New Years Eve. New Year, New Resolution

I'm up early to let in the handyman for a check up on our heater. I got an email this morning that the three hour interview was for nothing. I was almost relieved. 

Of course, that means I'm truly unemployed going into the New Year. 

My mom wants me to pursue writing and photography as a means of making money. I'm not sure I can work by myself like that, but I guess only time will tell what next year holds for me. 

I think this writing exercise has been both good and bad.  Good in that it forced me to write every day, which was something that I needed to do anyway. Bad in the sense that I don't feel like I got any good quality writing out of the entire year.  I didn't work on my novel at all, and the November project completely messed up my entire writing style. I think a photography challenge would be a little better for next year, as it affords me more time to write creatively. I'm going to few hours left to decide what kind of photography challenge it will be. 

I'll be back here to consolidate the months and see exactly what I learned from it. Hopefully I can still get something out of it. 

Until then, Happy New Year everyone. 

Do You Wanna Build a Snowman?

I am awake at 5 AM and it snowed several inches. Hubby was awake for a minute, so I asked if he wanted to build a snowman. He said no. :-(

Later we did a thousand things and hubby scared me by sliding all over the road.  I guess I'm not over my near accident.

A 3 Hour Interview

I had a three hour interview today. I either nailed it or bombed because I bombed the math test.

Into the Woods

The BFF, hubby, mom and I went to see Into the Woods. Mom bailed on food afterwards so we got burritos and took a trip to Sam's Club. We bought the BFF's BF a frame for his mattress and loaded it in my trunk hilariously. It came to about 3 inches from the steering wheel to the backseat. Then we went to the BFF'S house and talked about how awesome it was too be living in the same town.

Ugly Christmas Party

We went to an Ugly Christmas sweater party tonight. My BFF's Improv team was there and Hubby integrated himself in nicely. He will most likely join the team when he can.

It was a long night but a short day. We didn't get much done in the long run, but we are starting to have a social life again. 

Escape

I spent the afternoon and evening with BFF. I'm so glad I can escape to her house and get perspective on the whole situation. I had a long talk with the Hubby yesterday too, and I think we are now on the same page.

I wish I could just figure out how to stop worrying. 

The Third Act

I've been internalizing a lot of my emotions since moving back.  Dealing with 3 personalities instead of just 1 or 2 has been extremely taxing.  Never was that more clear than today when my Jewish Mother and Sister dogged all over Christmas while my Hubby was trying hard to embrace celebrating a Jewish Christmas, aka going out to Chinese...sans movie, since everyone else seems to have adopted that and it was too busy.  I think people just don't know how to communicate anymore, so they seek out movies, tablets, electronic distractions in place of just getting together as a family.

Even as I sit here watching one of my gifts from Hubby, he sits downstairs on the computer while my mom reads upstairs in her bedroom. My sister will be out of the house until everyone else has gone to bed.  The family is fractured even when it is together.  I can't continue to force a conversation between them, I'm not built that way.  I'm not used to feeling like this...not anymore.  Our family was this fractured before I left the house, I just forgot.  It's just more complicated with Hubby here.

I feel like my life has entered the third act.  I've gone through childhood, young adult, and full grown adult life is starting.  I'm a totally different person than I was a few weeks ago.  I need to figure out who I am now.

Snow on Christmas Eve

I'm taking it. 

Xmas Eve Eve

After a lunch with the Bro-in-law we came back home to work on "the list" that we had set up at the beginning of the week. My mom didn't want to get rid of her two lazy boys, so I suggested that we move our "sac-scional" to be fatter instead to make room for the other item. Hubby thought we should just take one piece out and move it back to storage. I jokingly said that it would be like giving up space that we were allowed to take already, and he said "well someone has to be an adult about this."

After he acted like a sick baby all day yesterday, now because I got a little upset he decides he is the adult. I've been wondering lately if our marriage can take this move. Because right now I'm super pissed off at this new attitude he has. If this is the real him, I'm going to have to bow out. 

Alone Time

By mid afternoon hubby had managed to get very sick. It resulted in me running around town getting him medication while getting one of our tables out of storage. He ended up getting some Nyquil down and passing out around 6. Mom was pushing on me that Old Navy was having a sale on boots, so I went to the outlet mall by myself and stayed there until they closed at 9.  It was nice being by myself shopping for boots that I never ended up finding. My fitbit was happy that I was walking, so I just kept going. I did find a $71 pair of boots that were cute, but not enough to warrant the price.

