All About Bloggin'-A Survey

1. How long have you been blogging? I honestly can't remember. Sometime after 2000.

2. What made you start? , while I was in college, and my friends were doing it. I thought "That seems cool" and I started a blog. Then it got popular. Then people got mean. Then I got a stalker. Then, I switched my blog, but kept my information on there. Stalker found it. Had to go completely anonymous, and still had to switch a few times. I think I've finally shook him...but I do still have someone in Mountain View, California who reads daily and never comments.

3. Who inspired you? Well, initially my college friends. Then people I met through my blog really inspired me.

4. About how many hours a week would you estimate you spend on your blog? This blog? Usually if I think of something, I spew it on here and am purged. I don't really think about it a lot. My other blog I'm trying to market so that people DO read it, and I spend more time over there.

5. What kind of experience or background do you have with writing? I wrote my first novel in

6. Talk about how you come up with blog topics. Where do you get your ideas? Word Vomit. Everything that I feel like getting off my chest or what to talk about ends up on my blog.

7. What or who inspires you and your blog? Is it bad that I don't feel like any one person inspires me or my blog? I think striving to be yourself, but admiring things in others, is how one person should live their life.

8. Where and/or how do you do your brainstorming for your blog? Again, word vomit. Things happen, I talk about them. I wish I could say it was this amazing long process, but it just isn't.

9. Do you have any blogging rules or guidelines you follow? Not really. I'm not sure, do I?

10. Is there anything you will not blog about? I always try to stay away from religion and politics. I believe that is something personal for everyone, and no one has a right to tell ANYONE that what they believe (about something that isn't provable) is the right and true way. The way I see it, we'll find out when we get there. Until then, don't tell anyone they are wrong.

11. Do you have any sort of a publishing schedule in terms of day of week or topic? I try for 3 posts a week. But sometimes, nothing happens, so I just can't blog about it.

12. How many drafts of potential blog posts do you have right now? Technically 2, but usually I don't have any.

13. In what medium do you draft your posts? Since they started the "Save Now" feature on blogger, I do it right here. Firefox keeps my spelling in check, so it works for me.

14. How often do you completely scratch or delete drafts or blog post ideas? I think I've done it maybe once in my whole life.

15. If you had to leave your blog in your will to another blogger, who would you choose? He Loves Me Not Author Sarah. She'd leave her blog to me, and I'd do the same. Although, she'd junk most of them, and she would have every right to!

16. Are there other blogs that you feel are similar to yours in content, style, or voice? I'm sure there are, but it's hard for me to step away and look at my blogs. They are mine, and I stay close to them, so I don't have a lot of...what's the word...objective observance? That's not right at all...but it's close.

17. Has anything surprised you since you started blogging? How crazy a cyber-stalker can be. It's amazing.

18. What are your goals or plans for your blog going forward? Wait, I need goals??? Crap.

19. Do you make any money from your blog? No, but like I said, my other blog I'm trying to market so that I do make money.

20. What blogging system do you use? Blogger, tumblr, twitter (micro-blogging, don't you know), and a few others that lay dormant.

21. How did you come up your blog name? I read it somewhere and thought it was fabulous.

22. How many blogs do you have? What was your peak? I have five, but only post on two on a regular basis.

23. Are you having as much fun as when you started? It's been a roller coaster ride. Not quite sure.

24. Where do you find other blogger like you? Still looking...

25. What’s your one wish when it comes to blogging? That my other one takes off and is a major hit so I can make some money off of it, and that I never have to move this one again.

I've decided to give back to the community!

I'm doing it the only way I know how; through blogging. And I'm totally not talking about "Ask Two Drink Girl Anything." Oh no....although you can still ask me anything you want. I'm talking to you, Rod.

Anyway, I've submitted an entry of this blog to this charity. Read the entry over again, and see if I made the right choice of what to send in.

And please, this is for posterity, so be honest. :-)

Dear Rod: Why do questions always come in threes?

1. How much of my hard earned money would it take to get you to run naked through a crowded mall?

Funny, I had a dream about that the other night...Although I wasn't running, I was more cowering and needing badly to pee. More on that later.

Okay, not really. There is no amount of money that could get me to re-live my nightmares.

