mom was having a hard time letting go of things.  So much so that there was an entire house sitting on a quarter of an acre filled with junk.  Most of the reason why she was coming home was that her mother was showing small signs of dementia and is likely not going to get better.

Then at the end of the night, Mike from The Mike Project said to her "I'm proud of you for daring greatly and saying piss off to all the heartache and boredom you've had here in town.  It takes guts to move in and move out when something doesn't work"

And it felt like the right thing to do again.

A Novel Idea

In honor of NaNoWriMo, I'm going to write out this month like a novel.

***

The gas light started flashing as soon as she turned the corner into her housing development.  With a sigh, she still drove the rest of the way home and convinced her husband to come with her and pump the gas since it was late at night.  She hated that she felt so unsafe in this town.  She had to bribe him with jalapeno bites from the late night Jack in the Box to get him to come.

Still playing the waiting game, she felt nothing but anxiety about the house and her entire future.  She went to bed a little earlier than usual due to Daylight Savings Time, and hoped for a more purposeful tomorrow.

Happy Halloween!

It was a much better day today.  The buyers agreed to the terms of us fixing a couple of things on the house and not giving them any money, and we picked up hubby's car.

I didn't get much done today, as we went to Target to pick up some girl stuff for me, then we went home and hubby took a nap until we picked up his car.  Then it was pretty much time for the trick or treaters to come, so we settled in and watched all the Halloween episodes of Buffy on Netflix.  Then we watched Catching Fire to prepare for next month when Mockingjay Part 1 comes out.  It really made me think of the book, and I think I need to reread the series before the movie.

I decided unofficially to do the drinking game where you do a shot every time you get an Elsa trick or treater, but I saw exactly zero Frozen characters all night.  I'm so not ready to go back to work tomorrow, but I hope I can get up in time to get a little grocery shopping done before work.

Car Troubles

I woke up with a raging headache and didn't want to go anywhere.  It didn't go away, but only got worse when Hubby took his car in to find out that the radiator was cracked, there was a busted strut, and the tires and shocks needed replacing.   It came to $3,500...money we don't have because he's out of a job.  He was going to have trouble paying the mortgage that was less than half that.

To add insult to injury, the buyer for the house wants $5,000 for repairs.  There is nothing in the house to repair, everything the home inspection stated that the only things wrong were cosmetic. There was one crack in the wall to fix due to the house settling, and that was it.  The one crack was listed three times in the report because the man literally had nothing else to put in the report.

We said we wouldn't pay them any money, but fix most of the things on the list.  Hubby is going to get started on it tomorrow, but he is going to have to go back to my mom's soon and get a job to pay for this day until we can unload this house.

Thanks Dad

I woke up feeling refreshed, then fear struck my heart.  I never feel refreshed, so something must be wrong.  I looked at the clock and my alarm had not gone off.  I should have left the house a half hour before I woke up.  I swore, got up and scrambled out the door.  I called to say that I was going to be late, and I looked a hot mess.

Though it was 8:30, the roads were clear.  Though I had to walk 4 blocks to get to the classroom, I made it with a minute to spare.  My father was famous for this kind of thing.  He would always walk into an airport and magically make it just as they were about to shut the doors.  He'd sit down at the movie theater just as the movie was starting, in a seat magically in the right place.  I was never that lucky until today.

I think it was just my dad with me today, giving me his good luck.  Thanks Dad!

Stranger Danger

Day 2 of this class. I'm really starting to understand how this system works and feeling good about it. I walked back to work after class and a guy stopped me to ask about the hoodie I was wearing from my hometown.

He had taught at my university (or so he said l, he was carrying two large suitcases around downtown with no particular place to go) and he basically said how good my hometown was and how the current town we were in was soul sucking. He asked if I was starting there, and I told a complete stranger I was going home soon. 

Case of the Mondays

Boy it was an early day. The class, however, was fascinating. I  don't think it's exactly right for our company, but it's really interesting. 

