Saturday, July 14, 2007

There is no P in OOL.

After swimming laps, Mischa and I always sit in the sauna and then rinse off and warm our muscles in the hot tub. Usually the sauna is reserved for complaining about our flaky friends, and the hot tub conversation is usually comparing injuries.

"Body Pump totally kicked my ass! My triceps hurt so bad, try to stretch yours!"

"Oh, that hurts!"


"You know what really hurts on me? My shoulders, trying to stretch them out. Do this!"

"Holy Crap, that hurts!"

"I know, isn't it awesome?"

"Oh Yeah!"

We are just getting the ball rolling on our list of "hurts so good" when the other people in the hot tub start to complain. Loudly.

Not about us, but about another man who has just climbed in the hot tub. A woman complained loudly that he “always does this,” and it's disgusting and rude, and she's going to talk to the gym about it and get them to put up a sign. We have no idea what she's talking about, but her voice is so filled with venom that it shocks our conversation into silence.

Another man joins in and begins to complain about this offending man, but they don't state exactly what he's done, so we are confused, and feeling a little awkward in the middle of all this hostility. Thankfully they die down, and we try to jump start our conversation and forget about it. After all, we need to get in more hot tub time.

The offending man sits across from the angry man. Not more than 30 seconds later, the angry man looks at offending man and says, "Why don't we all just pee in here?"

That stops our conversation cold yet again, and we stare at each other in shock while listening. The angry man continues; "Yeah, come on everyone, let's just start peeing in's the same as you coming out of the sauna and not rinsing off before you get into the tub. We are all just sitting here in your filth, so why don't we all just pee in here?"

Mischa and I looked at each other, not believing where this conversation had turned. The offending man didn't say a word, he just sat there and took it...I think he was actually ignoring him completely.

"Time to go?" I asked.

"Oh yeah, we are out of here!" She replied, and we were out and on our way to the locker room, with plenty of sideways glances back.

Tuesday, July 10, 2007

Body Pumped

So, it's been a few months now. The Gym Mafia has me firmly in their grasp.

And I haven't lost one single pound. I'm still as fat as ever...more even. I've gained three pounds. Three.

And the first person who comments that it's muscle is going to get stabbed in their eye; I don't care what it is, it's extra and it's on me. It needs to get off.

Occasionally we'll bite off more than we can chew, like tonight. Tonight was the newest edition of Body Pump, (complete with new crappy music, I don't like it to much.) and then we decided to do Yoga to stretch out our muscles.

Big Mistake.

Body Pump has been transformed into an aerobics style class, instead of a weight lifting class. I wasn't expecting that. It's really, really tiring. We were late today, so I didn't get my usual spot in the back of the T-zone (Center back of the room, so I can still see the instructor, but no one can see me!) so I felt like I needed to try harder. I still didn't really make it. My back hurts so much I just got up to get answer the phone, and I *almost* fell.

And because we are suckers for punishment, we hobbled over to Yoga afterwards. I expected it to be old people Yoga, which is what I needed after Body Pump. My muscles yearned to be stretched.

What we got was Emo Boy who wanted us to "hop" and pull and kill ourselves and call it Yoga. I'm sure it wouldn't have been that bad if we weren't already fatigued from Pump, but we were, and it was. Mischa and I had even forgotten our Propel (no product placement, it's just that I'm addicted to Mandarin Orange Propel. Seriously, it's almost taken Starbucks place in terms of addiction.) so we were dying of thirst.

Next week, we've decided, we are going to do the first 9 days of the Fat Smash Diet. Basically it's just fruits and veggies, but we are hoping it cures us of our "let's share a dessert" every time we go out.

Of course we aren't starting now, now is to soon!