Sunday, November 30, 2014

Sales Suck

I edited some pictures to order and pick up, there was a cyber monday sale.  They won't let me pick up at the store.  So I'm mad.  That's all that happened today really.

Saturday, November 29, 2014

Booze Blog

My friend R has been telling me that I need a niche blog to start once I move.  He has a good point that a niche blog has a build in audience, but he kept thinking food whereas I'm not as into food as he and the hubby are.

Today my sister said that once I'm moved back we need to go to a speakeasy that she had found in town.  I looked into their site and it was pretty cool, with amazing sounding drinks.  Then it hit me; my blog could be finding the state's "Official Drink."  We have an unofficial one that not many people know about, but it could be fun.  I could get into the history of the state and travel around.  It might even pay a little more if I got advertisers.

I did find a drink recipe based site located in my town, but I think that mine would be different enough that it would be fine.  I might even email them and ask them about their opinions and make get them to write something about my blog.  I could cite spending 10 years in the boozy lower half of the state being experience for knowing what a good drink tastes like.  I think it could be a lot of fun.  I just really need a name.

Friday, November 28, 2014

Shut In-Black Friday

Because it was Black Friday, we didn't leave the house today.  I didn't get a lot of sleep, but we ended up being so lazy that our dinner was essential our breakfast. 

Hubby's friend who was in rehab finally called him, and he sounds much better.  However, he wanted to stay on the phone while I drove to his father's house hours away.  He is still upstairs on the phone with him while I'm downstairs watching TrueTori.  I don't get why I'm so obsessed with her life, but I am.  I honestly feel for both of them at once.  Sometimes Dean is totally right, and Tori being crazy, and sometimes it's vice versa. 

It really makes me wonder how I'm going to be as a mom, I'm worried that I'll give too much like she does.  I'm also worried that I will be the opposite, and I'll resent my children for taking up all my time.  My mom was overprotective and my dad just gave up on trying to raise us as well, and I'm afraid to end up like my parents.  Does everyone end up like my parents?

Thursday, November 27, 2014


It was a real introvert Thanksgiving. We didn't leave the house, had an amazing dinner, watched White Christmas and headed to bed early. 

It was our first Thanksgiving together actually on the day since we've been married. In 10 years. Sad but true. Hopefully this is the first of the rest of our lives. 

Wednesday, November 26, 2014

The Actual Final Countdown

They didn't escort me out of work today, but maybe that is because it's the holiday.  I'll be a little worried about it again on Monday.  For now, this is my weekend and I'm going to try my best to enjoy the holiday...and not be constantly worried about why I've done this crazy, crazy thing.

The final countdown has started.  My last day will be the 8th, my sister is coming in on the 10th, and we are packing everything up on the 11th and leaving on the 12th.

Only time will tell if this was the dumbest mistake of my life.

Tuesday, November 25, 2014

Two Weeks Notice

16 days after I wanted to send it, I finally got to send the most anticipated email of the last three years.  I got to finally put in my two weeks notice.  The underwriting didn't come back but it should tomorrow, and they said that it looked fine and shouldn't be a problem at all.

Later in the night I sent out an email to everyone that I felt close to and said goodbye.  I still have a feeling that they will not let me work my last two weeks, so I sent that out ASAP and hopefully they'll know that I really appreciated their friendship.

I watched up to the Captain America/Hydra episode of AOS today.  Pretty awesome stuff, I'm really sad that I wasn't watching it live.  Hopefully next season is good too.

This is two weeks I won't be living or working here anymore.  It's weird to feel relief and dread all at the same time.

Monday, November 24, 2014

The Big Bad

I woke up early and picked up a co-worker and three of us went to breakfast together before our meeting.  We walked around downtown for an hour or so until we had to leave for the meeting.  It was a really nice time.  The meeting wasn't.  The meeting was a lot of dumb stuff.  We left early, disgruntled with the entire situation.  I went home and had Chipotle with the hubby, then I had to come back to work from 7PM-Midnight.  It was crazy busy, and ever since I got to that meeting I felt like a heavy weight has been on my chest. 