I stayed after work for an hour to check in on different projects, then took rush hour traffic home. Hubby and I went to Chili's of all places for dinner. Outback was packed and we didn't have much choice. 

The inspector came by the house today and didn't find anything major. Now we are just waiting for the underwriter. 

It's only 10 PM, but I'm ready to go to sleep. 

Dreading the Early Morning

Laying down still feels nicer than standing or sitting up, but I don't feel like I'm losing any energy.  I guess this is really how it feels to be...normal.

The house inspector is coming to look at the house tomorrow, and they were putting up the earnest money today.  Things are happening fast and then slow, but either way I hope it doesn't blow up in our face and we end up having to put the house back on the market.

My friend G keeps saying to keep the faith and everything will eventually work out.  I called him naive and told him that we can't keep paying the mortgage with faith and hope.  I just like preparing for the worst and hoping for the best.  I'm a realist, and things don't magically happen for everyone.

I have to get up very early tomorrow for my three day training.  Being somewhere by 8:30 AM is something I haven't done for a long time.  I hope this spurt of energy holds out until my weekend.

Not....Paying For It Yet

I woke up feeling a little sore, but mostly period pain.  My back hurts from walking around with these big boobs all day, but I really don't feel 1/3 as bad as I thought I was going to.

I made it through work, although I did fall asleep for a minute on a love sac during my lunch instead of eating.  Maybe because I went ahead and did something for myself that I really needed to do, I feel a little piece of mind.  Yesterday was a perfect day that I'm never going to regret.  I got some amazing clothes, including some leggings from H&M that I totally wore as pants today, but with a really long shirt.  Hubby had to hem it for me, because I'm about a half a foot shorter than the normal population.  He had to take 5.5 inches off.

Getting back into work was a little stressful, as I had many stupid things to do.  I'll have more work with someone tomorrow, but after working all day and listening to the music festival going across the street, I decided to head home a half hour early.  Not because I'm tired, but because I want to beat the traffic.

Maybe I'll feel like crap tomorrow.  I guess we'll see!

Day Trip Made

Today was honestly an amazing day.  The longest good day I've had in a very long time.  We left at 6AM, and didn't get home until 2 AM.  I drove both ways, and we walked around the fashion district for hours, and around a good sized mall for 2 hours after that. 

I had energy the whole day, even though it was hot.  I stayed hydrated and had energy drinks, but I felt so good all day.  I kept in good spirits, it was like I had been granted one amazing day of energy.  I just know I'll be paying for it tomorrow, but I'm so glad I went and had a good time.  I bought so many clothes, including an Andy Warhol sweatshirt that will fast become my favorite piece of clothing.

My period started around mid-day, about a week early.  I've got to get to an OBGYN.

Mantra

I spent the whole day pseudo-resting because I know I have to drive eight hours tomorrow, With someone whom I've never road tripped with before and it's going to be stressful.

We are two very strong personalities and it's going to really be a battle. I keep saying to myself I'm going to have fun and I'm going to regret it if I don't make this trip, and I'm right.  But I also have to calm down and just have fun, and not to  overthink  everything  like I usually do.

Having hypothyroidism really hinders my energy level in such a way that I do have to mentally prepare myself for the exhaustion to come. I just had two shots of Jaeger and hopefully that's enough to get me to sleep.

Let me have fun tomorrow.

Working Too Hard

Yet another 1.5 hour meeting today, and another hour of scheduling meetings.  I'm just glad it is my Friday and I can focus on going to the Fashion District with a friendworker (co-friend?) on the real Friday. 

She was laughing at me because I was over-scheduling what would happen on our day trip.  It is just my last time I'll be able to do a quick four hour drive to that city, which has become one of my favorites. 

Of course I went home and forgot about more work stuff so I had to shoot off more work emails before going to bed.

We Have No Bananas Meetings Today

My day of rest from work.  No meetings today, but the anticipation of meetings is always looming in the distance.

New Offers, A Door Closes

Hubby's friend has continued to drink, so his wife has thrown him out of the house.  He's not taking calls from anyone, and hasn't shown up to work yet.

