Recovering

Even though I feel as if it's not quite over, I'm still going through a recovery process.  I didn't think ending a friendship would take recovery, I would just be better the next day.  The sun would be shinning, and I'd go on with my life.

But as the weeks went on, I was told by my friends more than once that I was over explaining things, that they understood.  It was then I realized how much who I was had actually been effected by the past couple years.  It made me think of the first Sex and the City movie where Miranda screams at Steve: "I changed who I was for you!"

For me, I hadn't even realized I had changed.  When it was pointed out to me, I was devastated.  Devastated that it had taken me that long to get out of, essentially, an abusive relationship.  I didn't think it was abusive until I was out.

So my heart goes out to all those girl's in REALLY abusive relationships.  It's so hard to see how bad it is when you are in it, I see that now.  And it's going to take work to get me back to where I was.  And that's so sad.