Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Self Esteem at an all time low

I think what I need, more than anything right now, is someone that knows me really well to remind me of how awesome I used to be.  Because right now, I feel worthless.  I feel stupid and not worth anyone's time.  I feel so alone.

I got an email today to interview for another job (Job B)on Friday.  The job that I've been waiting for (Job A) is set for me to interview on the 31st.

Job A was voted a top Forbes "Best Place to Work."  It's answering phones and doing customer service, but it has potential to do more of the things I'm interested in.

Job B pays more.  I've worked for the company before, however, and there is NO chance of them being a "Best Place to Work" anytime this century.  I've been burned by them before.  But this is a different location, and it's, please excuse the expression, "a grown up job."  But, with grown up positions come grown up consequences.  I can see myself working too many hours and it losing it's fun quickly.

I'm still shell shocked from the last job.  I gave it my all, and I got dumped.  My job situation is very very very much like dating.  I had a guy, the guy wanted to take it to the next level, I said okay.  Then he got distant and moody.  I keep asking to have a talk with him, but he ignored me, and then without any warning dumped me.  I've been dumped before, and I'm gun-shy about it now.  I almost feel like what's the point?  I'm going to end up getting hurt anyway, and is it something I'm doing?  Is it me?  Is it the guys(job)?  And what do I want to do with my life anyway?

My New Years Resolution to myself was to not worry about turning the big 3-0.  To take life lightly, and let myself off the hook about feeling like I'm not where I wanted to be in my life.  Does that mean taking Job A?  Because if I really wanted an important job when I turn 30 in a couple of months, Job B would be it.

I'm lost.  I'm alone in my feelings, and it feels like no one understands how horrible I feel about my whole life.

3 comments:

Sarah said...

I KNOW you are awesome!

I don't know shit about boys, but I know jobs have a tendency to work themselves out. Even when I've been laid off, I'm always glad about the next job I took and how it ended up being better.

You might be offered both jobs, or you might be offered one. Or a better one may still be waiting for you. We can revisit your options when you have more solid decisions to make.

D said...

You ARE AWESOME and AMAZING and SPECTACULAR! Nothing stays the same forever! The biggest constant is that things change!
Take a job where you can be happy. Even if it's just answering phones. Don't think about the future. Let your present be happy because you deserve to be happy now and not later!

TextPro said...

@Sarah- Thanks! That's funny, because I pretty much know how boys operate, and I tend to think relationships have a tendency to work themselves out. But I've never had that with jobs. I've had more (women) bosses break my heart than any guy ever could.
I might be offered both jobs, but I also might be offered neither. In which case, emotionally I'll be taking a dirt nap.

@D Thanks, I really need to take that attitude, but my bank account seems to be physically connected to my heartstrings lately. I'm so bad!