2. How can I increase my bad-assedness quotient?

There are a few easy steps, such as wearing more black and buying a motorcycle. But in order to really be a bad ass, you have to believe in you. This always works with women experiencing PMS. :-)

3. What makes the women swoon?

When a man shows that he thought about something. Women want desperately to feel like their man pays attention like they pay attention; with immense detail. Women remember what kind of dog food the dog digs the most, because she actually feeds the dog and measures the amount of time in which it is eating.

So just pay attention, and when you get her a "lemon lip gloss" and mention that you had remembered she said she needed some, and you saw it and thought of her, she'll swoon.

At least on the inside. :-)

A New Start

Welcome to Textually Promiscuous! D@H was getting me WAY to much porn in my inbox, and it was getting old. I read the phrase "textually promiscuous" in a book the other day, and it struck me. I loved it so much I highlighted it in my book. It's the only time I've ever done that in a book that wasn't for school.

I thought we could start off with a round of "Ask Two Drink Girl Anything," So here are the guidelines:

• You can ask me anything, ranging from advice on how to apply makeup, to why hookers smell the way they do (That's for you Andy!), and I will do my best to answer truthfully or as entertaining as possible.
• You can ask me my opinion on anything, such as what I think of the writer's strike, if you should dump your boyfriend, etc.
• You CANNOT ask me about politics. Not many people reading this blog even care. In fact I think I could narrow it down to one person who cares. And even though I love her, I just get to worked up about it, and I never have all the information.
• You CANNOT ask me about my own personal sex life. As soon as I blog about something like that, then someone in my family always finds my site and that makes dinner with the in-laws really embarrassing. So I just won't do it. Ask me about any position in general, or sex in general, is fine.

Leave me a comment and ask me anything. They will be answered in the order they were asked, starting with Haloscan comments first. This post will stay at the top of the blog until the second week of January, so look below this post for new entries.

Makes You Think About Herbology In A Different Light

Rodlyman asked if I was sick of the Christmas music. The short answer; always. The longer answer is...well, longer.

Here's the thing about Christmas; First of all, not everyone celebrates it. Yes, I am one of the 2% that does not celebrate the birth of Jesus. In fact, according to some, I killed him. Yes, me personally. By not celebrating Christmas.

It's almost impossible to explain how this time of year makes me feel. I'm gonna try anyway.

Okay...deep breath, all of you. Here we go:

It feels like everyone on earth is a Herbologist. That's right, they think Herbs are the greatest. They worship herbs. You don't mind this, it's just not for you. You believe in something different. Once a year they celebrate their annual HerbFest, when they believe Herbs first came into existence. At least, that's how the holiday got it's start.

The problem is that they think everyone is a Herbologist. Everywhere you go, people are offering you Valerian Root and Herb Tea...and you just don't care. You get worn down with people telling you "The Message" of HerbFest is to bring people together, when really all it's about is material possessions. You get knocked down in a store for a scarf, and you can't get away from the insipid music at every corner. It's not about St. John's Wort, it's not about togetherness. It's about knocking that old lady over in the parking lot so that you can get the closest parking spot to the mall.

That's kinda how I feel about Christmas. I don't have anything against the Christian religion itself, but having it in my face the whole month of December (and let's face it, most of November) tends to make me...let's just say, more than a little crabby.

I know I might stir up a lot of controversy with this post, but that's how I feel. I don't expect a lot of people to understand the way I feel, and that's fine. But I won't change my beliefs.

One of These Things

Good Old Andy the Boy Wonder (Because it's a wonder he has so many cute boys!) asked about why cosmic injustice existed.

Picture This.

The marble floor reflects the perfection that is this girl. Her slender leg is bound by her stiletto boot, which covers most of her leg. It leaves about an inch of flawless skin before her short skirt covers the rest of her lower torso. Her flat stomach defies logic, and her near perfect breasts make every man a "boob man."

Walking beside her stands a man who looks as if his last ten was when he was a toddler. His pock-marked face looks like a white sheet, and you can almost see the original Star Wars Trilogy flicker in his eyes. He's just dying for you to ask him about his stamp collection.

As you watch the two exchange a kiss, you can't help but think..."why?"

On one hand, it could be like one big Sesame Street Game (you remember it...). On the other, it could just be that opposites attract. It could be that they are actually in love.

It could be that the more attractive one has low self esteem, and thinks that by being with the less attractive one, that makes them more attractive.

I'd take it on a case-by-case basis. Short Answer: Who the hell knows?

Where Did the Old School Bloggers Go?