The offer we had on the house lapsed because they couldn't get their money in on time.  However, another order came in and it is a little better loan, so we still might be out earlier.  This process is taking a longer time than I thought it would.

Time Lords

I had to make some time to meet with our "Time Lords" to schedule out all these meetings for work.  I feel bad because I'm making all these meetings ahead of time because I'll be out next week...at a class learning how to lead some of the meetings.  I'm doing this for my resume, but I don't want to get up early next week.

Easy Like Saturday Morning

I'm really liking the fact that Saturday is my Monday.  Saturday is such an easy day at work, it's slow and there are not a lot of annoying people there.  I'm glad that I've got some slow days in with my hectic life right now.

Offer #1

3 sets of people came by to see the house today, and we got our first official offer of 185 against our 199.  We are going to counter with 195 and see where it goes.

I was at odds with my emotions for the rest of the day.  There are too many variables to worry about, but I attempted to worry about them all.  Hubby is going to stay for a few more days just in case this goes through and we have to move out soon.  I already sort of miss having the house to myself.

Early Bird Gets the Investor

A guy came by early to critique the house. Turns out his client is just looking for an investment. He said he'd write up a proposal today, but we never heard from him.

We went to see Gone Girl in the afternoon/evening. Great movie, and not how I expected it to go. 

I feel like I already have no time to myself anymore. 

Homecoming Part 2

The couple that came to see the house were nice, and Jewish I think. They arrived late but were nice. As soon they left we took a couple of minutes and then left to go shopping. They were still in the street talking about the house, which I'm taking as a good sign.

I noticed something odd about the people coming to see the house. They seem to resemble their Realtors. Maybe I'm naive, but do people really go out of their way to find a realtor that matches their own race? Now dozens of people have come, and only two had a realtor not of their own race. 

Is an odd question to ask but...do they?

Homecoming

Hubby got his friend to go to a rehab facility, and they placed him on a 72 hour hold. Since he couldn't do anything else there, he came home to me. He got home right before I came home from work, and we had to go to sleep right away since we were showing the house early.

Breakdown

The hubby got a call from his best fried today, and he's having a nervous breakdown. So he got in his car and drove 6 hours and stayed overnight. He is hoping to get him into a rehab facility tomorrow morning.

Double Time

I'm not sure, but I think it was a gay couple that came by to see the house this morning.  They were really nice, and said that the house was decorated really nicely.  Maybe they were just being polite, but they did stay in the driveway for awhile after leaving the house.  Hopefully they want to make an offer.

I reported back to the realtor, who said that she had someone else who wanted to come at 2:00.  That lady was looking into buying a third home for her family coming from Hawaii.  She was unimpressed with our small bedroom, saying her 25 year old wouldn't like it.  I told her she should tell him to get his own place and stop mooching.  She was a little cranky about that, so I don't think she'll be making an offer.

At work I finally got Wednesday off so I just need to hang on a couple more days.

A friend has been posting some videos from college that made me nostalgic, and I started talking to an old friend back home.  She said they might be hiring for a bank call center for $14 an hour with bonuses.  She is going to get me the information tomorrow.

I talked with Hubby after I got out of work, and he thinks he might be able to take care of all of our bills with a $14 an hour job.  We are going to make a list of what we pay and see if it is something that we will be able to do.

If I Stay is done, and so is Where She Went

I couldn't sleep last night, so I ended up finishing "If I Stay".  Then I made the mistake of starting the sequel, and I couldn't put it down until I made myself at 2 AM.  I had an appointment for someone to see the house at 10:00-11:00 AM, so I didn't end up getting much sleep.  I was ready at 10, sat down on my couch to wait, and finished off the whole book in an hour.  The sequel was so much better that the first book, although I suppose the first book was pretty good too.  Overall I'm just thrilled that I have time to read again.

The people never showed up, so I texted my realtor and they are actually due to come tomorrow.  There is nothing I want more than to sleep in at this point.

