Strawberry Cheesecake Forever

It was a long day at work, so all I wanted to do was go home and lay on the couch.  I was kind of hoping my sister wouldn't be home like last night.

Of course, when you want one thing, you always get the opposite.  Not only was my sister home, but wanted me to help her make a cheesecake for her new boyfriend who is coming in tomorrow night.

So I put myself aside again and helped her.  I hope it comes out okay, I won't know until later tomorrow.  She did pay me back with a salt scrub though, so that was nice.

Don Jon

I saw they put Don Jon on Netflix.  I was supposed to go see it with a group of people that eventually dwindled to one guy friend.  We both decided that was awkward and that we'd catch it on the small screen when it came out.

After a full 3 minutes I realized I couldn't really watch it at work, so I put it on the list and am currently watching it at home.  I didn't realize how...Jersey it was.  It really makes me wonder if this is seriously how it is in Jersey.  The obsession with the body and the tan and omg that accent, for real?  I'd give all the actors props for their acting, but it just feels so easy to do.  Chew some gum, add a crap-ton of makeup, some tight clothes, and poof!  ScarJo is a Jersey Girl.

I'm not sure I fully understand Jersey Love.  He loses everything he's about because he "loves" this girl.  All because she's hot?  She's kind of a buzzkill with everything.  She wants him to get a housekeeper and is embarrassed that he cleans his own apartment.  Why would he want to stay with someone who is such a stuck up bitch?  Sure, maybe watching that much porn is a little troublesome, but she's gotta be kidding if she really doesn't think all guys watch porn.

Money Makes The World Go Round

The only way I could get hubby out of the house was to tempt him with Sushi.  We went to pick up my prescriptions and run some errands.  Then it took me until around 9 at night to get my sister and hubby out of the house to go grocery shopping.  They both decided, being the cooks of the house, they wanted to make cheesecake.  My sister's card got denied, so I had to pay around $60 for groceries.  I'm not even supposed to be eating sugars or carbs, so I essentially paid for food I'm not going to get to eat.

If I was the breadwinner of the family, it wouldn't be such a big deal.  But I make almost less than half of what hubby makes, and my money gets very tight.  Yet I still feel like I end up paying for more stuff, and it does cause me some of that stress I'm trying to avoid.  How does one avoid stress that seems unavoidable?

I Just Blue Myself

Hubby was still sleeping when it was time to leave and do stuff today, so my sister and I ended up leaving the house without him.  We did a lot of running around and getting cupcakes out of ATMs, and we got tickets to Blue Man Group.

My sister had never been to a show before, and she had an amazing time.  I forgot how much fun the show was, I haven't been in years.  The end where everyone gets up and dances and gets showered with toilet paper made me feel happy on just an uncomplicated level.  I forgot how amazement felt.

Captain America Part 2...Take 2

I came home around 7:30 PM to find the whole household asleep in their beds.  It was a Saturday night for crying out loud!

So I called a friend and we went to see Captain America again.  Maybe it's just that I identify with the themes, but I really like this part of the Avengers.  I really hated the first CA, it was so slow and boring.  This one has changed the face of the franchise.  Agents of S.H.E.I.L.D. has been completely changed.  I really wish I had stayed on watching it, because I'm sure the reveal was amazing.

Bath Bomb

I got the bath bomb my sister had bought me from Lush and took a bath when I got home tonight.  I watched an episode of "Girls" while I was in the bath, and boy is that show about many many horrible characters.  I don't think I'll ever fully get it.

I thought I was finally starting to feel better, but now I'm back to feeling badly right before bed.  Will it ever get better?  

Flying High

I got to go to a lecture today with someone extremely affluent in the fashion industry, and it was a very nice talk.  He's also on TV, so I was happy to see that in person he was down to earth, very humble.  On TV they always edited him to be a major jack ass.

Then I had some money from the company, so a coworker and I went to a new attraction at a tourist area.  I love being a tourist, and I hate it when some people take pride in never going to the  tourist area, when it pays our taxes.  Go and have fun every once in awhile!

Did a lot of walking around though, it was pretty difficult walking by the end of the night.

Empty the Trash

Since that whole Heartbleed Virus thing, I've been unsubscribing from all those emails that I don't look at anyway.  I tried to do this previously but they all seem to come back after unsubscribing after a couple of weeks.  I tried unroll.me without any real result.

So now I'm back at it, trying to get Times Remembered and Bed, Bath, and Beyond to get away from my inbox.  We'll see how long that lasts.

I'm ending the night watching some Veronica Mars on the Pivot channel.  They are skipping all the meh episodes, so it's a good night to watch and do some dishes.

