Is Now A Good Time to Panic?

I was going through my old blog posts and came upon this. Seems I've been having these panic attacks awhile now, doesn't it???

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I woke up tired beyond tired. Tonight I had been dreaming that I had walked into a giant cage full of birds at the zoo to find them all dead. Their bones had crunched under my feet as I accidentally stepped on them.

I woke with a start, still freaking out.The feeling hits me like a ton of bricks; my rib cage is screaming for air. The pain is sharp but confusing. I take deep breaths and it doesn't help. I look over at Lover Boy, not wanting to wake him up. Maybe I just need to hit the bathroom and throw up.

By the time I get to the bathroom the feeling has worsened. I feel the air coming in and out of my lungs, but my brain doesn't seem to be registering it. I want the feeling to stop; it is starting to scare me. I sit in the bathroom waiting for relief for what seems like hours. Suddenly it becomes clear; I need water. I'm dehydrated, that must be the reason I feel like I can't breathe.

I crawl into the kitchen, the trip itself taking decades.How can we be out of water? Now that I've grasped onto the fact that cold water will make this feeling go away I can't possibly live without it. The sweat drips down my face as I pull myself up to the kitchen sink. I must look a sight, my face contorted with pain and my breath short and quick. A handful of water seems to keep me from panicking, but now I'm so hot I could die. Thoughts come into my head, the bath, going out on the porch. The think I want to do the most is wake LB and make him take me to the hospital.

More than once I think this is it; I'm going to die on the floor.The cold linoleum in the bathroom does little for me, and I go for the facet once more. I fill up the sink with cold water and stick my face under. I stay under for as long as I can hold my breath. The pain is duller now, but still there. I begin to breathe normally. I try sleeping on the couch, but there is no position I can take on there that doesn't hurt. Finally I give up and crawl back into bed. Sleep is far away, but it still comes before dawn.