Pharmacies and Doctors are evil

I can't stand my regular doctor and my pharmacy. I put in for a renewal over a week ago, and they don't answer, then they deny a refill. If I was taking blood pressure medication or something that was keeping me alive, I'd be dead by now. 

Being sick is driving me insane and my temper is so short. My head feels like it weighs a million pounds and is so congested, although I can breathe normally. I only have 6 hours of sick time, and I'd like to build that up more before I call out for a day. I might not have a choice if I feel this way again tomorrow. 

Career, relationships, health. Can't ever have all three at once, can you?  Sometimes you can't even have one at a time. 

Sick, but not dead

I'm still fighting this "not a cold" thing. I have so much more energy lately that it's so hard for me to actually rest when I need it. Suffering from hypo for so long, I never want to rest again. I should have stayed home from work but decided to tough it out. I might have to call it an early day tomorrow if I don't feel well. 

My sister is moving out here tomorrow for massage school. Living with her again is going to be different, hopefully not bad. 

Watching Project Runway, I'm excited for the new Under the Gunn series. I love everything that man does and I wish he lived in my closet to advise me everyday. 

I need a night out soon, I hope my small group of friends can get together before too long. I want to start out 2014 right. 

ETA: the Veronica Mars movie trailer is out today. I gave this movie one hundred of my hard earned dollars, and I'm so excited to see it!  

Happy New Year!

Even though it was shaky, 2013 ended up being a great year for me. One of the best in a long time. No one died, and I finally feel like my health (both physical and psychological) is finally on the right track. 

I'm down 25 pounds, but also down with strep, or something like that. My throat is killing me and it hurts to speak. I feel as if it's my body reminding me I still have a voice. Here.  

I feel like every time I make a resolution to write or take a picture once a day, something bad happens that year. Yet I've still decided I need to write daily and keep myself on track for this pivotal year. 

This is the year I'm leaving the town that I hate so much and moving back home. Nothing has ever felt more right, but the other day I did feel a twinge of regret. You can't repeat the past, you can't go home again. I just need to prepare myself for the town it has turned into, rather than the town it was 10 years ago. 

Hopefully this will help me. 

Doctor Hitler

I had a horrible experience with a doctor.  I don't think I can deal with this anymore.  I'll never know what is wrong, and there will never be anyone to help me.

But then, minutes later, everything doesn't seem so bad.  I can get another doctor and make it through this.  I'll be thin and happy within 2 years, and everything will be okay.  Maybe Dr. Hitler will work out, and this three month period she wants me to wait will work everything out.

The whole world feels as bi-polar as I feel right now about the rest of my life.

I just want to be pretty...

I'm going home next week, and looking forward to getting a haircut.  Mostly because my fatigue is so bad that just the weight of my long hair gives me a headache by the end of the day.

I keep going back and forth on wanting to get a pixie cut.  I want one, but I'm worried that I'm so overweight I'll give off more of a butch lesbian rather than a Ginnifer Goodwin vibe.

Summer is here as well, and the fact that I can't go out and sit in the sun depresses me.  I can't find anything that fits my body.  I want so badly to have energy and be 70 pounds lighter.

I saw a Endocrinologist this week.  She was a very strong personality that told me that she didn't think the problem was my thyroid.  She said I might not even be Hypo anymore. 

She thinks she knows what's wrong, but wants to "try something" first.  She asked me to go off my birth control pills for 3 months.  It was in that moment I realized out of all the pills I took, I have relied on that one the most.  So much so I cried on the way home thinking about what I had to give up.  It was going to be as if someone took away my smart phone and told me to use a rotary phone for 3 months.

The ability to know when my period was going to come, and to know that I wasn't going to be a hormonal wreck every month, as well as being torn down by terrible cramps for 5-7 days was a godsend.

My husband understood as soon as I said I'd have to go off birth control pills.  The doctor asked if I was worried about getting pregnant, and I told her that was last on a long list of things that worried me.  She asked me if I was scared of getting pregnant, and I told her at my current weight, yes.  She said "Don't worry, I will take care of it if you get pregnant."  I wanted to ask "Like in the mob kind of way, or...?"

I just want to feel pretty again.  I want to be skinny and wear a bikini and go to the beach without feeling like everyone is watching me.  I want to get a haircut and feel good about myself.  I want to live again.

These next three months better be worth it.

A Word about STFU Parents

In the past few weeks the author of STFU Parents outed herself on the Rickie Lake show. She's written about the responses she's been getting, and it's overwhelming how much fire she's come under because of this.

She's being very diplomatic about this whole thing, because if I were her I'd bring up the fact that she doesn't make this shit up.  Parents; you are driving people crazy, and you refuse to take responsibility for the fact that you honest think we care what your kid's poop looks like!

Are you even thinking about that kid's future?  All this stuff is online forever, so your kid's bathtime photo is now available to every potential employer and spouse.  Nothing is sacred anymore, and you are taking away your child's right to privacy on the most basic level.  You are also teaching them that nothing is sacred and grooming them to be fodder on the playground as well as giving their full name out to those creeps that shouldn't be on the playground.

An occasional picture of them fully clothed and poop free is just fine, but know that every time someone Googles your child's name that picture is shown.

And don't blame STFU Parents for having this blog because she doesn't have a child.  That is the weakest excuse I've ever heard.  Someone told her she'll really appreciate the online community she'll have when she has kids.  THAT IS SO NOT EVEN THE POINT.  She gets submissions (she doesn't troll for them at all) from Social Media, not websites solely dedicated to babies and all their poopy goodness.  She's never stated she was against social forums for that kind of thing.  In fact, this week no one has allowed her to say much at all.  She's just being yelled at that she's jealous because she is "childless."

On a personal note, I enjoy the crap (literally) out of her site.  And it's possible that I am not physically able  to have children.  So everyone telling her that she'll change when she has kids...makes me think how hurtful everyone is being if she is in the same boat.  Everything they are saying about being a great mom community is shot to hell with the statements they've been making.

Everything you do has consequences, as I'm sure this post will for me.  But I accept that.

P Diddy

I bought new lip balm to wear when I go to sleep so I don't get chapped lips, not realizing it was actually colored a cotton candy pink.

I realized that with my black roots coming into my blonde hair, with my pink lips....she might wake up feeling like P Diddy, but I wake up looking like Ke$ha.