(suggested by Jamie)

I suppose they all got lives, which I'm insanely jealous about. Or maybe, like me, they suffered a blow that killed their confidence and their ability to blog the way they used to, so they just stopped altogether. Most just seemed to slide into a different space in their life, and there was no room for blogging.

It feels like we either have to much free time on our hands, or not enough. Even the origin of this post was hand-written while I was wasting time at work. And I don't know if it's my state of mind or theirs', but the new generation of bloggers just don't capture my attention.

I continue to be on the lookout for the new Outburst, my first blog crush. Blush, I guess they say. If you find any good ones not already on my blogroll, let me know!

Recently I've re-found Team Gingerbread, and through her found "Why Don't We Get Drunk And Blog?"

I'm not going to give up until I find a bunch of people who blog well and often!

***

Do I want children? Well...every now and then I see a kid that makes my ovaries itch, as I put it. Basically, a kid so cute that it makes me want to have children. Because usually I think of a child like I think of having a dog: Damn cute, but I would hate to pick up the doggy poo.

The other night, the last living baby that made my ovaries itch, needed babysitting. I was asked to babysit and said yes, mostly because they didn't have anyone else who would be able to. So it takes me an hour to get this baby into my car and strapped in, and get the massive baby stroller into the trunk. This is after I get the baby bag stuck in-between the trunk and the stroller, and spend more time than I need to trying to free it.

All the while this baby has started to cry. She needs constant attention, and I'm too burnt out to give it to her. Her constant crying finally wins out in the end, and I spend the rest of the night walking around my apartment with her being bounced all the while.

That cured me of wanting to have children. They give me instant Epstein Barr and their constant crying makes me see why parents sometimes shake their babies or drive them off cliffs.

Every once and a while the urge comes back, and I think about how cute it would be to dress up a baby or teach a five year old new things and watch him or her blossom.

But when I hear them cry, the ovaries stop itching. I am cured. I promised Lover Boy that we would re-visit the idea of having children when I'm about 35.

The Real World, Mega Edition

Lisa B asked when she was going to win the Mega-Millions. I have to wonder if Mega-Millions was kinda like Mega-Bucks.

Winning at either of these, much like Area 51, is fictional. Area 51 doesn't have anything shady going on. Mega-Millions doesn't actually give away any of their money. Each news report saying someone has won is made up and performed by paid actors. Don't you ever wonder when anyone from Sin City wins, and then mysteriously the money is stolen from them, or they die?

Not you, LisaB, or anyone else will ever win Mega-Millions, because the money doesn't exists.

Anyway, It's really Area 54 you need to worry about.

*********
Jamister, you wanted to know if I think Alex and Colie are the new Danny and Melinda on The Real World.

Ah, The Real World. Remember how it used to be, with cute stereotypes like "the country boy" and "the lesbian?" Not the faux lesbian, but the actual girl who would only make out with other lesbians? Remember the harmless pranks, like making bazillions of copies of Aaron's calendar picture and putting them up all over the house? Remember when the house-mates' worst problem was Puck eating out of the peanut butter with his fingers?

Then, there was Danny and Melinda. The couple who made you want to scream at the TV: "You shouldn't be that dependent on another person!" They were two people who couldn't be more unfit for a relationship. Are Alex and Colie on their way to becoming the same thing? I wish I knew, but Denver just didn't sound that appealing to me, so I haven't watched. Danny and Melinda just put me off The Real World for life.

PlayList

DragonFly asked what my top 3 songs were. My top three songs were really hard to think of! Although I've been all about downloading songs to my Creative Zen MP3 Player, I haven't had time to listen to any of it! Even when I'm in the car I'm always talking on my Bluetooth and not listening to the radio. (Okay, before you go calling me a Gadget Geek, it's against the law to talk on your cell phone while driving without one of these. Plus a Razr is hard to balance on your shoulder while parallel parking.) I suppose I can come up with three songs that are constantly playing in my head!

1. Since Lover Boy gave me The Beatles Love for Hannimas (our answer to the holiday season), I guess my first song would have to be Get Back. It's my favorite part of the production, where all your senses are attacked from everywhere.

2. Agony from Into the Woods. If you haven't heard of it, Into the Woods is a musical that combines all the childhood fairy tales into one. The first act sets it up as you know it, then the second act shows when it all comes crashing back down. You know, the breakups, adultery, death...that sort of thing. It's hilarious, if you ever get a chance you should check it out.

