I care too much. It's one of the worst faults I have. If someone says to me, "Yeah, but who cares?" There is rarely a time when my head doesn't scream to them "I DO! I CARE!"
It's become a detriment. A weight. And I've learned to not care about certain things. Well, not NOT care as much as realize that there are some things that aren't worth worrying about that much. If dishes sit around for a couple of days, the earth isn't going to rotate right off it's axis. Everything will be fine.
I do this with my friends too. I'm an extremist friend. If you are my friend, and you need help, I'm right there. I'm doing the right thing for you, whether it's tell you that the boy who doesn't like you is an idiot, or trying to win that idiot back. But if one of my friends is doing something really stupid, I'm not keeping my mouth shut. I'm telling them exactly what they need to do to remedy a situation. I'm a great friend.
Never in my life has anyone abused this like a recent friend. I found this site on the internet and the line;
No matter how many friends you have, if you are their pillar, you will feel lonely and lost at the times you need them most.It hit me like a ton of bricks. That is exactly what has been happening to me. This whole friendship I've been giving and giving and getting nothing back. Not because she was a bad person, but because she just wasn't capable of giving anything back. And even though I do love to help, it's like my advice wasn't being listened to. She wasn't learning anything from my sound advice. And I wasn't getting a friend in return.
It weighed on me. With what I've gone through, what I'm still going through...I don't have the emotional capacity to be anyone's pillar anymore. I've gotta get out.
3 comments:
You deserve your own pillar. I wish I lived closer so I could be that pillar for you. :(
I think people who feel more than others end up hurting more than others.
I hear ya sister. I'm you and it is rough.
I had to sever ties with my best friend of 30 years last year. Saddest thing I ever had to do. But when I was locked up in a mental institution, she didn't blink an eye. I'd never asked for anything in all those years, and didn't get anything then. (Yet I'd been there for her when she was expelled from college, beaten by her first husband, etc.)
Soon, you'll feel free. I've learned the value of true relationships thru the loss of others.
Sometimes you gotta protect yourself too when you realize that what you give to other people is bringing you down!
Feel better
-D
http://damnthose3littlewords.blogspot.com/
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