Small, deathlike thoughts

A co-worker came back from bereavement today.  His dad had died, and he was away all last week.  I gave him the best advice that was given to me when my dad died: I'll be there for you whenever you need me, and I'm not going to bring it up to you again.

Everyone came up to him all day saying how sorry they were.  He took it in stride and was pretty good about it all.  I think he's still in shock.  It really took me back to when my dad died and how I felt about it.  It was such a bad time for me, not only because of his death but because of all the friend drama and unemployment. 

That was a really low time for me.  I have new problems now, but they don't seem as hopeless as I was then.  I hope things get better for my co-worker.

Cars Land

My car "Inky" went in for an oil change today and found the lower control arm was cracking. It's going to have to go in next week and cost me $600.00.  I guess there was a reason I didn't get a chance to pay more off on my payments. 

Ghost Town Road Trip With Marriage

We decided to go back to the ghost town today with the hubby and mess around for a bit.  Stuck our feet in the river and drove around a little bit more to explore the area surrounding.  I can feel that I got a bit a sun, and it makes me feel a little more alive.  Something I won't be saying when I get my diagnosis back for skin cancer.

A hometown friend called me later tonight to tell me she is coming to my town...while I'm going to be back home.  She hasn't been here in over 4 years, it just figures.  It makes me a little sad.

Recently I've been really worried about the possibility of moving back home.  I still do want to leave this town, but my old self who doesn't like change is rearing it's head.  I'm so afraid I'll move back and my old friends will not be there for me anymore.  The support system that I moved back for will die and leave me in a place I almost no longer think of as my home.  Dr. Hitler was the only one who has made a difference.  If I move back home, will there be an as good or better doctor?

Will I be happy there?  Or ever?

Get it Done!

I brought my laptop into work today because I really had to get stuff done.  I had bills to pay and emails to send.  I had bought screen protectors for my new Kindle that came damaged in December.  Yahoo is the worst email system in the world, because I  guess the photos I had proving it was damaged bounced back because they were too large.  I didn't think after 3+ months they would do anything about it, but they are sending me out a replacement.  I also emailed 2 other places where I had gotten defective merchandise, and they are sending me out replacements or refunding me.  I also called my car company and I'll be paying more towards the premium from now on.  I have $8,000 left, and I hope I can get that paid off sooner rather than later.

I went home and then back out to return the unneeded air mattress pump from our friend's stay, and I decided to return a gift that J had gotten me for Christmas that has stayed unopened all this time.  Since we are no longer friends I decided I wanted to buy stupid stuff with my store credit.  I ended up with some ice cream, shampoo and poofs for the shower.

I really feel like a weight has lifted.  I haven't gotten that much accomplished in a long time.  I'm starting to finally feel better too.  Here is hoping I can start getting the upswing going on this year.  Last year ended so well, I hate that it took me three months to get better.

Celebrity Awesomeness

Late yesterday I saw a tweet from my favorite podcaster/stand up comedian.  She was doing a (as it turned out later) private event.  She posted a picture that said "good for one admission" so I printed it out and my sister and I went down to the location.

As I found out once we got there, that print out was good for literally nothing.  However, the girl at the front took pity on us and gave us a couple of passes.  We got in, I was so excited.  I got to meet and get a picture with her afterwards, and she is exactly how I thought she would be.  Totally awesome, it just made me like her more.  She's just as nice and awesome as she seems, and said she'd try and give me a shout out on the next podcast she does.

Pretty darn good day.

Everyone's a Little Bit Racist

I took a friend and co-worker home from work today, and we stopped at Chipotle to pick up some dinner.

After we got back in the car, she noted how everyone was staring at us while we were waiting for our food.  It took me a minute to realize it was literally just because we were friends.  A black person and a white person.

I feel like I was a character in Hairspray.  The fact that we are not the same color should not even remotely make an impact.  This is why I hate people.

On an unrelated note, my team didn't place in the contest.

Project Work

Today was the day to finish up the project work.  It was nice getting some time away from work to do it, but I hate having people ask me how to do something creative.  I think they assume I had some grand master plan for it, but really all I did was ask if they wanted to participate.

(Don't) Be Our Guest

Around 10 AM I got a text from Hubby's friends that they were on their way, but taking many breaks before they got here, so it would be late.  I then promptly forgot about it until my poor sister started texting me madly asking where the air mattress and the pump was because they had shown up and sort of demanded she get that ready for them.   I was busy at work and could only give obvious answers like "in the closet" and "is the pump charged?" while she helped them out.  I came home and had to leave again to buy a new $20.00 pump for the mattress as the old one hadn't worked.

I'm done with having guests.

The Winter Solider and the Blood Moon

I woke up to a text message that my friend's/co-worker's dad had died. I still don't know what to say to people when it comes to death. It's so very personal. I told him I was here for anything he needed. 