3. Clark Gable by The Postal Service. First, check out the lyrics here. I love Postal Service, because you can chill out to their music, or you can listen to the lyrics and be moved. They are my all time favorite. I love Clark Gable because of the lyric "I'll kiss you in a style Clark Gable would've admired." Can you imagine what a great kiss that would be?

French Tattoos.

“Oh wise TDG, Friend, Confidant, Driver of a fantastic vehicle... knower of many things...for years I have wanted a tattoo, but been unsure of what to have permanently imprinted on my body. Then upon hitting my *gulp* thirties I realized that the time may have come and gone. My sister imparted these words of wisdom "Loser, your nickname is Dragonfly - get an effing dragonfly!" So... Should I get one... and where?” ~Dragonfly

It’s never too late to get a tattoo…until the moment after you get it. Then it’s too late to change your mind. They are forever, and even when removed they leave your skin icky and not aesthetically pleasing. The only time when it’s not possible for a tattoo to possibly not be a mistake is the day before you die. If you are not 100% sure you want one, don’t get it. As for what you want and where, you are the one who has to live with it. I would suggest a place other than your forehead. Good luck! ;-)

“Should I bite the bullet and take Term 3 of my French class even though I told off my teacher after level 2??? Keeping in mind it is the same teacher for level 3???”~Dragonfly

How badly did you tell her off, and how badly do you really want to take Term 3 of French? If the answer is “not that badly” and “Pretty badly” then take it again. Bring her an apple and apologize for blowing off steam, and blame it on your period.

Life Lessons

“Why do you think I procrastinate on cleaning my room (barracks room) so much, but yet keep a clean apartment when I have one?”~ Angel Girl

Have you ever heard the phase, “Don’t shit where you eat?” The Urban Dictionary defines it as “do not have romantic relationships with any co-workers" Basically, you don't want to make yourself uncomfortable (by potentially having a romantic relationship get ugly, or "shitting") at the place where you work ("where you eat").”

I personally think it has another definition. If it doesn’t, I’m going make it up right now. In fact, I might switch it around a bit.

Right now your barracks are where you stay, but it isn’t yours. It’s not your space, so therefore you don’t really care about it. It’s not a place where you are going to invite friends over and have a drink. Your apartment is.

Your apartment represents all that you are about. People come over and see what you represent by your apartment, and only a single video game-playing bachelor doesn’t care about a messy apartment.

I don’t know about you, but I feel like a failure when I can’t keep 950 square feet clean. It’s a reflection on me.

But no one sees your barracks, so who the fuck cares? Am I right?

“What's the absolutely worst thing you've ever eaten?”~ Rodlyman

I’ll give you the worst thing I ever drank, and the worst thing I’ve ever eaten…although technically they were both drinks.

The worst thing I’ve ever drank was “The Lemonade” from The Master Cleanse Diet. It’s a drink consisting of:

1. Hot Water
2. The Juice of 2 Lemons
3. Cayenne Pepper
4. Maple Syrup

It was the most disgusting thing ever. On the second day of the diet I got acid reflux so bad I had to stop. That crap was burning my esophagus, and to this day when I think of that drink my throat hurts.

The worst thing I’ve ever “eaten” was a Quail Egg Shooter at a sushi bar. It was just like swallowing a raw egg…and all the icky goodness that comes with it. I'm always up for trying new things at the sushi bar, but I'll never try that again!

Ewww, Stinky

"Have you ever worn patchouli?"~Jamie

That reminds me of a great story;

My mom tried to go to her college class back in the day, and a police officer stopped her. He said to her "I'm sorry, but you can't go in there."

"You don't understand, I have a test in 15 minutes." My mother said.

"No...you don't understand; There is a riot going on on campus, and we can't let anyone in there."

Now, my mother has an agenda. She's bold. She's fearless.

Or maybe she's just crazy. But I choose to think she was/is Bold! Fearless! She had a test she needed to get to, so she told the policeman off, and walked to her class. Her professor wasn't there, and the test was put off. But she was there!

Later in life she would walk through a riot to get me from work, and I appreciated her boldness ever since. You see, my mom was fabulous hippie. True, she never walked in a protest, but she had the fashion side down pat. She only washed her jet black hair once a week, and she worked at a shoe store for a stint, so she had fabulous shoes. She had style, she had flair...and she kept everything. So earlier in my life I was a fabulous 60's throwback in my wooden wedge shoes and my bell bottoms.