They didn't get back to us on the underwriting for the house.  They are out of contract, so our realtor is going to email them tomorrow and tell them that we are going to back out if it isn't done, costing everyone else money.  Hopefully that kicks them in the ass.

I was catching up on Agents of Shield and Coulson quoted Dollhouse, and I got unbelievably happy.  I think I'm the only one who liked Dollhouse, but I stand by it.

Sunday, November 23, 2014

The Gum You Like is Going to Come Back Into Style

I got the sleep I needed last night, which was fantastic.  I feel better than I have in weeks today.  Of course, last night Hubby "felt sick" and didn't do anything, so I guess we are back in our old habits.  I did the laundry he didn't do yesterday this morning.

I watched a little more of Twin Peaks today at work.  I really just don't get how this show was so popular.  It's quirky I guess, but I just don't see the draw.  It is like a weird melodrama with soap opera tendencies, and one enthusiastic Kyle MacLachlan.  He is pretty funny actually.  Hopefully he's in the new one they plan on doing.  Maybe I'll like that a little more.  I'm still going to watch this one through to the end and see if it sticks.

Saturday, November 22, 2014


I woke up around 5AM with massive stomach pain.  I had already had a drink with the guys last night and so I really didn't want to also have a pain pill, but it was so bad (or I was just so tired) that I started crying and just took a pill.  It didn't end up really kicking in until an hour later, but at least I got back to sleep.  It's starting to hurt a little again, so I think I'm just not going to bed without one.  I really need my full 8 hours of sleep, and to fall asleep before the husband so I can get into REM before he starts his snore-a-thon.

Hubby took me to work today so he could borrow the car for holiday food shopping.  Apparently we are going to be all alone for the first time in our 10 year marriage on Thanksgiving day.  Hubby wants a real introvert Thanksgiving, as he turned down an invite from G last night to attend his dinner.  This holiday is the only time I want to be an extrovert, so I was a little sad about that. 

Hopefully next year will be filled with family and we won't have to ever have one alone again.  I feel so displaced from this house sale, like we don't live there anymore and it's just a place we are staying.  I just want to get on with my life.  Hopefully they will finish everything up on Monday and I can put in my 2 weeks.  I've wanted to put in my two weeks for so long that every time I type "2" or "tw" my phone auto-fills in 2 weeks.  Even my phone is sick of this waiting shit.

Friday, November 21, 2014

Location Scouting

I picked up the Husband from the airport and we went out to sushi, since I was still in Vodka party mode and just needed my stomach to be filled so it couldn't cramp so bad I wanted to die.  I wanted to just crawl into bed afterwards, and did...until G texted me and wanted to leave early to location scout for photos for his wedding.  We were out for an hour longer than I thought it was going to take, and I was dying.  That was around the time his fiancee called and asked what we were doing, as if she didn't remember.  Then she got upset and said "What if I wanted to take pictures somewhere else?"  "Where?"  He asked her.  She didn't have any ideas, but was mad we were out scouting.

Bridezilla alert.  So he was mopey and angry with her, for good reason.  We ended up going to a coffee shop and talking about all the documentaries I watched the other day.  As it turned out, his fiancee got taken out for a bachorlette party, so he was even more mopey.  So I took him to my favorite sex store and told him things to get for his honeymoon. 

Then we picked up tacos for the hubby and took them home, and then he stayed at my house and moped again until after midnight.  All I wanted was to spend the day in bed with my husband...sigh.

Thursday, November 20, 2014

A 3 Hour Tour

I spent three hours at big O tires today. There were these adorable little girls in the waiting room with me, watching Frozen on their mother's phone.  I was sad to see him go when the next people to wait with me were a bunch of idiots. They kept talking back to the TV and answering all of the questions wrong. 

I went home and made banana bread, and got some flowers for Hubby anyway tomorrow.   It's only 10 PM but I just want to go to bed. 

Wednesday, November 19, 2014

Son of a Vodka Party!

