Miss G's Real Friends

The crazy haired but ever so lovable Miss G. asks;

“I want to know what makes a real friend. I’ve had some real interesting people as friends who turned out to be total duds. I feel I need some sort of friend radar now. As I recall, from way back when, you had some friend duds too. Got any advice?”

From way back when? Here in Two Drink Land, the friend duds never seem to end! You think you can trust someone, you think they know what it takes to be your friend, and yet…they deny you time and time again. I think there should be a form to read when applying for your best friend position. It would say something like this;

This is how I define a friend;

When I say “I hate the sky” she counters with “Yeah, fuck the sky!” (thanks Jamie, I love this line!)

When I’m in the wrong about a situation, never, ever tell me. I’ll come to that conclusion on my own. Your job is to cheer me up and tell me that everything is going to work itself out.

I don’t want to hear that my boyfriend is cheating on me. You tell me this and I’ll blame you and our relationship will never be the same. Make sure you are never the person to tell me this. You know that phrase “Don’t shoot the messenger?” There is a reason that is around; we always blame the messenger. Make someone else tell us, or trick us into finding it out for ourselves. Never admit that you knew.

Don’t make it feel like you are doing me a favor when we ask to go to the movies or just hang out. If you really have something pressing to do, then say you can’t hang out. I will understand. If you go out and then guilt me about how you didn’t get your work done the day before, you are not a real friend.

Do not talk about me to our mutual friends. You know it’s going to get back to us, just keep your damn mouth shut or talk about us to someone we don’t know. Knowing that you are talking about me behind my back is a bigger letdown than whatever you were talking about in the first place. There is nothing worse than a backstabber.

If there is something bothering you, talk to me about it as soon as possible. When you let it fester, you piss me off. You might as well just end the friendship and keep walking.

Don’t be a “best friend collector.” There is nothing worse than sitting around with your best friend and her saying “Oh, my best friend said this.” Girl, I’m your best friend. When you have a best friend in every city, and a “best friend from camp” or whatever, then the whole specialness of being your best friend has worn off. Fast.

You give what you get as well. You tell me that I’m wrong about how I’m handling a situation, then I’m gonna tell you your boyfriend was cheating on you. Eye for an eye.

I'm not into ghetto poetry, but I really like this one, so I'll end on it:

You My Homie
You Mad, I'm Mad
You Fight, I Fight
You Hurt, I Hurt
You Jump Off A Bridge...I'm gonna miss your stupid dumb ass.

(Don't forget to ask me a question in the comments!)