But sadly, both my mother and I have an aversion to certain fabrics. So everything we shared from the good old sixties was cotton or cotton-like. Hemp, or patchouli, was far too itchy.

So, No. Never wore it. Even though I'm half hippie.

You Ask a Silly Question...

Dearest Millo:

It takes 300 1/2 licks to get to the tootsie roll center of a tootsie pop.

If train A leaves station 1 at 4pm going 89 mph and train B leaves station 2 at 6pm going 101 mph, the passenger in seat 43 on train 2 eats lunch at 1pm, Mountain Standard Time.

If the answer is: 24 and a live camel, the question must be "What is a popular TV show and the only animal that likes to spit?"

And I didn't even get to eat the cake, so sadly I have none for you!

***

"why do you think i feel anxious around my own sex (women) and comfortable around men?"

Short Answer: Because women are conniving backstabbing bitches who will chew you up and spit you out in three seconds flat. You are anxious because you are waiting for the other shoe to drop.

Slightly Longer Answer: Do you ever notice that it's really only certain women? You are most likely a "guy's girl." Guy's Girls can only be friends with guys, and other guy's girls. Guy's Girls don't bullshit, and they don't play games. All other girls do.

Just so we are clear, if you were ever in a sorority, you could never be a guy's girl...no matter how much you think you are. (Why yes, I AM talking to you.)

Anyway, Girl's Girls are NOT like us. They think everyone is out to get them, they have low self esteem. So therefore, they set out to bring everyone else down. Girls like us are not comfortable around people that are out to get us....male or female. They say women have a sixth sense, and it is just telling you that these girls can't be trusted.

Question answered? :-)

In other news, what in the hell is this? Just me, how do you own shares in my blog? It's a little frightening how much information is on there!

Walking In The Moonlight

In a perfect year, here is who I would have with me and why (Sorry Rod, I can't choose just one);

• Cassanova to have sex with.
• Garry Marshall to write and film a movie with.
• Walt Disney, to visit D-Land everyday with. However, if it finds out that he is anti-semetic, we will spend the year with him kissing my ass.
• Einstein to talk to, to see if he is nice to hang around with.
• The entire cast of Veronica Mars, and watch them film a season.

So, men "go on walks" by themselves. Even when they are in relationships and they can go on walks with their gilfriends, they still occasionally take walks by themselves.

You all know what I'm talking about.

Men would love to know why us girls get all upset when they "go on walks by--" ah, screw it. When they masterbate. MB for short.

Girls love to feel needed in a relationship. Even if we aren't in the mood to have sex, we love it when you ask us. We might act angry, but deep down inside there is a little piece of us that feels great that you want us.

When you MB, you don't need us. When we are in the house and you do it, we feel like you don't need us anymore, which equals you don't love us anymore. Whereas you guys think it's hot when you know we are doing it, it just isn't the same for us.

It almost like a legal form of cheating. We certainly can't tell you to stop, but it bothers us as if you were cheating.

So we pout. What can we do?

Creepy Businessmen and How to Bring Them Down

he Ask TDG Marathon Continues with a question from LisaB:

“Why do major creeps, (who are nasty to everyone,) do great in their careers? I NEVER understood that one!”

Mainly, because assholes don’t care. We normal people won’t step on people in order to climb the corporate ladder; they will. They also will take more risks because they don’t have as much to lose. You go for the jugular on a particular project, you might win a promotion…of course, now your entire office hates you because you stole their ideas and suck up to the boss. Who wants that? Well, assholes do.

And, of course, how do you think upper management got there? By being assholes, of course! That is why your manager, or CEO, is such a jerk!

Speaking of Assholes that make us crazy, Laughing Frog asks “What day/date/time will I go postal and kill my CEO for habitually robbing me of nights and weekends as if it’s his birthright?”

My dear LF, the answer is simple. You will quit when you get thisclose to doing it. Of course, in your revenge fantasy it will be tomorrow.

You wake up, and it hits you: Today is your day. He is going to pay…His birthright is no longer your misery. You put on just a little more eyeliner on today, making yourself look fierce. Tyra would be proud.

The morning commute seems to zoom by with ease, and before you know it you are standing at the door to his office. You hesitate, wondering if you should kick it in or just stroll through it without a care in the world. You compromise and swing it open so it knocks into the wall, making his neck snap up from his game of spider solitaire.

