I read this blog post this morning and it made me so mad. Mad about people with depression.
From a young age until I was a legal adult, I was depressed. I never sought help, so I don't know if it was clinical, or what. But I thought about suicide all the time, and I tried it without success once. But I was one locked door away from a roof and a jump, and I would've done it.
However, even in my depression haze, I knew I had responsibilities. If someone needed my help, I would be there. If I made a date to meet someone, I would show up and being as happy as I could be. I know I failed on that front. I know I was a horrible person to be around, but it was something that I couldn't see until I had lost all my friends.
It was when I was truly all alone that I could look at why I was depressed, and either shit or get off the pot. It was my way, and even though I'm not every going to be the happy-go-lucky type, I'm not the drag I was.
But when I read Sarah's post, it was the constant irresponsibility that infuriated me. It has always infuriated me that even in my deepest depression, I could never fully let go. I couldn't stop myself from not caring about other people. I couldn't not answer their phone calls or keep them hanging on an evening we were supposed to go out. Call that "not depression" if you will, but I don't think that being an asshole and being depressed are mutually exclusive.
Even if I'm in a bad mood and go to work, I still greet security with a "good morning" and a smile, because it's ME that's having a bad day, not them. If I walk past them without a greeting, then I've just ruined a part of their day. I refuse to drag anyone else down with me, if I can help it.
It seems that some people that are depressed (and some that aren't) think nothing of bringing other people down with them. They cancel plans and sleep in, and don't think about anyone but themselves. I say, if you want to detach from the world, do so. But don't let people down in the process. If someone wants to spend time with you, give a yes or no answer. Don't bring them down with you. Give them a chance to be happy, even if you don't want to be.
*EDIT* Before you comment on this post, which is my most popular post, please read it all. Then read the comments. Then think about why you put "depression excuses" into Google that lead you here. In the end, I'm saying that you can't be a flake and blame it on your depression. It turns out I do have depression caused by hypothyroidism, so I do know depression.
Thursday, March 04, 2010
Depression is NO excuse
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8 comments:
See I was the same way during my down points. I still realized the consequences of my actions. I went to work so I could get paid and keep my apartment. I appreciated people around me who loved me and encouraged me, although my enthusiasm was a little less. When I was unemployed, I looked for work and attended networking meetings, even if I cried when it was my turn to talk. I also sought help with medication. It's just not in me to totally let go like that.
I'm almost jealous of the people who feel they have the freedom to just let everything go. Everything. Now matter how bad it gets, I just can't bring myself to be that irresponsible. Even if I got bad enough to kill myself, I'd put everything in order first.
I would go to work and I didn't stand people up, just didn't make a date in the first place.
And I agree that some people are a-holes and depressed.
in my deepest depression, I could never fully let go
Me too. Like the others who have already commented, at my worst I was never able to completely detached from the world and my responsibilities. I did have a few people comment that I was withdrawn and or difficult to be around...but I never completely shut down.
Love your writing...I found you through Sarah's blog.
It's awesome that your personality is one of strength. But I really disagree with your point of view here... (:/) It's pretty harsh to say that someone with severe depression is being an asshole. Everyone expresses themselves in different ways, and while you might be able to get up in the morning, go to work, or hang out with friends even when you're depressed, someone with a weaker personality might not be able to do that. It's not being selfish, and it's not being rude. It's them... being depressed. You can't take those things offensively. And if you do, it kind of shows badly on your own character. One of the great things about being your own person is making good of situations. If you have a friend that keeps canceling on you for reasons that (regardless of the situation) seem stupid to you, it's up to you to let it bring you down or not. I just think that there are several ways to consider any situation, depression being a big one. It's an eggshell sickness. Anything can change at any moment for any reason. So don't be too quick to judge. :D
Hate me yet? :P
M-I'm not saying that all people with depression are assholes. I'm saying SOME people with depression are also assholes. And I personally feel like if someone has SEVERE depression, they wouldn't even make plans in the first place. People who make plans and then break them for a stupid reason are always going to be assholes to me, depressed or not.
And yes, I'm going to take it personally if anyone deems me not important enough to keep plans with. If that looks poorly on me, so be it.
Depression is an extremely selfish disease. I know, I've had it. And if someone isn't willing to do something about it, they aren't worth my time, period. And if that makes me an arrogant asshole, so be it too.
Hate ME yet?
While I'm sure you were probably depressed, I think there may be a difference between what you experienced and chronic, clinical depression.
I dealt with clinical depression for over a decade, I grew up with depression, and I still have my bouts now and then. I went through a lot of awful things at a very young age, so by the time I was a teenager, life seemed like a series of mysery. I was medicated for years, and even hospitalized at one point.
While I agree that there have been times when I allowed my depression to be an excuse for not doing something I didn't want to do, there have also been many times when I have been too depressed to even take care of myself, let alone get up and go into work or to see my friends. In those swings, nothing in my life was even remotely worthwhile, and even the things I loved made me miserable. I wouldn't go outside, sometimes I wouldn't even eat. I knew it was bad for me, but it didn't matter. All eating would do, it seemed, was prolong what I saw to be a pathetic and worthless life that could only end badly no matter how hard I tried. I felt so worthless that I figured no one would care if I didn't show up for class or work, or if I just wasted away. Thankfully, I don't feel that way anymore.
Many people who suffer from clinical depression, like me, also deal with other complicating factors, like anxiety disorders. Those kinds of complications can feed into depression and make it even more difficult just to leave the house. Some days I wasn't all that depressed, but I would be so anxious about having to cover up my depression in fronot of other people that I couldn't get out the door. The house could have been on fire, and I would have stood there afraid to open the door.
Kudos to you for being able to fake a smile. But, please, even though you personally never went through bouts with uncontrolled emotional experiences so intense that you lost sight of what was going on around you, don't think that no one else does.
Maybe being that depressed makes me an asshole, but I'd like to see you go through the same awful shit that I went through as a kid and come out of it faring any better.
OneSome- Your comment leads me to believe that you not only didn't read my whole post, but you also didn't bother to read the comments. And despite your description of your depression, I'm not going to get into a pissing contest with you about who's depression was more severe, I'm not into telling someone that what I went through was harder, like you see so hard-pressed to be.
There are many things I can address with you, but I'll just keep it simple; When you were in a deep depression, did you call up your friends and make plans, and then cancel them? THAT makes you an asshole, that is what the whole post is about.
Also, your childhood couldn't have been that bad, because you survived. Most kids with severe issues don't have time for depression, they just survive, or they don't. Be glad you are alive, and get a cocktail of meds together that will make you normal. I wish you only the best.
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