It was my new shift today, and it was a little hard to stay until midnight.  I still wasn't able to go to sleep until 2 AM.

Ack, My Bones!

The concert was a lot of fun, and it was so nice reconnecting with my friend.  I'll miss her so much when I'm gone, she's one of those people you always wish does well.  She's so unsure of herself and self conscious, when she's really just awesome.  She's one of those people that deserves all the happiness in the world.

My body did not keep up with my head last night, and my feet and lower back were hurting by the time that the opener was finished.  I was feeling it hardcore today, and it was one of the only times since I've given up painkillers that I really wanted one.  I rode it out though, and was actually feeling much better by the end of the day.  I'm certainly going to try and get my future children to go homeopathic rather than have them swallow a pill every time they get a skinned knee.

Even though I was in pain, it was so busy that I didn't notice too much and the day went by quickly.  A co-worker asked about Hubby, and I had to say that he was away indefinitely.  She thought we were getting a divorce.  I told her I'd explain it to her away from prying eyes and ears.  Sadly she left when I was at lunch so I didn't get to let her know.  I'll fill her in tomorrow.

Going to Bed Angry

Someone wanted to see the house at 9:30 this morning, so I was up early and didn't get much sleep because I knew I needed to get up early.  Psyching myself out for sleep is the cornerstone upon which my existence is based.

The couple came with their obnoxious realtor who turned on every light switch she could find.  The couple was nice and brought their adorable toddler.  They were in and out in 7 minutes, and they were the first couple that was on time.

I had yet another meeting to run today at work.  I was so tired, and yawned basically all night.  I did have another meeting where I went over my peer review, which actually went really really well.  I did better than I ever have, and it made me feel like maybe they would miss me when I was gone.  I told another coworker about my plan, and she was supportive but sad to see me go.

An awesome co-worker started a collaborative Spotify playlist for our section, so we had a lot of fun adding to the list.  I added Rave On by Buddy Holly, but didn't get to hear it played. Just like Johnny Rocket's jukebox, I guess it came on while I was in the bathroom.  The co-worker who started the playlist texted me as I got home to say that he had never heard of Buddy Holly before and enjoyed the song.  Maybe he was blowing smoke up my ass, but it was really cool of him to comment on it and say he liked it.

I was damn near falling asleep when I got off of work, luckily Hubby called me to keep me awake on my drive home.  Sadly the connection was bad, and the conversation came around to the mistake that he had made with the whole situation, as we are worried that the house isn't selling.  His battery started to die so we got off the phone.  I wasn't tired anymore, but angry.

So now I'm sitting here watching Project Runway because I'm too angry to sleep.

I Couldn't Help But Wonder

I woke up essentially single this morning.  It was cloudy, so my first instinct was to stay in bed.  I trusted my first instinct and looked up the singer that my friend and I are going to see tonight.  She'd put on Facebook that she wanted to go, and it was only $5.00.  The singer is an Irish Rockabilly type who recorded a song on the 2011 Buddy Holly tribute album.  Newly faux-single, I embraced going out to see my friend who shares a name with a Sex and the City character.

I fully embraced that this day was my own, and stayed in bed reading until 12:30.  Then I got out of my PJs, into an oversized t-shirt, and went downstairs for breakfast.  Fully embracing my Carrie Bradshaw, I didn't care about walking around barefoot in my house making breakfast without any hurry.  This must be how she felt, without thinking about it being special.

As I flipped on the channel to see SaTC playing, I couldn't help but wonder...do we just romanticize whatever we don't happen to have in our lives at that moment?

Antisocialism times Two

Hubby left early this morning, and left a big mess in his wake.  He took his desktop computer with him, and hasn't cleaned up behind it in forever, apparently.  I spent most of the morning cleaning his man cave, then showed the house at 4.  The people actually showed up only 15 minutes late, which was shocking to me.  Most people show up 20 minutes late or not at all.

