A Word about STFU Parents

In the past few weeks the author of STFU Parents outed herself on the Rickie Lake show. She's written about the responses she's been getting, and it's overwhelming how much fire she's come under because of this.

She's being very diplomatic about this whole thing, because if I were her I'd bring up the fact that she doesn't make this shit up.  Parents; you are driving people crazy, and you refuse to take responsibility for the fact that you honest think we care what your kid's poop looks like!

Are you even thinking about that kid's future?  All this stuff is online forever, so your kid's bathtime photo is now available to every potential employer and spouse.  Nothing is sacred anymore, and you are taking away your child's right to privacy on the most basic level.  You are also teaching them that nothing is sacred and grooming them to be fodder on the playground as well as giving their full name out to those creeps that shouldn't be on the playground.

An occasional picture of them fully clothed and poop free is just fine, but know that every time someone Googles your child's name that picture is shown.

And don't blame STFU Parents for having this blog because she doesn't have a child.  That is the weakest excuse I've ever heard.  Someone told her she'll really appreciate the online community she'll have when she has kids.  THAT IS SO NOT EVEN THE POINT.  She gets submissions (she doesn't troll for them at all) from Social Media, not websites solely dedicated to babies and all their poopy goodness.  She's never stated she was against social forums for that kind of thing.  In fact, this week no one has allowed her to say much at all.  She's just being yelled at that she's jealous because she is "childless."

On a personal note, I enjoy the crap (literally) out of her site.  And it's possible that I am not physically able  to have children.  So everyone telling her that she'll change when she has kids...makes me think how hurtful everyone is being if she is in the same boat.  Everything they are saying about being a great mom community is shot to hell with the statements they've been making.

Everything you do has consequences, as I'm sure this post will for me.  But I accept that.

P Diddy

I bought new lip balm to wear when I go to sleep so I don't get chapped lips, not realizing it was actually colored a cotton candy pink.

I realized that with my black roots coming into my blonde hair, with my pink lips....she might wake up feeling like P Diddy, but I wake up looking like Ke$ha.

A Waste of Time

At first, I was feeling better.  I am feeling better.  I don't feel like it's too much effort to wash my hair anymore.  But the weight is still there, and I'm still not eating enough to maintain it, but it remains on me.

I don't have enough energy to work out.  I did about an hour today and felt like I needed a nap.  I don't feel like I did enough.  I don't feel like anything is going to be good enough.  I feel like I'm stuck.  Even reaching out to see if there is a friend in this town that wants to do anything, and all I get is a "Where's your husband?" as if he abandoned me, and if he was available, I would NEVER want to hang out with anyone else ever.
-_-

Marriage has ended all my friendships.  I want to give up.  I feel like living is a waste of my time.

All or Nothing

When we first moved to the bigger city, I made a promise to myself to never let an opportunity pass me by.  The first few years tons of new experiences came my way, and I took them all.  It was all new and exciting, and I had lots of fun.  It was fun.

Until it wasn't.

I just realized today that my promise to myself had been broken.  I don't take opportunities anymore.  Everything can be done later, or never.

Now that I have the energy, I've got to pick up where I left off.

And the clouds parted, and it was a partly cloudy day.

2 weeks ago, I woke up.  Truly woke up, and for the first time in many, many years (possibly a decade) I felt like doing something that day.  I had energy.

I had no idea how bad I had felt until I felt better.  This means that the thyroid meds are finally working.  I was contemplating suicide daily, but just didn't have the energy.  Maybe because I was already a little depressed, it pushed me to the edge.

Either way, I'm glad it's over, although a little worried that it could come back.  Until then, it's been so nice being normal.  Making plans to do something that required being physical and not dreading it with my life, but looking forward to it.

I actually hurt my back today, clearing out 4 bags of clothes and shoes from my closet.  I cleared out another closet so that I could actually fit all our luggage inside it.  It felt good hauling all the trash away.  I had plans to play tennis with a friend later today, but she never called.  It's the first time in weeks I was glad to rest.

I got on the scale yesterday and I had lost a pound.  Nothing special, and it could just be back tomorrow, but it's a start.  I feel like I'm on my way.

More Death?

My mom told me today that my uncle only has a few days, or months, to live.  I sent him an email telling him that I love him.  I didn't really get a chance to tell anyone else that.

I don't want to deal with another death.

Liver and Onions

My doctor had me go to do an ultrasound today to check on my liver.  He didn't really give me any reason why except for my "liver levels were high."  I have no idea what that could mean for me or my future, but I made the mistake of looking it up on the internet, so now I'm worried.  I either have hepatitis B, C, or cirrhosis.  The only problem with that is that I've never had a blood transfusion, am not a slut, and don't drink heavily.  Oh, and I'm deathly afraid of needles, so the chances of me sharing one are fairly slim.

So, hopefully there is nothing wrong.  But of course I won't get any feedback on this ultrasound for 2 weeks, so I guess I should just forget about it.  So I went home, caught up on Hoarders and subsequently filled up my trash bin just on the downstairs floor alone.

I guess this is the third thing on the list of things you can't have at once.  It used to be just your love life and your professional life, you couldn't make good on both.  Apparently, if you do have both, your health goes.

Did I mention my sugar levels keep going up and down, so I've been instructed to cut back on my sugar intake?

I'm going to go cry and drink some water.

Lasting Effects

I went to the doctor this week, and we are trying a different type of medication, and I'm doing an ultrasound for other reasons at the end of the month.

He also told me that over the past year my glucose levels were bouncing up and down.  I knew that I had been going overboard with the sweets, but when I thought back to why, it came down to a friend who didn't want to eat chocolate alone.

I was never really big on sweets, like my mom.  However, because of this "friend" I sort of got a taste for it that I never shook.  When I really sat down and thought about it, I needed something sweet at least once a day, if not two.  It was a bad friendship, but until this week I had no idea of the lasting effects that it had caused; I was actually had developed a bad habit that was bad for my health.

It also made me think of other relationships that have had bad lasting effects.  My cousin told me when I was very little that Nana (her dad's mother) didn't really love me, and whenever we were together she was just being nice to me.  When you are a kid, you pretty much take things at face value, and what she said made sense at the time.  Nana made them clothes and did things for them that she didn't do for me, but they did all live in the same city.

At the cousin's wedding a few years ago, I sat down and had a conversation with Nana, and she made a comment that she missed me and wished I'd call once in awhile.  I brushed it off, thinking that she was again, just being nice.  She died around the same time as my dad, and when I emailed her daughter to give my condolences, and she told me that Nana asked that she bring my thank you notes to the hospital before she passed. 

When I found out about that I cried for so long, because not only was she gone, but there was no chance of getting to know her.  Years that she wasn't just being polite, but she actually did like me, and I could have had another grandma.  She wouldn't have even kept my thank you notes if she didn't care.  An entire relationship lost because of one comment that my cousin made.

Now I have to worry about being diabetic because of another lasting effect of something someone else manipulated me into doing.  I'm not saying they are all 100% to blame, but I'm still disappointed that other people can mess with my life that much.