I pulled the weeds in the yard today, and then hubby and I went to lunch and to the movies. We saw "Captain America: The Winter Solider." It was really good, and the subject matter was pretty scary in that it was possible. 

When we were walking out a lady was saying how "confusing" the plot was, but the action was fun. I was so embarrassed to be an American in that moment. A majority of us are so stupid it hurts. 

Seeing the Blood Moon was so awesome though. Hubby brought out my dad's binoculars, and it was beautiful. I feel as if my dad was really with me today, helping me through the bad moments to see how awesome the rest of the universe is. 

Spring Cleaning

Hubby let me know last night that his friends were coming into town on Tuesday and Thursday and staying with us.  So today consisted entirely of cleaning.  I never ended up taking a shower or doing anything but changing my underwear and putting on some shoes.  I stayed in my PJ's all day to clean.

I got a lot more done than I thought I was going to, but didn't get as much as I really had wanted to get to.  Being fatigued all the time is...well, exhausting.  It would have been nice to get the whole house clean, but I don't know that having that happen is humanly possible.

SEAFOOD RELLENO!

I had a full day at work of meeting and assisting with teaching classes, so I was starving by the time I got off work.

I picked up my sister and her crutches and we went to a Mexican place that has an amazing seafood relleno. I ended up paying a lot for dinner, but my sister got me a bath bomb from Lush after dinner that was worth it.  I really needed a margarita and food in me, and it was the perfect way to end my super drama-filled week.

When we got home it wasn't that late, so I went upstairs to put on some PJs and then I was going to go back downstairs and check out what was on the DVR.  I never made it back downstairs.  As soon as I sat on the bed to put my PJs on, I was almost completely fast asleep.  I haven't made it to midnight all week, and usually I'm up until 2 AM.  I need to shake this thing and get back to normal.

Dick Move

Due to my thought process yesterday, I decided it would be a good idea to just cut off everything with J.  I unfriended her and said to myself "It's done and over.  I hope she gets the help she needs."

Little did I know that she would be taking it so harshly or even paying that much attention.  She moped like a sullen teenager all day today and then actually pulled a severely dick move on me.  I told my friend and co-worker S about it, and she said it was a huge dick move and actually said she wanted to tell her to "Tuck in her Petty" which I'm pretty sure is referencing this type of post.  Either way I agree, it's getting to the point where it is childish and I really wish she would just get fired already.  I was really counting on this new position to come through so I wouldn't have to worry about it.  I've just got to take a deep breath and try and make it through for awhile.

April Showers Bring a Vodka Party

Of course I woke up to my period starting today.  Now that I was due to clear up the infection, then the monthly Vodka party begins.  I didn't want to be at work with cramps and I basically pouted all day.

A co-worker and I talked about depression and respect today, and it really made me realize something about G and J.  Both of them seemed to be good friends for awhile, but I suddenly realized that they did nice things to make themselves look better.  G was always the problem solver, but made sure everyone knew that it was him that solved the problem.  J would always make people opulent cakes for their birthdays, thus ensuring she was also the center of attention that day.

Does anyone every just do the right thing because it is the right thing to do anymore?

The No Good, Awful, Blah-Ass Day

I didn't wake up moody today.  It only felt that way towards the end.  I came to work and everything was fine, and then it suddenly got hectic.  I was being pulled this way and that, and to a meeting, and then helping some people out.  I just felt like I got stretched too thin. 

By the time I got home I was in a bad mood, but I promised my sister I would help her make cookies for her pseudo-boyfriend back home.  It was his birthday, and she made him red velvet cookies.  Well, she stood in front of the mixer while I made the cookies.  She did roll them out on her own though, and they ended up being pretty good.  Then I drove her to the post office to drop them in the mail.   I headed straight to bed after that, and was woken up around 2 AM by Hubby with my infection medication.  I took it right away and went back to bed.   I was done with that day.

How To Make An American Quilt

Near the end of my work day, got sapped of my energy. Came home and helped my sister around the house. She's so hopped up on painkillers she has no idea what is happening.

We watched HTMAAQ and she went to bed. I'm also not long for bedtime either. I hate this exasted feeling. 

Walk it Off

My sister asked me to take her to urgent care at 8:30 this morning. Her foot had started hurting around 1:00 AM, and she could no longer put any weight on it. I had woken up at 8:30 to this guy outside my window;

I had to drop her off at urgent care and then go across town for my appointment with Dr Hitler. My blood test results came back that I was a bananas train wreck. The huge sickness I had at the beginning of the year had totally thrown my body out of whack. Having an auto-immune disease is going to be harder than I thought. I really have to go out of my way to try not to get sick. 