I was a little worried that the neighbors across the way were going to block my driveway with their Uhaul all day, but they moved it in time for the people to arrive to see the house.  I'm not sure why they blocked my driveway instead of their own, but they don't look like the smartest people anyway.

Around 10 PM I took out the garbage and saw the neighbors in the middle of our cul-du-sac staring at the ring around the moon.  When they saw my garage door go up they ran into their house like I was coming at them with a gun.  By the time I had it to the curb they were back in their house with the garage door down.  Howdy to you too, neighbors.  God forbid you actually have to speak to a stranger.  There is nothing like people running from you to make you feel like you don't have a single friend in this town.

This is why I'm leaving.

Pizza Doesn't Keep You Warm at Night

I tried my hardest to get off of work early, but it just wasn't in the cards.  Hubby had been so nice the past couple of days, and even popped a pizza into the oven when I left work.  He had stressed himself out all day packing the car, and didn't seem comfortable with leaving.

I tried to reassure him that this was the right thing to do, hanging around town wasn't doing anything for us financially.  However, it's going to be lonely.

Almost Alone

I'm starting to get lonely already as Hubby's leave day approaches. I'm not sure when/if he's coming back, so the endless span of time is stretching out before me.

Being an introvert, this time both excites and terrifies me. Of course If we could just sell the house sooner that would be better. 

Get Gone

I woke up today feeling like I had been hit by a truck. I don't know if this is female related, getting old related, or flu shot related. All I know is that Hubby is still hanging around the house without a job, mom is giving me guilt about that, and all I can do is just go to work and come home.

I've been trying to adjust my attitude and driving in anticipation for the move lately. It's resulted in dirty looks and me being cut off in traffic 5 times in the span of a minute. It's been 10 years here ignoring people on the street and in traffic. I hadn't realized how much I had changed who I am in order to protect myself. 

Meeting Fatigue

Don't they say that going to too many meetings is not a good thing? I feel like that is completely gone out the window.

I met with some Co workers for breakfast in the morning, then we had another company wide meeting today that lasted four hours. Right before breakfast I started my vodka party yet again. Something has to be going on, and I guess it's time to take this back to an OBGYN. 

 It was held in the theater with painfully uncomfortable chairs. So uncomfortable by the end of the four hours I felt like I was about 85 years old. After getting home Hubby wanted to go out to eat. In the end it was out the door around 9 AM and didn't get home until 9 PM. It was an exhausting day.

I just hope tomorrow both causes of the pain goes away. 

Shot Through The Heart

No one warned me how much pain I would be in after that shot. I don't know if she managed to get me right in the muscle or they are all this bad. Just like clockwork everyone is touching me on the arm or giving me a punch in the arm. Not a hard one but it doesn't have to be that hard to cause me pain.

The Internet said that heat is good so I've been using my heating pad for most of the day and night. 

The Internet also says that some people are in pain for weeks afterwards. I really hope I'm not one of those people. 

Adult Day

I did a lot of adult crap today.  I got the house ready for new people to see it around 2:00 PM.  They were really nice, and hopefully they really liked the house.  Then I left quickly before the 5:00 PM appointment to get my oil changed and picked up my prescriptions.  When I walked into Sam's Club they handed me a flyer that said they were doing flu shots until 5:00 PM that day, and no other day.  So I decided that I should follow Dr. Hitler's advise and get a flu shot.  I really can't be sick like I was at the beginning of the year again, I just can't seem to bounce back quickly enough.

I hurried home and about 20 minutes before they were supposed to show up they canceled.  Figures.  At least I got all my adult crap out of the way.  It's funny, when I was a kid I thought about how cool it would be to be in charge of my life like this.  I went to get an oil change because it needed to be done, talked to the mechanic about what needed to be replaced for next time.  I got a flu shot despite the fact that I'm still not fond of needles.  I did it because it was the adult thing to do.  Of course, I also felt like I really deserved a milk shake afterwards for doing it and not being a big whiner.

But I didn't get one, because I'm an adult.  Being an adult is not as much fun as it was in my head when I was a kid.