I had an awesome idea to meet Hubby at the airport on Friday in something sexy, because honestly jumping him is the first thing I want to do.  Then my vodka party came to ruin the whole thing.  Since the jig was up I told him so he wouldn't be disappointed on Friday.  My secondary plan was going to be bringing him these floppy yellow flowers that he brings me when he has to pick me up from the airport.  Then he texted "sex is better than those floppy yellow flowers."

I texted back "Well there goes plan B"

Tuesday, November 18, 2014


The appraiser was a nice guy, kind of this interesting, ruggedly handsome while still being aloof kind of guy.  He was in and out within a half hour, and said he'd be "sorry to lose" us, like he spoke for the whole city.  He actually went to the University in my hometown, and said he thought it was a nice little town.  He was an interesting character.

Around 7:30 PM fatigue hit me really hard.  The lack of sleep since Hubby left caught up with me finally, and all I wanted to do was just go home.  Maybe the doctor was right and I have a UTI, but I guess if they don't call me then I don't have it.    I feel like my heart is pounding into my throat and all I want to do is lay down.  Which is what I want to do all the time.

I hope I can get enough sleep tonight to wake up refreshed tomorrow and start packing away all the non-essentials. I also need to start moving boxes into the garage.  I haven't done anything of value since Hubby left, and I feel terrible about it.

The past couple of days I've been watching nothing but documentaries on HBOGo and Netflix.  I've watched Showgirls: Glitz and Angst, About Face: Supermodels Then and Now, Americans in Bed, The Out List, Plastic Disasters, The (Dead Mothers) Club, and Marina Abramovic: The Artist is Present.  I've come to the conclusion that documentaries are mostly about needless nudity.  Or maybe it's just my choice of documentaries.

Monday, November 17, 2014

Good, Bad, Worse, Then Better

I forgot about my doctor's appointment today...until about 5 minutes before.  I called them and managed to get there only 15 minutes late.  Except for a high white blood cell count, everything looked super improved.  Even my liver levels were only a few points above normal status.  She asked if I had good luck with the liver specialist I went to see.  I told her that I didn't end up seeing one, no one would ever call me back.  She told me that whatever I did, it looked like I just healed myself.

I wondered if cutting out all painkillers and non-essential medicine was really all that it was, but I think that it was mostly stress.  I guess I'm less stressed now than I was in May?  It was the last time I spent a good amount of time in my hometown, so I should have been well rested.  I guess I just need to be not stressed, but that is so easier said than done.  The rest of the day really went downhill.

Work is getting more and more petty and stupid, and I texted R again like an idiot.  After the annoying conversation I actually changed her name in my phone to say stop texting her.  By the end of the day I was so done with work that I went out for a drink with G and talked about his wedding on the 7th.  I should still be here, so he wants me to do his pictures.  The dirty martini felt really good, but I didn't want another one.  I got home around 2 AM and had to do laundry and get ready for the appraiser to come tomorrow at noon.

Sunday, November 16, 2014


Well taking my car in didn't work out, they only had 2 guys in the shop today so I told them I'd swing by on Thursday instead.  I did get my hair cut, and she turned my pixie into a nice clean Gatsby-esque bob, so I'm pretty happy about that.  Not ready to go back to work tomorrow, playing hooky was much more fun.

My friend R was so excited that I was seeing Interstellar today that he sent me an email to read after I watched the movie (we are in different time zones right now so he was going to be asleep by the time I got out.)  This was his email and my responses in italics:

1. Too many famous actors, took me out of the movie.
Yuh.  Was like the American Harry Potter.  Or white Roots.  Only one person of color in the movie?  Da Future!

2. Why didn't Secret NASA find Cooper sooner if he's the best bet to SAVE HUMANITY? Explore all options!

Nah, cause it was all a lie, remember?  He took him away from his kids for NOTHING!!!

3. Entire Casey Affleck story on Earth. Unneeded. Why so angry? Your family is dying! Then suddenly not angry after fire?
Agreed.  Could have had whole story without son.

