Hungry

My whole life, I was a flirt. I teased, I tormented. It was all in fun. I made sure I never offended and it was always wanted. It was what fed me, what made me feel good about myself, even if it was all faked.

Then I found him. He was all I needed. I stopped flirting, because I didn’t want him to feel as if he wasn’t enough, because he was. It was like the old adage; Out of sight, out of mind. I never quite thought about it again.

Occasionally there would be that spark, and I couldn’t help but tease someone out of affection for them. Not love or lust, mind you, just fun. I swear it creates endorphins; flirting was my workout. I was out of shape.

Recently I hit the flirting bottle hardcore, and when it was brought to my attention, it made me feel like shit. It felt like I had cheated, I felt like shit. I didn’t do anything that be construed as cheating, but I still felt terrible inside.

I was near tears driving home thinking about it, and then a song came on the radio (Human by The Killers). It’s rare that a song hits me at the right time and says the right thing. The main lyric is “Are we human/or are we dancer?” And it’s a good question. I’m only human, and it doesn’t matter where you get your appetite, just as long as you eat at home.

A Blog about Nothing

For the past week and a half, my check engine light has been on. It shines up at me like a dysfunctional doomsday clock; I have no idea when this emergency will actually occur. Every once and awhile it will take some sort of coffee break and turn off for a few hours or even days. But it always comes back.

I decided to get an oil change today in case that might be the problem, since I'd checked and the oil was pretty dirty. Inevitably that means meandering around Walmart like Novalee Nation in Where the Heart Is. It's not happy.

So I decided to hoof it in the nasty 117 degree heat across the parking lot to the comic book store to pick up the new Buffy, Angel, and Spike comics (shut. it.) and back so that I had something to keep me busy for an hour.

I got back and my car hadn't moved, so I settled into the waiting room where I was joined in minutes by two unattended children. Both were maybe 6 or 7 years old, one skinny and one sadly humongous. Skinny immediately went over to the TV and turned it up and started flipping channels. Soon he realized that the only channel he was going to get was PBS, so he left it and went to a chair next to his sibling and started in on the ice cream sandwich he had been given in lieu of parenting.

You know what comes next; one kid with an ice cream sandwich, and another with a Klondike bar. It was only a matter of time before the entire floor was covered in chocolate. Still no parent in sight. I got a phone call so I took it away from the little brats. When I was done I came back in to finish my comics (I said shut. it.) only to find the floor covered in smeared chocolate (nothing like walking in it after you've dropped everything.) and....wait for it....

covered in ants.

Now I can't even sit down and read. I have to go outside, stand, and read.

Thankfully my car was done a few minutes later, and I opened my car door to find they had set my parking brake.

Had this been my old car, no big, it doesn't even work. But this was my new, hard, obnoxious car. The doors close on you when you aren't looking, I have the bruises to prove it. I sighed and went to work on trying to get the parking brake off.

15 minutes later I was throwing things and yelling. I got out of the car to head inside to ask someone to help me when I saw this huge man, the size of a lightweight sumo wrestler, crossing the parking lot. I begged him to help me, and he obliged.

I've always relied on the kindness of strangers.

An Artist Who Doesn't Understand Art.

I have a friend who started video blogging awhile back. It looked like it would be a lot of fun to do, so I got software and I've been messing around with it. It is, in fact, fun. I really enjoy cutting scenes together and wish I had more time for it.

So, my friend (who is driving me crazy for other reasons too, this is just the cherry) just posted this:

I'm still up in the air about whether or not to continue doing my video blog on a regular basis. Editing took up a lot of time, and recently we just haven't been compiling much footage for it. Viewership is pretty low, too. I think the last few blogs had about 20 views? Is there something you all want to see on an upcoming installment?

Are you kidding me? Are you freaking kidding me? The only reason that he started video blogging was because he assumed people were interested? I'll be the first one to admit that the only people who understand or enjoy my video blog are my inner circle of friends. To anyone else, it's gibberish. It's full of inside jokes that NO ONE is going to get, or even understand. I don't care. It's fun. I like doing it and putting it up on the web so that those few people will watch it and laugh. I'm not setting out to make "The Real World" or "The Hills," I'm just stretching what I know and improving on it. Maybe someday I'll go to film school or just give it up, but It's not going to be based on how many people watch it on YouTube.

