I Hate Oprah

I know that I promised not to watch Oprah again. I hate her so much, with her judgmental self-righteousness. But a few weeks ago I saw the beginning and couldn’t help but watch the whole thing in order to make fun of it.

It started by her asking the audience to get out a piece of paper and write down five words that describe your marriage or relationship. For the record, I decided to play along, and choose silly, communicative, loving, fulfilling, and happy.

Then she brought Gary the WonderShrink. GtWS said that what every relationship needs to strive for is what he calls “spiritual partnership.” His description for this was “Equal, together for the purpose of spiritual growth. To that I had to say, “que?” I mean, are they talking about people trying to better themselves, or are they talk about religion?

He started in on Jerry Maguire and how Renee’s line, “You complete me” ruined the relationships of people everywhere. He said “Only you can complete yourself.” So far I was with him. But then he said “There are no such things as soul mates.”

He didn’t even elaborate; he just stated it as if he said “We are out of cheese.” As if that statement was just supposed to be taken and accepted. Oprah actually said “We are screwed by romance in this country.”

Then GtWS started to elaborate on the whole “Spiritual Partnership” thing. He started out by asking what a couple’s real intentions were when they entered into the relationship, because intention is motivation. I had to ask “Shit, I had to have a reason why? I couldn’t just do it because we were compatible and loved each other??? No one sent me that memo!” Which is when he said that companionship and love do not enter into those intentions.

He talked about how people needed to live lives of meaning, purpose, and to get motivation from their “spiritual partnership.” Oh, and the “Spiritual Partnership” ends when the spiritual growth stops. Who has this much energy???

Then both Oprah and GtWS start harping on romance again. They pretty much say it’s all a lie, and it doesn’t exist. Romance is Dead. Next on Oprah.

And, um, remind me again…how many times has she been married? None you say? Huh. Well, she’s the expert then. Wonder how many times Good Old Gary has been married.

GtWS said he doesn’t say you should do any of this, or make any changes to your relationship…only do something if you are feeling unfulfilled. Hell, right now I’m just glad I’m not stuck in an unloving relationship with Gary or Oprah.

By the way, Gary the WonderShrink is the author of “See to the Soul.” Funny how you can talk about soul, yet not believe in love or romance.