Sink Back Into the Ocean

In honor of NaNoWriMo, I'm going to write out this month like a novel.

***

Hubby left around noon, only she didn't really want him to leave this time.  He got a speeding ticket in the middle of nowhere, so that was another $115 that she didn't have in the hole.  She understood that it was just bad timing (he was going 35 in a 25), but she was still so angry with him.  She tried to keep it to herself and tracked his road trip through the iPhone location details.

When he texted that he got home safe, a wave of loneliness swept over here, along with a little relief.  It wasn't that she didn't love him, but being alone was so refreshing.  She thought of all the things she was going to be able to get done.  She wanted to move all the existing boxes to the garage now that his car was out.  She so needed something to feel real about this move.  She hadn't heard back from her friend at the cell phone company, and it was starting to make her nervous.  She really needed that job, now more than ever.

At work she decided to catch up on "The Affair" since she had only seen the first episode.  It had a title sequence with a Fiona Apple song now, and it felt appropriate.  She felt bad for Pacey getting cheated on.

Much like Gotham, she was having a hard time with this show in regards to motive.  She didn't see why these two were attracted to each other (let alone why their stories didn't match), or why Jim Gordon stayed in Gotham for no reason other than his family is from there.  If her family was from Gotham she wouldn't want to go back for them or any other reason.

***

I'm sucking at this 3rd person BS.  It was a tough 11 days, but I'm going to stop tomorrow.

Waiting for Godot

In honor of NaNoWriMo, I'm going to write out this month like a novel.

***

Hubby had managed to give himself a cold sore. A few days ago he had an unfortunate experience with a razor in an intimate area, so he wasn't having a great week.  She felt bad letting him leave on an 8 hour road trip tomorrow feeling terrible.

Their realtor said that she wasn't comfortable with her putting in her two weeks until the underwriter had come back.  They didn't answer her messages today, but hopefully they would call back tomorrow.

The two weeks notice was sitting in her draft folder, waiting to be sent.  Her fingers itched to send it anyway, but she decided to wait.  Soon it would be way too late for Thanksgiving in her hometown.  She feared she was getting fixated and not paying attention at work.

This waiting thing was killing her.

Hold Tight A Little Longer...

In honor of NaNoWriMo, I'm going to write out this month like a novel.

***

She had been a fun good friend until recently.  Then the texting became...argumentative.  R also had an autoimmune disease, so she made many excuses for the sudden turn in their friendship.  She'd be gone soon anyway and it wouldn't matter anymore. 

Before she even had a chance to write it, the realtor called and said to hold off on her 2 week notice until tomorrow.  She was a little sad, because that would mean that she would have to go to a meeting that she really didn't want to go to.  She sighed, resigned to the fact that she'd have to sit through another boring meeting.  At least she wouldn't be dealing with her day to day tasks on her last days.

Hubby had decided to go back up to her mother's house to drop off his car tomorrow and fly back at the end of the week.  Of course, this last minute plan didn't end up working out perfectly, as the flights were just as expensive as it was to rent a car and drive back.  He said he would decide tomorrow what the best course of action would be.  It was all too much for her to deal with right now.

Time to start her rough draft of her 2 weeks notice.

If This Is It, Please Tell Me So

In honor of NaNoWriMo, I'm going to write out this month like a novel.

***

Today was the last day the buyers could back out without penalty, so the whole day was met with trepidation. Her thoughts all day consisted of the two week notice she would write and send out the next day.  She thought about what would happen after she sent it out.  Would they just show her the door and say forget about the last two weeks?  That would be money that she wouldn't have anymore.  Would she come into work on Monday and her badge would not scan?

Or would they allow her to work her two weeks without question?  What if the buyers backed out anyway and she was left without a job?  She thought of Thursday and meeting up with a college friend who had said he could possibly get her a job at a highly regarded cell phone company.  She had sent off her resume to him today and hadn't heard back yet, but he was just getting back to Alaska after a week long trip to her city.  She didn't want to get her hopes up, but she really wanted this job.  It was a perfect next step and she felt she could really flourish in it.

She needed to set that aside for now and decided on the perfect words for her notice.  It was going to be a delicate balance of words. 

And let the chips fall where they may.

Curb Trouble, A Retrospective

In honor of NaNoWriMo, I'm going to write out this month like a novel.

*** 

Her windshield was so dirty that she was having a hard time seeing through it when the sun shined at just the right angle.  It was time for a car wash, her first proper one this year.  Getting Hubby up was quite the challenge, and they didn't end up leaving the house until 3:00 PM.

She choose the car wash by the old apartment because it was cheaper and they always did an amazing job.  Since they were already up there, it was decided that they would have dinner at the neighborhood bar and grill, the place of great significance to her.  It was the site of her first Big City Breakdown.

They had moved in that week, and met with nothing but adversity.  They wouldn't come in to turn on the heat and electricity until the end of the week.  In fact, they had the cable installed days before they had the electricity to run it.  They had even gone for a hair trim just to get their hair washed.  It was long before her pixie cuts, polka dot watch, and her ragtag group of girlfriends, or hypothyroidism would shake everything she knew.  When it was just her and Hubby, isolated and alone.

They had unloaded the largest Uhaul all by themselves, and the muscle fatigue was like no pain she had ever felt before.  They had gone out for the meal at the Neighborhood Bar and Grill because they had no electricity to cook, and stayed for longer than they should have because it was nice to just sit down and relax.  It was a mistake, as getting up would prove to be very painful after so little movement.

She got to the curb, and knew that stepping down to the street would cause an immense amount of pain.  The mere thought of having to endure it made her burst into tears, and she needed several minutes to stop crying and finally step down.  It wasn't really all about the pain of the curb, but about the decision that she had made.  Even on that day 10 years ago she knew she'd made a horrible mistake, that nothing was going to go her way.