By the time I finished my appointment, as well as set up 3 new medications, I got a text from my sister that they told her that she had broken her foot. A tiny bit of bone on the side had broken off and was floating around causing a ton of pain. They were shocked she had hobbled around for a week on it, trying to "walk it off" and had essentially caused it to break. It's a family trait, putting up with the pain until we just can't anymore. 

One of my co workers were nice enough to lend me her crutches, so my sister is back to being semi-mobile. It's her right foot so she can't drive, but her friend will pick her up for school tomorrow. I really hope this doesn't cause her to miss out on a lot in massage school. 

We also picked up some frames today for a poster hubby had got and my Veronica Mars poster. I'm glad it's finally safe in glass now, it was making me nervous in a tube all this time. With those two posters we have officially run out of wall space in the house. I think that means it's time to move. 

Ghost Town Road Trip

My sister and I went on a tiny road trip around the area today.  We went to the Hoover Dam and to a Ghost town, and I got to stick my feet in the Colorado River for the first time.

I'm used to Tahoe, which is an Alpine lake.  The Colorado River is a little less clean, but it is not as cold.  I was so happy to have my feet in natural water that we stayed there a long time.  The back of my neck is sunburned, but it was totally worth it.

I'm so glad I got out into nature before it got too hot to enjoy it.

Walk Like An Egyptian

Woke up with another infection this morning.  Walked like an Egyptian all day until I got off work and could go get more medicine.  I was one of those sad people at a Wal-Mart at 8 PM on a Saturday night.  I texted that to a friend and then ran into his old roommate as I was sending it.  Awkward.

It's amazing how this kind of infection just fucking ruins your whole day.

Silver Linings Playbook

I got an email at work today telling me that they decided not to fill the position at all.  It feels better than not getting hired, but I'm still a little disappointed of course.  I'm mostly grateful they didn't wait months and let me get attached to the idea.  That's the worst part about waiting to hear back from jobs.  I took a look and right now they aren't hiring for anything else.  I'll keep looking though, it will be okay.

I watched the Silver Linings Playbook with my sister when I got home from work tonight.  I wish I could see what everyone else sees in it.  I just saw two people that needed therapy more than they needed each other.  Sorry world.

Sister Time

After I got home from work I convinced my sister she should drop off her IRS paperwork tonight.  We went out to the post office and dropped it in the night drop, and then we went for this new ice cream everyone keeps talking about, Blue Bell.

It's really good ice cream, but I think it got too hyped up for me.  I wouldn't buy it over Ben and Jerry's if given the choice for both.

Hips Don't Lie

The ball of my left foot is very tender, and I feel like I need a hip replacement on my right side.  Heels are never going to be my thing.  I could've gotten hit by a truck and felt better than this.

I've found on the way home from work, I always think about all kinds of stuff I can do when I get home.  And I always end up watching a movie and then going to bed.  Am I in a rut?

Defending Your Life

Sleeping on my face just caused me to be tired all day, and my hair still got messed up.  I don't know how those Geisha did it. In the end I came out looking presentable however, my stylist friend at work couldn't get over how awesome I looked. 

My legs still hurt from wearing high heels, but I think my interview went well.  They asked solid questions and I really just want to work there even more now.  It seems to be a little more fashion oriented than I had anticipated, but I think that I did give an accurate representation of how much I did enjoy fashion.  I didn't ask when I would hear back from them, because I feel like it would seem too eager.  I've got a good job now, if I didn't I would have asked.

The rest of the day went by fast, with everyone asking why I was so dressed up.  I didn't want to make a big deal out of it, but didn't want to lie either.  So now everyone will know if I failed.  The worst.

I came home to my Netflix DVD of "Defending Your Life" which is a movie from 1991 about what happens after you die.  I don't know why I'm fascinated with these kind of stories, but it always seems like everyone's take on it is so interesting.  My favorite author Chuck Palahniuk wrote "Damned" and "Doomed" about the afterlife, and it's just awesome to fantasize about what could be after this.  Of course, I have a sneaking suspicion that you just cease to exist and nothing fun happens at all.  Which is why I would prefer these stories to the truth.

In DYL, you stand trial to see if you have the ability to overcome fear.  If you are found having overcome all your fears, you move on to Heaven.  If you are still fearful, you are reincarnated.  It's a very interesting concept, that in order to become a higher being you must be able to overcome fear.  The Divergent Trilogy by Veronica Roth is also very much about overcoming fears. It's funny, because the biggest fear I think I ever overcame was doing the WRONG thing.  I walked out of a very volatile job, literally picked up my stuff and walked right out the door.  It was the scariest thing I ever did, and I got fired from the temp agency I was working for because of it, even though I told them exactly what I was going to do.  Knowing what I know now, I would have been more confident of my decision.  But it's also a situation I would never put myself in again.