4. Why is Murph still so pissed off even as an adult? She works there now. She knows why he had to go.
Maybe is like death.  She got stuck at the angry side of grief and didn't leave.  Like my mom.  (that got serious, I didn't mean it that seriously.  She's just a really good example.)

5. He wants nothing more than to see her again. Finally does, mini visit, ok see ya! Family doesn't even care that hey, this is our famous great great grandfather!
Yuh.  She kept talking after, so gonna choose to believe that it went on longer, just didn't show.

6. Library books, watch, cubes sequence. Wat. More science plz
You  peace.  understanding.  weed.  hippies.  whatevs.

7. Topher out of no where.
Yuh, Rando Topher.  He was on the set one day and was like "Hey, every other white person is in this movie, why wasn't I invited?"  "Okay Topher, you can be the boyfriend.  We feel bad your last movie was that horrible Spiderman sequel."

8. Matt Damon character one of smartest people alive. Makes dumb mistakes.

9. He has no interest in seeing what happened to his son when back home?
Nope.  Could've done the whole movie without him.  Proves it.  Also, he wants to go out and meet Brand?  He spent just under a year with her in "real time" and there was no indication of romance.  "She okay?  That's good." done.

10. We ALL know who is sending messages back in time. It's not a twist if we already know. Stop it M. Night.
LoLz, I didn't think about it.  Once it happened though, was like "of course."

11. He enters the black hole.. but exits at the worm hole entrance by Saturn?
Sure.  It's all connected.  It's a small world after all. LoLz j/k

12. Robots are pretty cool.
TARS is no WALL-E.  Never even really knew what it stood for.  I wish they had auto-tuned it a little, thought there was a rando person in the ship with them at points.  Wish you could up the humor level on humans sometimes. 

My thoughts:
The spinning dock scene was awesome.  Almost felt like I was spinning, was cool.  Overall I really liked the movie, but I was a little cranky with small things, like why?  They never fully explain what happened to turn everywhere on earth into Las Vegas?  Also, if you know dust storms happen 24/7, WHY WOULD YOU EVER OPEN YOUR WINDOW??? 
Wished that in front of the remade house was the truck that STILL HAD A FLAT TIRE!  You can't off-road a car that long on a flat crazy-pants! The science was way shaky, at a certain point I had to be like "You know what I'm just gonna go with it cause it's too much work to keep up with all the inaccuracies."
Overall I really liked it, it was way better than Gravity (and had more to do with gravity), and the acting was far better.  I'm still not 100% on why they had to spin out all that way though.

Saturday, November 15, 2014

Should've Stayed in Bed

I woke up still just super tired.  I put on a 45 minute timer and went back to sleep.  I choose not to call my mom on the way to work since she made me life hell yesterday.  The karma immediately caught up with me.  I went into work and helped a co-worker move some desks.  Then I was put to help out customers in two venues that was not what I usually do for an hour.  I had horrible customers the whole time, and then got set up with a terrible situation when I was put back to my usual job.

Then I got to a work email that said there was a marathon outside of the office the next day, so my parking garage was going to be closed.  I took that as a sign that I needed to just not go to work tomorrow.   On the way home the wind picked up so badly that my throat started to close up.

I'm going to take my car into the auto shop tomorrow and see why the the VDC, Slip and ABS lights keep coming on, and then maybe go get a haircut.  I need something to make me feel more like myself.  I'm going to see Interstellar at night, and hope that it's not 3 hours of boring movie.

Friday, November 14, 2014

Big Martyr 6

Hubby called me to say that the realtor called him.  She spoke with the buyer's realtor, and apparently he's got his head up his ass.  I'm not sure if he is just new to the whole real estate game, or just an ignoramus who had never been challenged before.  He tried to pull a fast one and said that he had plenty of time to complete his end of the process, and if we didn't like it he would walk with the earnest money.  Our realtor let him know that if he walked from the deal now, we get the earnest money as part of the paperwork that he signed stating that he would have his end of the process done by last Sunday, which he hadn't.  Our realtor thinks that she straightened him out, so hopefully by the 17th I can put in my notice.