The Maze Runner

Since dropping the price we had a person come visit today to see the house.  The actual buyer is out of the country so they were skyping with her, and I think they were speaking Korean.  It was a little awkward, but they were very nice.  I'm not sure they were really interested in the house.

Hubby wanted to get out of the house since we'd been waiting for them to show up for most of the day.  We went to see The Maze Runner, and I have to say I'm about done with Dystopian crap.  It's all a trap within a trap within a trap and I'm really just about finished.

Indiana Jones and the Boulder

Work is not really getting any better, and they just keep rolling out new programs that it is almost too much to keep up with.  It really feels like I'm Indie, trying to get out of the way of the boulder before it crushes me.  I've got to find another job and leave this one behind soon.

Blog Cleaning Day

I brought my laptop to work today to clean up this blog a little.  Posting to the app only works sometimes, and it doesn't let me post date if I happen to post it after midnight.  I am still blogging everyday, it's just not making it onto the blog.

The realtor texted us today to ask about dropping the price of the house to $199 so people looking at the 200 and under will see it.  We agreed, and I've never just talked about thousands of dollars lost like that before.  It feels weird, because the money wasn't mine to begin with, but it feels like it.  I feel like I'm losing money, especially since Hubby already decided he was going to use the money we make from the sale to wipe his debt.  I hate that idea since it's my money too, but he has been paying the mortgage for 4 years so I guess he's entitled to a little more.  Of course, I've been paying everything else but I guess keeping the lights and AC going doesn't count for much in the end.

Bitch Session

I brought some of Hubby's chilli to work today for lunch.  It didn't exactly reheat well, which was a bummer.  I ended up staying late an hour to talk to a co-worker about what was going on with me and with her.  Her son wants to come stay with her for awhile, but he just got himself kicked out of the military and doesn't want to look for a job, and she doesn't make enough to support him.  She is pretty stressed out, and I really feel for her.

She is appalled that I clean up so much after Hubby, which everyone seems to be when I tell them what I do.  She has Hashi's so she knows that my energy level isn't exactly hitting the normal range.  I told her that it ran me more ragged emotionally to continue to nag him about it rather than just clean it up myself.  It does make me wonder sometimes though, if people can ever be capable of real change with things such as that.  I don't think he really realizes how much it bothers me on a day to day level, but even if he did I don't think that it could change.

Clean Cup, Move Down

Even though we are not changing shifts at work for a week, they decided to tell us to pack up to move desks soon.  We They decided to do a random number pull for seating this time, and I ended up with the two older ladies that are actually pretty similar to me, so I dubbed out spot Sassmasters Circle and decided to hope for the best if they have us move soon.  I still hold out hope that I won't be here by the time the next shift starts.

Stop the Ride, I Want to Get Off

My Monday was Garfield sized today.  I started out with the whole first half of my work day at meetings, which is just too much people to deal with alongside the fact that I have to help run the meetings.  The last meeting was a focus group about the first meeting.  I wish I could explain about what my job is currently doing, but it is so convoluted I'm exhausted just thinking about it.  I imagine it is what getting caught in the undercurrent feels like when you are in an Ocean.  I feel like I'm on a theme park ride that is making me nauseated, only I don't get motion sickness.  As lame as it sounds, I guess it's just the motion of my life that is making me sick.

I came home so drained, and Hubby wanted to know what was wrong.  I vented a little, and then we got caught up in what I call venting and what he calls problem solving.  I just want to be told I'm right in feeling the way I do and I'm awesome, but instead he is trying to solve problems.  Sometimes even the best couples get into a little Venus/Mars problems.  After he fully aggravated me I saw what he was doing and just told him "I'm having a women problem honey.  I need you to treat this like a women problem and not a man problem."  He understood, and made me feel a little better.

By the end of the night I still wanted to just cry myself to sleep.

Lazy Lunching Day

 Another day without anyone coming to see the house.  I'm trying not to panic.

