Cabin Fever

I got shin splints from using my Shape-Ups and playing Just Dance on the Wii.  I woke up on Monday and noticed my legs were really sore, so I went to work and didn't work out that day.  Then they felt worse the next day, and the next, and I had no idea what was going on.

It took my co-worker mentioning shin splints to me on Thursday for me to get it.  I looked it up on WebMd, and that's what I had.  I iced my leg Thursday and Friday night, spent all day Saturday video editing with a friend and keeping my foot elevated the whole time.  I didn't work out all week, nor did I even go anywhere, so I have this massive cabin fever.

Sadly, my leg still hurts to walk on.  One thing WebMd didn't tell me was how long this lasts.  Either way, it seems things like this always happen.  I go to work out to lose some weight, and end up on the couch for a week.  It's like someone out there wants me to be fat and unhappy.  Ugh.

Comment Whore

I got a comment on the other blog today.  It was nice, and it was from a stranger.  Betty White who?

I feel better now. :-)

Or, you could, you know...be a friend.

I made another blog purely for professional reasons.  My awesome cousin who freelances for a living was giving me tips on what to do to get more jobs, and one was to have a blog that looked popular.  She said "get it on twitter, get a fanpage for Facebook, stumble it, digg it, get it out there."

So I did.

I asked my friends to get the word out on Facebook, so I could at least have a fair amount of people on it as fans so that the widget would look good.  They didn't really do it.  After months of trying to get it out there, I've gotten a grand-ass total of 28 people.  I don't know 3 of those people.  The rest are people I invited.

So I'm mad today, because on Monday my friend decided to make a "Get Betty White on Glee" and she already has over 200 people.  Where were all those effing people when I needed hits to my blog?

I'm just glad I have this blog to complain to without worrying about updating it on Twitter and Facebook.  This is my sanctuary.

Deepest Desire or Worst Nightmare

This week my dreams have been particularly vivid.  Last night's emotional torment took an all-time high.

In my dream I started out in a bottom floor of a building.  Lover Boy took me to an escalator and told me we were going up.

I took a few steps up before I realized that there were no sides, and it seemed to stretch on forever.  Of course it also narrowed as it went up as well.  My heart started racing and I dropped to my knees.  As soon as I can't see where it began, nor where it seems to end, it breaks down.  I look down into the abyss and start to panic.  I can't go down, and I can't bring myself to keep climbing up, even though Lover Boy is a few steps ahead, tapping his foot impatiently.

After a little while I finally get the nerve to move, or more scoot, up the escalator until I reached the top, which was a huge house.  Sadly, because it had taken me so long to get there, we had squatters.  The people actually consisted of friends I had had in elementary school, and a few cousins I hated.

I found my mom and complained that she didn't take care of anything while I was away, and now all these people I used to be friends with are there trashing it!  She told me I was being too mean and I should let everyone live there.  It was bonkers.

But I still woke up with that feeling I was stuck on the elevator, too scared to look down, and too scared to look up.

'Cause When the Heart Breaks it Don't Break Even

I care too much. It's one of the worst faults I have. If someone says to me, "Yeah, but who cares?" There is rarely a time when my head doesn't scream to them "I DO! I CARE!"

It's become a detriment. A weight. And I've learned to not care about certain things. Well, not NOT care as much as realize that there are some things that aren't worth worrying about that much. If dishes sit around for a couple of days, the earth isn't going to rotate right off it's axis. Everything will be fine.

I do this with my friends too. I'm an extremist friend. If you are my friend, and you need help, I'm right there. I'm doing the right thing for you, whether it's tell you that the boy who doesn't like you is an idiot, or trying to win that idiot back. But if one of my friends is doing something really stupid, I'm not keeping my mouth shut. I'm telling them exactly what they need to do to remedy a situation. I'm a great friend.

Never in my life has anyone abused this like a recent friend. I found this site on the internet and the line;

No matter how many friends you have, if you are their pillar, you will feel lonely and lost at the times you need them most.

It hit me like a ton of bricks. That is exactly what has been happening to me. This whole friendship I've been giving and giving and getting nothing back. Not because she was a bad person, but because she just wasn't capable of giving anything back. And even though I do love to help, it's like my advice wasn't being listened to. She wasn't learning anything from my sound advice. And I wasn't getting a friend in return.

It weighed on me. With what I've gone through, what I'm still going through...I don't have the emotional capacity to be anyone's pillar anymore. I've gotta get out.

Off the Grid

I want so badly to be off the grid.  I go online and it's like idiot after idiot posting their stupid Facebook status updates.  Complaining about stuff they don't actually care about when it comes down to it, they just type to see themselves in print.

Whatever happened to only speaking if you had something to say?  It seems people just make excuses to speak now.  They say something without realizing what it is before it's halfway out of their mouths.

One of the people I follow on Twitter told me that he felt like he hit a moment of Zen when he walked away from Facebook for a week.  I'm thinking about that seriously.  I need to get off the grid and concentrate on working out and getting the new house ready for my Mom to see at the beginning of May.  I can't wait for her to come and see the new house and for us to go out and do stuff.  With the last time I saw her being the anniversary of my Dad's death, it wasn't exactly an exciting trip for the both of us.

It won't be that hard to go off the grid with Facebook.  Let's see how a week goes...

Like Going Home Again

A couple weekends ago, I went home for the weekend. It was actually half for work, and half for play. Mostly though, it was to be with my Mom close to the anniversary of my Dad's death.

Not that we had time to even think about that, as she was running an expo and we barely sat down with each other for more than an hour the whole weekend. I had to have a whole morning conversation with my aunt that I really didn't want to have, but that's a story for another time.

The first morning I had to myself, and I drove around downtown and thought of all the things I could do as I drove by. I remembered things about my childhood, my adulthood, things that happened just last summer.

The possibility of the day lay before me, and it didn't strike me until I was on the plane ride home, but that was happiness. I felt more accepted there, and I feel like more people know me for who I am, and respect me for it. It was a nice feeling to have for the weekend. Maybe someday I'll find that place again.

But not in this town.