Five minutes after I got off the phone with hubby my mother called me.  I'll never know what she called me about, because I told her about the realtor part and that Hubby had moved his flight to exactly a week from today.  She got mad because she had canceled her massage on Sunday to drive him to the airport.  I asked her if she had even asked him if he needed a ride, because he could have gotten it from anyone, or even left early, and there was no need to cancel her plans.  She stated that he had no other way of getting there but her.  When she answers like this, it just means that she didn't talk to him in the first place, just canceled her plans.  She's got a martyr complex that is going to cause us to just get an apartment.  I told hubby to call mom because she was really pissing me off.

Before he could call she sent him a passive aggressive text message: "Wish you had let me know before.  I cancelled my plans for Sunday morning to take you to the airport and made plans for Sunday Afternoon."  Hubby texted her back: "If you had let me know you had made plans I might have.  Besides, it was not necessary for you to cancel those plans in the first place.  I certainly appreciate the fact that you want to help, but I can make other arrangements if you have other things to do.  You don't need to put your life on hold for me.  One of the reasons I wanted to move back was to help you."

Drama drama drama.  I didn't want any of it.  I went downstairs to have breakfast and did some laundry, then later on went to the moves with my friend M, who I'm glad to be hanging out with more.  She's doing a boot camp that got her to lose ten pounds already, so she's doing well.  She says she's not ready to date yet, and I totally understand.  When she is ready, she deserves to have someone special.

G got us the tickets and we thanked him on the way out.  He got me an "Annie" poster and M a" Dumb and Dumber To" poster.  I have no idea what I'm going to do with the poster, but I am excited for the movie.  Big Hero 6 was cute, but there were a lot of plot holes that I had a problem with.  I also feel like all Marvel can do this year is give us adorable characters that (spoiler alert) have a limited vocab and die needlessly.

All I wanted this weekend was some time by myself.  I got granted a week without the hubby, but these past two days had enough contact that sometimes I just want to shut off my phone.  Maybe I can accidentally leave it on airplane mode next weekend.

Thursday, November 13, 2014


As I was driving home last night Hubby called me.  Again.  I hate talking on the phone, and I had a crap day.  I answered the phone on my bluetooth and asked if anything was wrong.  Nope, he just wanted to talk. 

I called, and I was rude.  I told him that he had just left, and I really didn't want to talk on the phone.  I talked to him that morning.  And the afternoon.  I talked to him more than I ate that day.  I was done.

I apologized to him this morning, but I still feel like I need an alone day.  Thankfully I got it (for the most part) today.  I still had a million text messages to answer, but it wasn't that bad.  I'm going to the movies with a friend tomorrow, but that is for the evening.  Until then I plan on just cleaning up the house and not leaving.  I did plenty of shopping today to feel like I got out and saw the world.  I made a whole meal by myself for myself while listening to a podcast about depression.  It actually explained a lot of what I've gone through in my life, as well as just yesterday.  I wasn't a big fan of the podcast in general (the first half hour is pretty much all commercials), but they way they spoke about mental illness was very accurate.  It made me feel a little less alone.

Wednesday, November 12, 2014

Grow UP!

Our realtor sent an email to the new lenders asking them to basically get a move on as the deadline has already passed.  I'm slowly dying with each freaking day that passes this week.

Hubby texted me like 18 times on the way to work.  Maybe not that many, but enough to get me aggravated because he knew I was driving to work and on the phone with my mother.  When I tried to call him back my mother called me again, and I got super stressed out before I even walked into work.  My first day of alone time didn't afford me any actual down/alone time.

I did manage to journal a little this morning which did make me feel better at the time, until I read a little of it.  My current journal has lasted a long time, I started it in 2000.  It spans my whole relationship and marriage.  It was all the same kind of struggles that I have today, and it worried me a little.  Had I not evolved at all?

Then I realized that my journal was just the place where I went to when I was feeling low, or depressed, or angry.  It was just the same things that pissed me off, made me sad or depressed.  It still worried me.  Had I not evolved?