It was the alone time I needed, although I feel like more would be nice. 

Strained Relations

I finally got hubby to help me dye my hair today. It made me feel more human to take care of myself for a little while.

Then I went over to BFF'S house for a little bit. We walked a few blocks around her neighborhood looking for a house for us to rent/buy. We found a couple of places, but no one will take us without jobs. I really hope my one call back comes through in the end. 

I got back to mom's and the fatigue just came over me. I had only walked about a mile according to the new fitbit my mom had gotten me, so why was I so tired?

Hubby was out getting washers for our new shower head and getting a haircut. It was just me and mom. So of course she used that opportunity to complain about hubby and my sister about the lack of work that they do. She was mad that he'd left the house too late to pick up salmon from the place she wanted. She didn't want to go out to dinner when asked though. So hubby picked up some pork and made this amazing dish with lemon and capers. He even got asparagus which is one of my favorites. Of course I got to eat on my lap because mom didn't clear off the table. She doesn't want to get rid of anything. 

We really need to get a job, get out, and leave her to just rot here. It's what she wants. 

After dinner, even though I was on the brink of sleep, we went around to see the Xmas lights. There were many fun ones in the area, but they were really far apart. I'm try and post a video later, the mobile app won't let me do it here. 

360

Hubby did apologize and we seemed to be okay as a family. We went to our favorite bar for dinner and a Mexican hot chocolate, then headed to BFF's improv show. At first the people around me were giving me a headache and I was regretting coming. The intro to BFF'S new boyfriend was awkward and quick. I trolled on tumblr until the show started, so my phone battery was down to zero. After we all went out to eat and to a bar it loosened up and I felt much better. I think everything is going to be okay. We just need to find a balance of work and play.

Tell Me What to Do

Today seemed okay at first. My sister and Hubby and I went to see Annie. It was cute and I think the reviewers are too harsh about it. It's charming.

Then we got food and came home to mom in a bad mood, and suddenly hubby decided that the whole kitchen counter needed to be clear for him to cut the cut the chicken we had just brought home. He started dumping things into the trash, and I just bailed. I knew it would upset mom, and it was a move my father would have made, so I saw the fight coming. What I didn't see coming was hubby losing it on mom completely. He asked her why she had "made" him quit his $47,000 a year job to move in with her so that she could treat him this way. He stormed out of the house without his phone and was gone for an hour. 

I started texting his brother worried that he had just decided to spend the night there, but then he walked in the door. He still wanted to leave, but I got him to talk about it and stay.  He said he'd apologize to mom, but she didn't want to talk about it tonight. I said we'd go over it along with some ground rules tomorrow. 

I can't take a side, but I've got to take a stand. I just don't know what I want to do. 

Family Hanukkah

This was the first night of Hanukkah that my sister, hubby, mom and I could all spend together. Since we had given away one of mom's couches to make room for ours, we spend the day going to the storage facility and getting ours assembled at the house. It looks good, but there are still some cleaning that needs to be done so that the room looks good.

Hubby made latkes and we went to see this amazing house. They had synchronized their lights and had dimmers and the whole nine yards. This was the end of one of the songs 

Socialization

After another blowout with the hubby and mom, I got to go out for my first round of socialising since moving back. My best friend A and I ran a few errands and then watched Love Actually at her house. I was so tired that I'm afraid I wasn't much fun, but we made plans for Friday/Saturday to meet her new boyfriend and go see her improv show. I told her about my blog idea for the official state drink, she seemed to think it was cool. I'll have to get on that at some point.

Errands

Our errands list keeps growing and I feel like it will be a long time before we get jobs. The one job that asked me for a phone interview this week never called back.

I did get some clothes out to goodwill and put away in my closet, so it did feel like I got more done. Of course with it being much colder and darker here earlier, it's hard to keep motivated. 

Energy Crisis

Hubby and I set out around noon to fix everything on our list. We drove my car over to get all weather tires, went to go eat, went to another store and walked out because the line was too long, then mom called. She wanted to complain about how her friend wasn't calling her back to take away her couches so we could move ours in. I told her to do what she wants and let us know.