Why do people do things solely based on what other people think? What a freaking tool. He even ends his blog with this:

So... umm.. I guess that's all I have to say right now. Thanks for reading! Comment and stuff.

Please. Don't.

Karma at the DMV

Lover Boy and I went down to the DMV to re-register my car at one of those charming new kiosks, and then got back into the car. As I was about to pull out, the man parked next to us on the driver's side got back into his car as well.

Although he did it by swinging open his door and missing my car by centimeters, then started loading stuff in his car so that I couldn't pull out.

We waited, and I commented "Nice, guy. What a jerk." Before I even got to finish that sentence, he got into the car, banging his head on the top of the door opening. He turned red and quickly got back into his car.

I eyed the heavens and loudly stated "Thank you Karma, for being so prompt!"

Only Noon?

I can't believe it's only noon. Today has been the longest day in remembrance. I swear I wouldn't write a blog unless it was important or a funny story ever again, but here I am. Writing about nothing.

Out of sheer boredom yesterday I started watching "Singing in the Rain." I actually went home and finished watching it (I love Netflix's "Watch Now" option), and suddenly had this urge to listen to all the classic Broadway/musical songs that weren't exactly super popular, but important to musical culture all the same. Songs like "Anything Goes," and tons of Rodgers and Hammerstein musicals.

I'm in a bit of a funk right now. Not a bad funk, but a funk just the same. Things are getting to me only because they have been wearing down on me like water smooths a stone. I wish my word could be trusted, not because I'm a liar, but because other people are.

Mostly, I'm in a funk because I'm bored, not really depressed. That, in turn, makes me a little depressed. I got to get out of it and move on with life.

Sometimes They Twitter Like Birds...

Obviously nothing has happened to me worth writing about. I've been getting into the mini-blogging that is Twitter, that bas been nice. I could recount the immaturity of friends that I've had to deal with in the last month, but in all honesty it's to stupid to repeat. And it's all been friends of friends anyway. I'm not cool enough to have my own drama.

Mostly it just made me think about how selfish everyone is lately. A friend of mine blogged this, and It moved me so much that I had to steal it for my own devices:

"The Way We Live Now"

[Scott McLellan, in his recently published book] wrote that President Bush “convinces himself to believe what suits his needs at the moment,” and has engaged in “self-deception” to justify his political ends ...

Bruce Springsteen once said "President Nixon legitimized 'the scam'" and gave people the green light to engage in less-than-ethical behavior throughout the rest of the 70s. The ends justifies the means. Never complain, never explain. And for quite a few years after that, ethics went out the door, and the country was never quite the same.

The same thing happened with Bush. Take a look around you.

Do the majority of people you deal with, aside from your closest circle of friends who hopefully you picked wisely, convince themselves to believe what suits their needs at the moment? Do people you work with lie with ease, and believe what are obviously lies to justify their own ends?

I've seen it get worse and worse to the point where an entire generation has entered the work force thinking this is the way life is, that you have to get ahead by believing you are better than anyone else around you and that's more important that hard work, loyalty and dedication.

Bush legitimized self-deception, proved that it works and that there is much to be gained by throwing people under the bus. It's not "What can you do for me?" It's "What can you do for me ... today?"

I hope Obama's impending election will change this, and that the laws of karma turn full circle. That's the change I want to see."

I don't necessarily agree with the political aspect, but more about how people are lately. It's sad that this has happened. I wish something could be done about it, but I don't see it happening in the near future.

Not to Beat a Dead Horse...

But I saw another article that threw my whole way of looking at food into orbit. Basically, it said that sit down restaurants have more calorie content in their food then fast food resturants. The kicker? The TGI Fridays Potato Skins contain 2,270 calories.

Here I thought that giving up all fast food was good for me. Turns out I've been doing a lot of things wrong lately.

No wonder I'm the fattest anorexic on the planet!