It still worries me hours later.  I certainly had grown up, I'm very much not the person I was in 2000.  I'm not even remotely as boy crazy, but I guess that comes with marriage.  My sex drive is far higher for sure, and I'm not complaining about that.

Tuesday, November 11, 2014

Sink Back Into the Ocean

In honor of NaNoWriMo, I'm going to write out this month like a novel.


Hubby left around noon, only she didn't really want him to leave this time.  He got a speeding ticket in the middle of nowhere, so that was another $115 that she didn't have in the hole.  She understood that it was just bad timing (he was going 35 in a 25), but she was still so angry with him.  She tried to keep it to herself and tracked his road trip through the iPhone location details.

When he texted that he got home safe, a wave of loneliness swept over here, along with a little relief.  It wasn't that she didn't love him, but being alone was so refreshing.  She thought of all the things she was going to be able to get done.  She wanted to move all the existing boxes to the garage now that his car was out.  She so needed something to feel real about this move.  She hadn't heard back from her friend at the cell phone company, and it was starting to make her nervous.  She really needed that job, now more than ever.

At work she decided to catch up on "The Affair" since she had only seen the first episode.  It had a title sequence with a Fiona Apple song now, and it felt appropriate.  She felt bad for Pacey getting cheated on.

Much like Gotham, she was having a hard time with this show in regards to motive.  She didn't see why these two were attracted to each other (let alone why their stories didn't match), or why Jim Gordon stayed in Gotham for no reason other than his family is from there.  If her family was from Gotham she wouldn't want to go back for them or any other reason.


I'm sucking at this 3rd person BS.  It was a tough 11 days, but I'm going to stop tomorrow.

Monday, November 10, 2014

Waiting for Godot

In honor of NaNoWriMo, I'm going to write out this month like a novel.


Hubby had managed to give himself a cold sore. A few days ago he had an unfortunate experience with a razor in an intimate area, so he wasn't having a great week.  She felt bad letting him leave on an 8 hour road trip tomorrow feeling terrible.

Their realtor said that she wasn't comfortable with her putting in her two weeks until the underwriter had come back.  They didn't answer her messages today, but hopefully they would call back tomorrow.

The two weeks notice was sitting in her draft folder, waiting to be sent.  Her fingers itched to send it anyway, but she decided to wait.  Soon it would be way too late for Thanksgiving in her hometown.  She feared she was getting fixated and not paying attention at work.

This waiting thing was killing her.

Sunday, November 09, 2014

Hold Tight A Little Longer...

In honor of NaNoWriMo, I'm going to write out this month like a novel.


She had been a fun good friend until recently.  Then the texting became...argumentative.  R also had an autoimmune disease, so she made many excuses for the sudden turn in their friendship.  She'd be gone soon anyway and it wouldn't matter anymore. 

Before she even had a chance to write it, the realtor called and said to hold off on her 2 week notice until tomorrow.  She was a little sad, because that would mean that she would have to go to a meeting that she really didn't want to go to.  She sighed, resigned to the fact that she'd have to sit through another boring meeting.  At least she wouldn't be dealing with her day to day tasks on her last days.

Hubby had decided to go back up to her mother's house to drop off his car tomorrow and fly back at the end of the week.  Of course, this last minute plan didn't end up working out perfectly, as the flights were just as expensive as it was to rent a car and drive back.  He said he would decide tomorrow what the best course of action would be.  It was all too much for her to deal with right now.

Time to start her rough draft of her 2 weeks notice.

Saturday, November 08, 2014

If This Is It, Please Tell Me So

In honor of NaNoWriMo, I'm going to write out this month like a novel.


Today was the last day the buyers could back out without penalty, so the whole day was met with trepidation. Her thoughts all day consisted of the two week notice she would write and send out the next day.  She thought about what would happen after she sent it out.  Would they just show her the door and say forget about the last two weeks?  That would be money that she wouldn't have anymore.  Would she come into work on Monday and her badge would not scan?