You start talking. It doesn’t matter what you’re saying, all that matters is the look on his face. It goes from disbelief and anger to embarrassment and humiliation. He begs you to keep this to yourself, and you tell him there’s no need. Everyone knows. You don’t even have to look behind you to know the rest of the office is behind you, staring him down. He runs out of the office, never to be seen again.

A letter from his lawyers a few weeks later confirm that he has signed over his company to you. You celebrate in the office with the kind of cake the CEO would never allow because he was allergic to it. Life is good. You killed his spirit, and that’s better than his life any day!

Pretty Pictures and Disappearing Products

HankLNU asks:

“What I want to know is, where did you get that picture for your profile? Everytime I look for a picture to match what idea I’m thinking, I end up with a crappy one. The one you have is awesome. How’d you find it?”

I wish I could say I found my profile picture myself. It just happened to fit my TDG status. My Lover Boy happened to find it when he was looking up a recipe on Wikipedia. Who knew, right?

Usually though, if I find a cool picture, I’ll center my blog entry around it. It’s a lot easier than blogging, then finding a picture. I’ve found. But you know who’s best at finding great pictures to go with her posts? WordWhiz…who happens to be up next!

“Why do the best products invented for use by women always end up being pulled from the shelves?”

Because Corporate America loves to make women change their whole lifestyle every few years. Think about how many favorite perfumes we’ve had….why did we change what our favorite was? Because they stopped making it.

Do you remember Japanese Washing Grains from The Body Shop? Ginger Lilly scent from The Healing Garden? That beautiful strawberry blond hair dye by Clariol Hydrience? I do….they are my most missed products. Then there was that birth control pill. My boobs were huge; my zits were a distance memory. The best looking six months of my life were on that pill until they dis-continued it. I feel your pain WordWhiz.

Now, why does Corporate America do this to just women? I mean, come on, they still have Brell Shaving Cream. I think that is the shaving cream the cavemen first used.

Sadly, this goes back to an earlier post about men. They just don’t care. Why bother changing up their shaving soap on them, they’ll just get something cheaper. But women, we’ll go to lengths to find something that was the exact same thing as that one product we had….that beautiful product that makes everything right in the world. And we’ll pay more. That is the only reason they do it to us instead of them.


Tomorrow, Why Creeps have Great Careers. (Leave your question as a comment)

Dumb Boys, and Who is Airwolf?

DragonFly, the picture-taking-parrot-loving-fool, asks:

“I really want to know…why are boys so dumb? I mean, why do you have to spell everything out for them? They take no signs, no hints and are oblivious to everything…”

I know on the surface boys look dumb. You’ve actually said it yourself; they are oblivious. We as girls over-think EVERYTHING! We are always on the lookout for signs, hints, and anything that something is going to happen. I’m not sure exactly why, but men just don’t work like that. They think “that girl is cute…I wonder if she likes me.” In the meantime we are thinking “Did he just touch my hand like that because he likes me?” Girls look for signs while guys just…wonder. Now-a-days it has to be the woman who clubs the man over the head and drag her off to her cave.

Do you want to know why a man loves a confidant woman? Because they don’t have to do any work. They just sit back and let it happen. The best thing you can do is just go after the guy with gusto. They are simple creatures who very rarely say no.

Rod, my favorite independent film guy, asks many questions! The first of which is this:

“Who’d win in a fight, Knight Rider or Airwolf, and why?”

Well, now that is a close call. It’s hard to answer, you see, because Knight Rider is amazing in defense, while Airwolf is all about the offense. Knight Rider had all sorts of cool gadgets to figure things out, and it was nearly impervious. It could get hit with a machine gun and it wouldn’t even ruin the paint job! On the other hand, there were really only a few episodes where they outfitted it with a laser or something, but they always ended up not having anything long term. Airwolf was made especially for battle, however. That, and Airwolf was faster than fast. I think it would end in a draw, like in Freddy vs. Jason. (Did I just ruin that for someone? I bet I did…and I bet no one cares!)

However, if you are talking about the men who man these machines and not the machines themselves, then it’s gotta be David Hasslehoff. How could you not love that guy?

Rod’s other questions answered and more all this week! If you would like to ask me anything, leave it as a comment!

Miss G's Real Friends

The crazy haired but ever so lovable Miss G. asks;

“I want to know what makes a real friend. I’ve had some real interesting people as friends who turned out to be total duds. I feel I need some sort of friend radar now. As I recall, from way back when, you had some friend duds too. Got any advice?”