We had lunch at TGIFridays with G before he had to go to work at the movie theater.  Everything important in his life is basically down to decorating the theatre for Halloween.  He decided to make it Ghostbuster themed and is having a lot of trouble with Slimer.  I wasn't really interested, but I listened.  I had a small steak because I had been eating like crap the last few days.  Hubby had a salad, and said he was full.  I doubted it.

A couple of hours later we were both hungry and decided to get a small McSushi from Sam's Club.  I had to pick up a prescription, so we were going there anyway.  Out of all the McSushi out there, I would really say that is the best.

We drove home getting into a fight about Christmas again.  Fight is a strong word, more like a heated discussion.  I hate that it is getting earlier and earlier every year, as I had to walk by the Christmas trees to get to the pharmacy at Sam's.  It is Hubby's favorite holiday, and I feel bad getting down on it, but I hate the commercialism.  When I was a kid it was nice to have a month of looking forward to something.  Now I hate it before the month even arrives.  I also hate that it's not about goodwill towards men anymore, but just about getting presents for everyone that you don't even like that much.  It's aggressive and people suck.

Hubby doesn't agree, but he also isn't a borderline empath that feels other people's emotions like I am.  We have this fight every year, and every year I still hate what Christmas has become.  I doesn't really help that I'm Jewish either I guess.

Bad Eating Habits

We had sushi, macarons, and frozen custard today. Hubby was still hungry by the end of the day, so he got food and I stayed put.

Now I'm up late again trying to sleep. Please allow me to sleep now, fates. 

I'm a Pusher...I Push People

For home and found nothing had changed in regards to packing. Hubby went to a PPV at a friend's house, all day it had seemed.

I shouldn't be surprised, as I had been talking just tonight about how I have to push him to do everything a million times before it sticks.  The coworker I was talking to said that it must be exhausting to have to push all the time. 

She has no idea. 

Rain Rain Go Away

Today was hubby's last day of the show. He still has to do a week of clerical work before he's officially off the job. I think he's really going to miss it, and I don't blame him. They really appreciated him, and gave him many things. They made sure he knew how much they were going to miss him.

I know that I'm not going to get a send off like that at my job and it really pisses me off. I hate that I'm never going to really be fully appreciated for what I do at that job, but I guess that's life.

A thunderstorm started just as I was leaving work, and it was beautiful driving home.  Of course to the nature of the city it was flooding by the time I got home. I'm just glad I got home in time to not have to drive in the worst part of it.

Hubby went out with some coworkers so I hope that he drives safe and gets home. In the meantime I'm going to bed.

Here's Your Sign

I came home from work tonight find the sign for sale in our front yard. It was supposed to be over the fence and I am immediately got upset that they dug a hole in our yard.

I was a little bit more upset than I should be and I couldn't quite figure out why. I think it's just because the sign makes it real. It might also be that hubby got a call and he didn't get the job. Of course he put all of his eggs in that basket, so we're not sure what to do. He'll probably move back home in a week to try and find another job, a temporary Christmas one maybe.

I love this house and I don't know that I'll ever have another one as nice.

My emotions are all over the place.

For Real This Time

I woke up a little early to check out the $198 house to see what we could find out.  We found out it was a mess and hardly worth looking into.  We decided to list tomorrow at $205 and see what happens.  Hubby said he was going to come home early to finish up the parts that still looked pretty bad.

I lost track of the time and ended up accidentally leaving for work an hour early.  Once I got there I hung out in the coffee shop for a little bit, then went to a fair they were having to pick up some free stuff.  I only got a headband, and a promise to be entered to win something at the end.

I only made it through half my shift before my horrendous period cramps forced me to go home.  I slept for a little while, then made some banana bread.  Hubby came home but didn't clean up anything.  I hope he can make it work later and be ready for people to come tomorrow.

Rager at the Vodka Party

I was basically mad all day because I was on my period. It isn't supposed to be like this. 15 days is not enough to get over the last time.

Hubby's work gave him a surprise going away party last night, and gave him a bag made from the costume material, and a poster signed by everyone, in a frame they made at the theatre especially for him. 