Or would they allow her to work her two weeks without question?  What if the buyers backed out anyway and she was left without a job?  She thought of Thursday and meeting up with a college friend who had said he could possibly get her a job at a highly regarded cell phone company.  She had sent off her resume to him today and hadn't heard back yet, but he was just getting back to Alaska after a week long trip to her city.  She didn't want to get her hopes up, but she really wanted this job.  It was a perfect next step and she felt she could really flourish in it.

She needed to set that aside for now and decided on the perfect words for her notice.  It was going to be a delicate balance of words. 

And let the chips fall where they may.

Friday, November 07, 2014

Curb Trouble, A Retrospective

In honor of NaNoWriMo, I'm going to write out this month like a novel.


Her windshield was so dirty that she was having a hard time seeing through it when the sun shined at just the right angle.  It was time for a car wash, her first proper one this year.  Getting Hubby up was quite the challenge, and they didn't end up leaving the house until 3:00 PM.

She choose the car wash by the old apartment because it was cheaper and they always did an amazing job.  Since they were already up there, it was decided that they would have dinner at the neighborhood bar and grill, the place of great significance to her.  It was the site of her first Big City Breakdown.

They had moved in that week, and met with nothing but adversity.  They wouldn't come in to turn on the heat and electricity until the end of the week.  In fact, they had the cable installed days before they had the electricity to run it.  They had even gone for a hair trim just to get their hair washed.  It was long before her pixie cuts, polka dot watch, and her ragtag group of girlfriends, or hypothyroidism would shake everything she knew.  When it was just her and Hubby, isolated and alone.

They had unloaded the largest Uhaul all by themselves, and the muscle fatigue was like no pain she had ever felt before.  They had gone out for the meal at the Neighborhood Bar and Grill because they had no electricity to cook, and stayed for longer than they should have because it was nice to just sit down and relax.  It was a mistake, as getting up would prove to be very painful after so little movement.

She got to the curb, and knew that stepping down to the street would cause an immense amount of pain.  The mere thought of having to endure it made her burst into tears, and she needed several minutes to stop crying and finally step down.  It wasn't really all about the pain of the curb, but about the decision that she had made.  Even on that day 10 years ago she knew she'd made a horrible mistake, that nothing was going to go her way.

Today, looking around the restaurant and remembering all the times she'd spent there, she knew she had been right, but also a little wrong.  Maybe it had been a mistake to move there and expect the things she did, but there were still plenty of good times to remember.  The small amount of friends she had made for a small period of time were good.  There were pockets of happiness in the last 10 years that she would look fondly back on.  Being at that restaurant felt like the right thing to do.  They visited the apartment one last time, and went home to the house that was about to also fast becoming part of their past.

Thursday, November 06, 2014

La Reve

In honor of NaNoWriMo, I'm going to write out this month like a novel.


She felt a little trapped in this shopping trip, but her mother did love to shop, and she herself had suggested this store.

For some odd reason her aunt had come along as well, and they were all scattered around the huge store. She would catch up with them later. 

The store had everything, not how she remembered in her waking life. The money was endless because she was with her mother, so she filled their cart with beautiful clothes, Uggs shoes that didn't look like Uggs at all, and everything she was going to need for her new life. 

She went to see a movie with a friend inside the giant store, and they passed around pills to take to make you feel sexy and amazing about yourself, you just weren't allowed to drive after taking them. She'd never tried any kind of drugs before, but she felt she could trust this company. 

Before the drugs took full hold (you had to go into a VR game to obtain them) she heard her name being called over the intercom, but it was the nickname her Co workers called her. It was her mother, having not obtained enough merchandise to hit a certain reward level, had gone back to shopping, this time for produce. The drugs washed over her, and she let herself feel beautiful and loved for as long stage drugs would last. 

It was in the first beautiful swell that she woke up. In her normal bed, with her back hurting the way it always did in the morning. She knew where she's gotten every idea, item, and person in her dream. It make her think of that quote from Invisible Monsters; "Nothing of me is original. I am the combined effort of everyone I've ever known."