Today, looking around the restaurant and remembering all the times she'd spent there, she knew she had been right, but also a little wrong.  Maybe it had been a mistake to move there and expect the things she did, but there were still plenty of good times to remember.  The small amount of friends she had made for a small period of time were good.  There were pockets of happiness in the last 10 years that she would look fondly back on.  Being at that restaurant felt like the right thing to do.  They visited the apartment one last time, and went home to the house that was about to also fast becoming part of their past.

La Reve

In honor of NaNoWriMo, I'm going to write out this month like a novel.

***

She felt a little trapped in this shopping trip, but her mother did love to shop, and she herself had suggested this store.

For some odd reason her aunt had come along as well, and they were all scattered around the huge store. She would catch up with them later. 

The store had everything, not how she remembered in her waking life. The money was endless because she was with her mother, so she filled their cart with beautiful clothes, Uggs shoes that didn't look like Uggs at all, and everything she was going to need for her new life. 

She went to see a movie with a friend inside the giant store, and they passed around pills to take to make you feel sexy and amazing about yourself, you just weren't allowed to drive after taking them. She'd never tried any kind of drugs before, but she felt she could trust this company. 

Before the drugs took full hold (you had to go into a VR game to obtain them) she heard her name being called over the intercom, but it was the nickname her Co workers called her. It was her mother, having not obtained enough merchandise to hit a certain reward level, had gone back to shopping, this time for produce. The drugs washed over her, and she let herself feel beautiful and loved for as long stage drugs would last. 

It was in the first beautiful swell that she woke up. In her normal bed, with her back hurting the way it always did in the morning. She knew where she's gotten every idea, item, and person in her dream. It make her think of that quote from Invisible Monsters; "Nothing of me is original. I am the combined effort of everyone I've ever known."

She hadn't had a dream this vivid in a long time. The were slowly coming back to her, and she was no longer used to them. When she first got married she had dreams so vivid that she could be mad at her husband all day for something he did in her dream. 

As scary as they were, she was glad they were back. It meant she was on her way to being back to her full self, someone she hasn't been in 10 years. 

Final Days

In honor of NaNoWriMo, I'm going to write out this month like a novel.

***

A timeline had been predicted that brought everything together in regards to the sale of the house.  As early as the 24th, but it could go longer depending on when they decided to leave.  From yesterday's events, she wanted to leave as soon as humanly possible.  This news was so close that she wanted to finally shout it from the rooftops, post it to Facebook, and take the long 8+ hour drive home.  She wanted to be having drinks in her favorite hometown bar, with her friends, safe but also in peril looking for work.

She was a little afraid that she would end up in a job she hated.  There wasn't much time to think about that now.  She had planning to do to get the move going.

Freedom Doesn't Feel Free

In honor of NaNoWriMo, I'm going to write out this month like a novel.

***

Finally she was free.  Her rotation on a role she was elected to at work was over, and a new person had fought hard for the next rotation and won.  She was a little sad, but mostly relieved.  She enjoyed the time off in all the meetings, but in the end she'd be just as happy manning the fort while other people went to all the meetings.

Of course, her other meetings got canceled, thus reminding her that the system is very flawed, and not going to get any better during her time here.  There was more paperwork for the house today that the realtor said wasn't a big hurry to fill out.  Her anxiety level rose due to her removal, although she knew it was coming, to leave.

The job search continues.

Reign

In honor of NaNoWriMo, I'm going to write out this month like a novel.

***

 Although English Royal history is of slight interest to her, she mostly started watching Reign because Megan Follows was in it (and they had finally put it on Netflix).  Megan is certainly not Anne of Green Gables, but her playing evil is sort of fun to watch.  She thought that the clothing choices of the show were a little strange however.  It is more of a stylized piece of fiction then a historical piece.

An important piece of the house selling puzzle came into play today.  Even with this little push, leaving before Thanksgiving didn't seem like a possibility any longer.  It was her favorite holiday, and she felt a little sad that it was likely she wouldn't be having it anywhere, just like the unpacked Halloween decorations.  Hanukkah was also looming as a missed holiday.  She would surely be spending it without a job.

She still spent every break at work scoring the internet for other jobs, but none seemed to consider her unless she was unemployed and living in the same town.  It was going to be a terrible job hunt.

Pain Pangs

In honor of NaNoWriMo, I'm going to write out this month like a novel.

***

 Driving to work was pretty free and clear of traffic, but it was busy over the Bluetooth to her mother.  Her mother was mad that everyone was talking about her behind her back and expecting her to get things done when no one else was.  She tried to explain to her mother that she was getting rid of her entire household in order to move in to help her.

Mom was having a hard time letting go of things.  So much so that there was an entire house sitting on a quarter of an acre filled with junk.  Most of the reason why she was coming home was that her mother was showing small signs of dementia and is likely not going to get better.

Then at the end of the night, Mike from The Mike Project said to her "I'm proud of you for daring greatly and saying piss off to all the heartache and boredom you've had here in town.  It takes guts to move in and move out when something doesn't work"

And it felt like the right thing to do again.

A Novel Idea

In honor of NaNoWriMo, I'm going to write out this month like a novel.

***

The gas light started flashing as soon as she turned the corner into her housing development.  With a sigh, she still drove the rest of the way home and convinced her husband to come with her and pump the gas since it was late at night.  She hated that she felt so unsafe in this town.  She had to bribe him with jalapeno bites from the late night Jack in the Box to get him to come.

Still playing the waiting game, she felt nothing but anxiety about the house and her entire future.  She went to bed a little earlier than usual due to Daylight Savings Time, and hoped for a more purposeful tomorrow.