Hand Holding, Fist Clenching

That little virus I had turned into a week-long sickness that made me glad I didn't have to call into work.  Since Job A doesn't start until April, I have a long time to basically do all the things I wanted to do but never had time for.

I had decided if offered Job B, I wouldn't accept it.  I would be leading them on, and then leaving them in a ditch within a few weeks, as Job B wasn't going to start until March.  I knew that wasn't the whole reason I didn't want to accept the job.  Though the job was perfect for me, the interviewer sort of rubbed me the wrong way.

When asked to describe the job, she answered with "Well, I don't do a lot of hand-holding here."  With that term, I flashed back to my old job where I had asked someone to show me how to do something I'd never done before, and the response was "Look, I can't sit here and hold your hand through this."  I think people who use this term are of a certain kind of people.  The kind that want you to read their mind and get everything right the first time, so you are screwed no matter what you do.

In the interview I was asked if I required a lot of "hand holding."  After inwardly wincing, I answered honestly, and said that training needed to happen or all was lost no matter what job it was. 

"Look," I said, "Starting any new job is like someone slapping a fish down in front of you and telling you to fillet it.  They don't give you a knife, they don't 'hold your hand,' they just tell you to fillet the fish and walk away.  What would you do?  I always ask for guidance on things, examples, places to look so I can figure it out on my own.  But I don't know about you, but I have no idea how to fillet a fish, and I'm not about to waste anyone's time hacking one up just to see if I can happen upon the right way to do it.  I'm the sort of person who likes to get it right the first time."

I really think the rest of the interview went very well, she even seemed to respect and admire my fish analogy.  I asked her how the office ran, as it was between only a few people in a small office.  She said they talked rather than emailed and kept a very close relationship.  I told her I also would rather talk than use an email to communicate important things.

A few days afterward I sent her a thank you note, and indicated I hoped to hear from her in the coming weeks.  When I decided I wouldn't take the job I forgot all about it, until yesterday I got....yeah, an email from her telling her they were going with someone else.  I felt relief, because I didn't have to turn anything down, and a little sad, because I wasn't wanted.  But, after remembering her speech about communication and "hand holding," I knew I was better off.  I was ready to move on.

And I went to get blood work done today to find out if I have a thyroid issue.  And despite my intense fear of needles, I didn't ask for a butterfly needle this time, took all 6 vials like a champ, and didn't even whimper.

I wasn't able to unclench my fist or relax when told to, but at least they didn't have to hold me down.