She hadn't had a dream this vivid in a long time. The were slowly coming back to her, and she was no longer used to them. When she first got married she had dreams so vivid that she could be mad at her husband all day for something he did in her dream. 

As scary as they were, she was glad they were back. It meant she was on her way to being back to her full self, someone she hasn't been in 10 years. 

Wednesday, November 05, 2014

Final Days

In honor of NaNoWriMo, I'm going to write out this month like a novel.


A timeline had been predicted that brought everything together in regards to the sale of the house.  As early as the 24th, but it could go longer depending on when they decided to leave.  From yesterday's events, she wanted to leave as soon as humanly possible.  This news was so close that she wanted to finally shout it from the rooftops, post it to Facebook, and take the long 8+ hour drive home.  She wanted to be having drinks in her favorite hometown bar, with her friends, safe but also in peril looking for work.

She was a little afraid that she would end up in a job she hated.  There wasn't much time to think about that now.  She had planning to do to get the move going.

Tuesday, November 04, 2014

Freedom Doesn't Feel Free

In honor of NaNoWriMo, I'm going to write out this month like a novel.


Finally she was free.  Her rotation on a role she was elected to at work was over, and a new person had fought hard for the next rotation and won.  She was a little sad, but mostly relieved.  She enjoyed the time off in all the meetings, but in the end she'd be just as happy manning the fort while other people went to all the meetings.

Of course, her other meetings got canceled, thus reminding her that the system is very flawed, and not going to get any better during her time here.  There was more paperwork for the house today that the realtor said wasn't a big hurry to fill out.  Her anxiety level rose due to her removal, although she knew it was coming, to leave.

The job search continues.

Monday, November 03, 2014


In honor of NaNoWriMo, I'm going to write out this month like a novel.


 Although English Royal history is of slight interest to her, she mostly started watching Reign because Megan Follows was in it (and they had finally put it on Netflix).  Megan is certainly not Anne of Green Gables, but her playing evil is sort of fun to watch.  She thought that the clothing choices of the show were a little strange however.  It is more of a stylized piece of fiction then a historical piece.

An important piece of the house selling puzzle came into play today.  Even with this little push, leaving before Thanksgiving didn't seem like a possibility any longer.  It was her favorite holiday, and she felt a little sad that it was likely she wouldn't be having it anywhere, just like the unpacked Halloween decorations.  Hanukkah was also looming as a missed holiday.  She would surely be spending it without a job.

She still spent every break at work scoring the internet for other jobs, but none seemed to consider her unless she was unemployed and living in the same town.  It was going to be a terrible job hunt.

Sunday, November 02, 2014

Pain Pangs

In honor of NaNoWriMo, I'm going to write out this month like a novel.


 Driving to work was pretty free and clear of traffic, but it was busy over the Bluetooth to her mother.  Her mother was mad that everyone was talking about her behind her back and expecting her to get things done when no one else was.  She tried to explain to her mother that she was getting rid of her entire household in order to move in to help her.

Mom was having a hard time letting go of things.  So much so that there was an entire house sitting on a quarter of an acre filled with junk.  Most of the reason why she was coming home was that her mother was showing small signs of dementia and is likely not going to get better.

Then at the end of the night, Mike from The Mike Project said to her "I'm proud of you for daring greatly and saying piss off to all the heartache and boredom you've had here in town.  It takes guts to move in and move out when something doesn't work"

And it felt like the right thing to do again.

Saturday, November 01, 2014

A Novel Idea

In honor of NaNoWriMo, I'm going to write out this month like a novel.


The gas light started flashing as soon as she turned the corner into her housing development.  With a sigh, she still drove the rest of the way home and convinced her husband to come with her and pump the gas since it was late at night.  She hated that she felt so unsafe in this town.  She had to bribe him with jalapeno bites from the late night Jack in the Box to get him to come.

Still playing the waiting game, she felt nothing but anxiety about the house and her entire future.  She went to bed a little earlier than usual due to Daylight Savings Time, and hoped for a more purposeful tomorrow.