Then we changed our address with the bank and got really tired. We went home and I started on the Holiday cards while hubby went through a few boxes of clothes. overall a semi productive day 

Boxes, Boxes, Everywhere

Mom wanted to run some errands today that basically took all day to complete. We had one meal but I shouldn't be eating that much anyway. It was a full on carb parade while we were moving, and I needed to get back on track.

I woke up with a yeast infection, due to the high stress of moving. Of course that medication was in a box, that was thankfully in the kitchen and not in storage. 

We ended the day pretty early due to a snowstorm that no one knew was coming. I've got to get all weather tires tomorrow before the winter seriously gets started.  

Look at All the Fucks I give

The shit completely hit the fan today. Hubby lost his shit twice and I had one emotional breakdown.

None of our things will fit in the house. We had to take almost the entire truck over to the storage facility and just empty it. My mother doesn't seem to understand her hoarding tendencies, and I feel like for every step forward she takes 3 steps back. 

I feel torn apart and I don't know what to do. I want to run away from everyone. The only thing right is the town in in. Maybe it's just lack of sleep and communication, but I'm afraid this isn't going to work. 

Death Day

Woke up at 6AM, and we were still not making any headway. At 8AM G woke up and came over to help. My sister and Hubby and I are not what you'd call a self starter, but G makes up for it in spades. He kicked our asses in gear and by 4 PM we were on our way. Except for we ran into a storm 3 hours into our 10 hour journey. I mean literally. It just started snowing and the next thing you know I was hydroplaning/skidding on ice and almost went into a ditch. Hubby didn't see me do it and kept driving with the truck.

It was at that point that fear basically took over my life. 

Never Gonna Make It...

We've been up since 9 AM packing. It's 2:00 and we haven't even loaded the truck.

But we have to be out by tomorrow. 

Packing Day

Just a lot of packing today.  I'm having a hard time packing my clothes, because I don't know who I'm going to want to be where I get there.

Seperation Day

I had lunch with a co-worker, then had to go into work to get my last paycheck.  My badge didn't work, so I had to go back and forth trying to get into the building.  Then payroll told me my paycheck wasn't even ready until today regardless.  This job was ridic to the end.

I got to visit with Mike in the evening, and it was a really nice last visit.  I hope later in life we end up living closer together.

Last Day of Employment

My last day consisted of a free meal, an 1.5 hour long exit interview, and lots of dicking around while I went through my emails and made sure I had everything right.

It said to drop off my badges and get my last paycheck at payroll.  It was 8:00 at night and no one was there anymore, so I guess I'm coming back tomorrow.

Legs Like A Bowl Full of Jelly

My legs hurt so bad from wearing high heels and walking around yesterday that I almost didn't make it into work. I only left an hour early instead.

I said goodbye to a couple of people at work today that were off tomorrow. I'm finding that although I'm a little sad, I'm not really that sad. I feel a little bad that I'm not as sad as I should be. 

The Wedding

I'm so very tired, but happy tired. G had his wedding, and it was odd but fun. I stayed up late editing the photos I took for them and being happy about future relationships.

Bonjour

Our friend ABay came back from France and spent the day with us. We should've been packing, but it was nice to see him one last time.

We talked until our throats were raw and then talked some more. Even though we know is time to leave this town behind, it was nice to look back on the good moments. 

Picture Perfect Friendship

I went out with M tonight. We went to the Polaroid store to print out some photos. I wanted to get some for Hubby spanning our first 10 years together.

I will regret not making more time for M. I hope she comes to visit us back home and we can continue a friendship. 

Patience Wearing Thin

I decided to leave early from work as customers were trying my patience. Of course then I got stuck at work for an extra half hour helping an idiot decide what she'd like to exchange. I pray that this is my last customer service job, but I know that will most likely not happen.

2 days of work left. 

Why Are You Leaving?

I'm getting that question a lot at work lately. It's just so many things. I don't have time to explain to them that I'm out of friends, time, and patience. I guess people are used to others leaving the company for something better like Google. I'm leaving with no job in sight.

They are making me a little sad to leave, but I just have to remember the zero times we hung out outside of work. That will make it easier to go. 

Cyber Monday

I said goodbye to more people at work today. We all joked about how much I was laid back and didn't care anymore, and honestly it is really freeing. I actually think I'm doing a better job. Weird how that works.

We were crazy busy nearly all night, that I didn't get a chance to do anything I needed to do. The closing papers came back from the bank. We are asking for a move out date of the 12th and closing date of the 10th so we will have the money for the move.