From way back when? Here in Two Drink Land, the friend duds never seem to end! You think you can trust someone, you think they know what it takes to be your friend, and yet…they deny you time and time again. I think there should be a form to read when applying for your best friend position. It would say something like this;

This is how I define a friend;

When I say “I hate the sky” she counters with “Yeah, fuck the sky!” (thanks Jamie, I love this line!)

When I’m in the wrong about a situation, never, ever tell me. I’ll come to that conclusion on my own. Your job is to cheer me up and tell me that everything is going to work itself out.

I don’t want to hear that my boyfriend is cheating on me. You tell me this and I’ll blame you and our relationship will never be the same. Make sure you are never the person to tell me this. You know that phrase “Don’t shoot the messenger?” There is a reason that is around; we always blame the messenger. Make someone else tell us, or trick us into finding it out for ourselves. Never admit that you knew.

Don’t make it feel like you are doing me a favor when we ask to go to the movies or just hang out. If you really have something pressing to do, then say you can’t hang out. I will understand. If you go out and then guilt me about how you didn’t get your work done the day before, you are not a real friend.

Do not talk about me to our mutual friends. You know it’s going to get back to us, just keep your damn mouth shut or talk about us to someone we don’t know. Knowing that you are talking about me behind my back is a bigger letdown than whatever you were talking about in the first place. There is nothing worse than a backstabber.

If there is something bothering you, talk to me about it as soon as possible. When you let it fester, you piss me off. You might as well just end the friendship and keep walking.

Don’t be a “best friend collector.” There is nothing worse than sitting around with your best friend and her saying “Oh, my best friend said this.” Girl, I’m your best friend. When you have a best friend in every city, and a “best friend from camp” or whatever, then the whole specialness of being your best friend has worn off. Fast.

You give what you get as well. You tell me that I’m wrong about how I’m handling a situation, then I’m gonna tell you your boyfriend was cheating on you. Eye for an eye.

I'm not into ghetto poetry, but I really like this one, so I'll end on it:

You My Homie
You Mad, I'm Mad
You Fight, I Fight
You Hurt, I Hurt
You Jump Off A Bridge...I'm gonna miss your stupid dumb ass.

(Don't forget to ask me a question in the comments!)

Wimpy Men, Size, and Smart Women

It’s an all Rod Post! And now, the answers:

“Do men tend to be too macho or too wimpy nowadays. Which would you prefer, if you had to choose one or the other?”

Oh, if a girl had to choose. This is where it gets really, really hard. You see, all girls go through the “bad boy” stage. We dream that a bad boy will come riding in on his motorcycle and his black clothes and throw us on the back and ride off into the sunset. We dream that once in that sunset, he will tell us how sometimes classical music makes him cry.

So you see, we want it all. If one had to choose, a girl would choose macho every time. She would regret the decision, but there is something about a man taking charge that will bring even the biggest feminist to her knees. Not literally….stop that! (Watch for feminist to tirade on the comments….now!)


“Does size really matter? Inquiring male minds want to know… and, uh, just because I’m asking doesn’t mean I’m worried. Hey, you said I could ask anything!”

Size always matters. It just depends on the situation. Let me put it this way; sometimes you like to make love, and sometimes you just want to have sex. Girls come in all shapes and sizes, but it’s only the ones into S&M that really want a big one heading their way. You know that sound “Fill me up (buttercup)”? Think about what that song is really about!

“If girls are so smart, why don’t they understand men? (sorry Dragonfly!)”

Because we are so smart we over think how men actually work. We have a very very hard time believing that you really say what you mean and mean what you say. And when we ask you what you are thinking, it really is just you wondering who would win in a fight; Airwolf or Knight Rider! (sorry, I just couldn’t resist. It’s not that it’s not important, it’s just not what we think you are thinking about)

So do your girl a favor, gentleman, and next time she asks you what you are thinking, just answer, in the most sincere manner possible;

“I was thinking about how lucky we are to have each other. We might have our differences and our fights, but at the end of the day I’m so happy to be the one who got you.”

It will completely fuck with them, and who doesn’t love a woman with steam coming out her ears? (wow, I’m really in for it now, the girls’ are gonna kill me now!) Remember, I stood up for you in the last post girls! Right? Right? ::whimper::

Leave your question for me to answer in the comments!