I'll be lucky if they get me all my vacation hours. 

Doubt, Fear, and Vodka

I was supposed to sweep and mop today while hubby was away at work, and I just couldn't do anything. The fatigue was so bad that I couldn't even get downstairs to eat until three in the afternoon. 

We got an email from the realtor that another house with the same sqft as ours went on sale for 198 compared to our 215.  She thinks we might have to drop our price. After only one damn day on the market. 

As I was leaving to go to Hubby's show for the last time, I went to the bathroom to find I had started my period early. Way early. I guess that happens with stress, but it's never happened to me before. 

I started to see the last ten years flash before my eyes. Naturally, panic set in and all the way home I wondered if I was doing the right thing. 

All I want is for someone to look into the future and tell me this is the right thing to do. 

Just Kidding, now.

I didn't get a nap today, but we hauled ass on the house and will officially list it tomorrow. G came over with his dog late and we talked for a little. He brought me the book he lent me so I could close up that last box of books. I had bought something on my Amazon Prime account, and in return his girlfriend (who works at Victoria's Secret) got me some bras on her discount.

By the end of the day I was sleep deprived and taking it out on hubby, but to be fair his temper was also very short. 

I just want to get this house on the market and rest. This feels like the kind of fatigue I'd get when my medication was off for my hypothyroidism. Which could still be the problem. 

So close to listing

We hauled ass on the house today. I had to take a nap around 4:00 because I'd worn myself out. 

We are really close though, and I think we can start listing tomorrow. At least I hope so. We've got to get this thing started. 

Clever

My high point today was when we were discussing how that girl could've been fired. I said "Are we taking bets on how she got fired?" I asked a co-worker and he said "I don't gossip."

I said to him without missing a beat; "it's not gossip, it's speculating on past events for cash,"

Don't Wake Me

I forgot that I turned off my alarm and woke up an hour later than I usually do.  I basically had time for a quick breakfast and shower and I had to leave.

Someone at work left a few days ago to go take care of her family, so I sat in her desk for the first part of my shift today.  She had a "big and tall" chair, and boy was it comfy.  Good on my back too.  I think I might need to make a switch tomorrow. 

I got into the second season of Masters of Sex today.  I like how they are focusing more on character development this season rather than the whole "Look, boobs!" thing they did in the first season.  Although I really miss Alison Janey.  She's one of my favorite actresses, and after the Robin Williams suicide, Barton's attempt really hit me in the feels today.  I hope they come back soon.

Random though for the day about sex, seeing as how Master of Sex is filling up my whole day.  It's interesting how getting to orgasm is the same sort of feeling as when I took gymnastics.  Whenever I was trying to master a new move as a kid, I found that practice would only take me so far.  Sometimes I had to just close my eyes, let go, and believe I could do it.  Every time I could get to that Zen place, I would always nail the move.  If you can't let go, you can't...let go.

Sleep, I Miss You

Hubby didn't get home until around 5 AM, and try as I might I couldn't fall asleep without him.  I was worried about the reason why he was coming home early, and worried about my poor car parked out on the street.  I think I was so tired that I couldn't sleep.

When he finally got home I helped him hop the fence which ended up being more trouble than it was worth.  It turns out that he came home because there was something going on at work that he needed to be back for.  He had a hard time at the house, and I asked him if we needed to rent a friend's house when we went down there, if we couldn't move into mom's house.  He said no, she'd been really receptive and it should be okay.  I didn't have high hopes, because she really goes back and forth in her decisions.

We woke up around 10 and got our cars from the street and brought them back into the garage.  I ended up going to work on about 4-5 hours of sleep.  I was still so hopped up waiting for him to get home that I had a couple of shots of tequila and snoozed on the couch until 7AM.

The lights still weren't on today, so I hopped around to other people's desks.  Who knows if I will ever actually sit at my own desk ever again.  My coworkers are getting a little miffed that I don't sit with them anymore, but if I had a migraine they wouldn't want me to sit with them.